Run in Paradise: A Sentimental Post of a Best Friend

She's outside soaking wet in the rain. She's cold, no wonder. I know she wants to join us. She wants refuge and misses hugs. She's probably hungry right now missing my baked goodies. But what else can i do when this is the law of life?

Feet under the ground, it will take me long to get used to not seeing her around. It will take time for my heart to heal from this deep scratch. No one will wait for me outside with tongue in loose and tail waggling with anticipation anymore everytime I get home late at night from school. had she missed waggling her tail already? I'm sure she had, because I am aching for her precence here too. It was her nature to move around, to sit beside me, to guard me in the living room until midnight.

No one moves around the house now like she does. She didn't flinch any longer yesterday, did not dare to shake her butt, to woof me with joy. she just laid there on the road, dirty, and face visible with agony. She was dead-cold and hard. But i cried harder, and for me, it will never be enough. I am sure she cried for help, wished we were there and hoped we could immediately find her—but we weren't, I was too late.

I even wanted to believe that it was not her. she remains warm and soft here in my memory. Her loyalty will always be here in mind. the way she tilts her head when I talk, the way she follows me around when I walk.
I wonder where is her spirit and what is she thinking now. Does she wish for her death's justice? But I know dogs are humble, she probably forgave already who killed her or if she was really hit by a vehicle (because we could not see any broken bones and damaged body parts, only was her head seemed hit), in contrary to I don't want myself to forgive who did such cruel thing like that. I am accountable that I let my guard down and never checked the gates. I am accountable for that mistake.

Does she knows mom cried yesterday? it was a silent wept I would never noticed not until she said she was dizzy and could not breathe easily. After all, it was never just a dog, they feel, they play, they love, they were innocent, they have their hearts and their minds. Mom loved her very well.

I hope she's running free now, but there's a single-lit flame here in my heart hoping that she will guide me along the way. She's one of a kind. She will never be forgotten.
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