Hi everyonee!! 🌸✨
Today, I just want to share something personal, a little rant and reflection about my body and the journey I’ve been through. Honestly, it has been a long time filled with ups and downs, self-doubt and now, a newfound sense of confidence that I never thought I’d reach.
For a long time, I am so conscious of what or how I looked like, everytime someone would point the camera to me I will freeze and don't know what to do, pose or not? haha lol. I worry so much of how I look and how my body appeared on cameras, how big my arms looked, how my belly look everytime I wear crop tops. I thought that every picture of me would end up being judged by others. The thought of people seeing me as "fat" makes me overthink. These are the photos took when I was still feeling fat.
It was not just abouy the photos, it reflected in the way I dressed, too. There were so many outfits I wanted to try, but I stopped myself because I thought “That’s not for me. I won’t look good in it because I look fat” I use to admire people who looked confident in their clothes, wondering when I would ever feel that same as them. But deep inside, I realized that the problem wasn’t really about how others saw me. The real problem was how I am seeing myself. I want to express myself but I am scared of being judged by others, and it hurts me.
Then one day I realized something. It wasn’t overnight, but then slowly, I decided to take control, not for anyone else, but for myself. I started having attention to what I was eating, choosing healthier foods instead of just giving in to whatever was there. I also did some exercising, as a way to take care of myself. At first, it was hard and tiring. There were days I didn’t feel like moving at all, days when I wanted to stop. But I reminded myself that this was about progress, not perfection and that this all would be worth it.
Then little by little, I started noticing changes, not just in how I looked, but in how I felt. My body felt lighter, my mood brighter, and I had more energy than before. I realized that the best reward wasn’t simply losing weight or “looking fit.” The real reward was the confidence that came from knowing I was finally treating my body with the love and care it deserved.
Then today, I can say that I have come a long way. After long time of being shy from cameras, I finally find joy in posing for pictures. I no longer feel the need to hide behind baggy clothes or carefully choose angles to look “slimmer.” Instead, I can stand in front of a camera, smile, and actually feel beautiful in my own skin. That may sound simple to some people, but for me, it’s a huge milestone.
What’s even more surprising is how this shift in mindset changed my perspective about others, too. I no longer obsess about whether someone might judge me, because I’ve learned that people will always have opinions no matter what you do. What matters is how I see myself and how I choose to live. And right now, I choose confidence, self-love, and joy. This journey has taught me that real beauty isn’t about being a certain size, weight, or shape. It’s about feeling good in your own skin and being proud of how far you’ve come. It’s about embracing your body for what it can do, not just how it looks.
So to anyone reading this who might still feel stuck in that cycle of self-doubt and body consciousness, please know that change is possible. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. Start small, be kind to yourself, and remember that progress is progress, no matter how slow. Today, I’m not just celebrating the body I’ve worked on, I’m celebrating the confidence I’ve gained and the freedom I feel when I finally get to pose without fear. And you know what? That feels absolutely beautiful. 💕