Last September 5, was my birthday and my family prepared a simple celebration. During that time, I was trying to be happy. Imagine, in your own birthday, you are trying to be happy, when in fact, normally, you should be happy.
I am not happy that time, but I still smiled. I still blow the candles in my cake. I still made a wish. I am trying with all my might, to hide what I was feeling. I even laughed at funny jokes and pretended to enjoy every minute of it. After eating, I went on the side and then, I felt, I am not okay.
Something dark is growing inside me. I felt bad about a certain situation. I am feeling darkness covering me very fast. The hardest part is that, I can't cry. I cannot show it. What I did was to avoid eye contact. I stand, I stand behind every human being inside the house. I need to hide it. I don't need to spoil the night.
While standing, I saw my dog looking at me. She is like asking why I stand? I snap this picture and give her a smile.
I kept on checking my phone but I will look at her from time to time. Her gaze is on me.
I snap this picture again. She is not moving nor blinking. She was looking at me straight. I have to tell you that I didn't put the pictures repeatedly, I snapped five photos of her looking at me.
On this 4th photo, I was asking her what is she thinking? It seems that she wants an eye to eye contact and a talk. She wants to know what is happening to me.
And this is the final photo. I went to her after this one. I felt that we needed to talk. I know she wants me to tell her everything. I sit beside her. She looks at me. She licks the tears that fell down on my cheek. She kissed my nose. She looks straight at me.
Are you okay? Unnie Says. She didn't talk, but her eyes were. The big question is written in her eyes. I hugged her but she refused. She wants an answer. She wants me to be honest with her. I know she can feel the beating of my heart. It was slow. She made a big sigh.
I told her I'm not okay but I will be one day. I am burnout, exhausted and loneliness is slowly crawling. I felt lots of disappointments and having a broken heart. I am still thankful for my family for preparing a simple celebration for me, yet I cannot lie to myself that my dog happens to see.
I am grateful to my dog. She doesn't talk but she can feel it. She knows I am sad. She never left me. She follows me all night. She even sleep beside me and look after me.
I love this dog, just like how I love this family. I realized that her purpose is to be there with me when all are busy with all their work, personal lives and everything that can make them happy. I might not be that happy on my birthday, but it is memorable because I had proven my dog really cares for me. She loves me so much. I guess it is one better reason to be happy.
Guys not everyday is a good day. Sometimes bad day happens for us to look forward for another day good day.
All images are mine
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