The warmth of their love will always stay even if they're not there anymore to be touched and see.

Only pet lovers will understand us of how broken we are for losing our babies. I was called overreacting because I lost my first kitty baby but I don't care because they don't know the pain. And it was almost a year that I kept thinking where is he or if he's still alive. I am torn between blaming myself for losing him or someone whom I trusted to look for him while I am away for a couple of days.

Hello guys, I want to share to you my happiness and sadness that keeps haunting me till today. I would like to ask if do you feel the same way with me?

Misso

He's my Misso. My first cat that I am the one who take care. He's our first baby with my husband when we first live in together. I already have cats before when I was still in my parent's house since they are also pet lovers. We have dogs and cats in our house. But Misso is my first cat that I have as I live in the new beginning of my life as a wife. And I poured my love to him when he's still with us.

Year 2019, we have him. It was September 5 that we had him during our monthsary. We bought him foods and for his hygiene. We didn't mind even if his soap and shampoo was way pricey than ours.

He's a sweet baby. He's playful and always love to sleep on my lap. He also likes to join us watching movies or even if my husband was working.

When I got pregnant, he always stay near me. Either he sleeps on my lap or in my feet where I put my feet for comfort. He was like he's looking for me and protect me because I am alone at home since my husband is at work.

You see, he was like a bodyguard during my pregnancy. If I was outside of the house to breath fresh air and watching the beautiful flowers, he's also there. Wherever I go inside the house, he's always there. One time, I went to the bathroom and when I get outside he was there near the door waiting for me. I don't know but I felt so much love from him. Like he's a human being that so much cared.

When I was in labor, I talked to him and said wait for us. I told him our baby is coming and we were excited that time. We asked favor to our neighbor to please feed him that time. When we were in the hospital, I was worried for him. What if he wasn't fed or if he looks for us? We took 11 days in the hospital because I was undergone with cesarean section and my baby needs to finish one week of antibiotics. When we got home, I was relieved that I saw him inside the house. But he was a little bit anxious and won't get near us. It took 2 days before he went back to being so sweet. I cried a lot when I was about to touch him but he ran. And I waited two days when he suddenly get near to my lap while I am holding my son. He looked at my son like he's curious and then he lean on me and licked my hands. I missed my Misso so much.

Until my baby grown up. They're playmates and my son loves to run just to catch him.

Last year, I weaned my son. And in order for him to successfully weaned, I need to left him to my parents for 3 days. So, I and the whole family went to my parent's house and we stayed their for 3 days. I told my husband that we should put food on Misso's food storage or we will ask our neighbor. But since we are not in the same place and we don't really knew our neighbor that time, he suggested that we will bring Misso to his parent's house since his sibling was there. I want to complain but he insisted coz he wants Misso to be taken care of. So, we first brought Misso to their house and left him there for three days.

But when we got back, his sister didn't told us that Misso was missing for 2 days. So, we hurriedly went to their house and true, Misso was not there. She said, Misso run towards the school that was at their backyard, so I run towards there hoping Misso was there. My husband was behind me, telling me to calm down. I never thought that I was crying that time already while calling Misso. I never mind my voice cracking while echoing in each room when I call him because I wanted him to hear me. But sad because no Misso that appeared.

I breakdown and they just said that I should stop overreacting because it's just a cat. And they said, I can still have anew if I want to. They don't understand what I feel.
And because of what they said, I got mad and told my husband to drive me home. At home, I blamed him and never talked to him. With that, he told his sister to look for Misso and he will pay to someone who can find it. I was totally mad especially to his sister whom he trusted that will take care of Misso. And they just easily say I am just overreacting. But no one seen him ever again. They just gave me false hope news but no Misso.

I am not overreacting, I am truely in pain knowing that he's missing. I didn't know if he's still alive or if he is in good hands. Losing him still haunts me. The pain is still here. And it almost a year of pain.

Until now, I didn't dare to have a cat again because I still didn't moved on. Even if my husband's friend want to give me a cat but still I don't want to. And my husband is kind of agitated everytime I talked about Misso. It's because he don't want me to be mad anymore and he don't want me seeing crying even during our meal. He promised he'll give me new and will call him Misso. But I rejected his offer and said I am not ready.

You see guys, I just want to ask you if am I just overreacting for not yet moving on with what happened to my misso? I think the pain I felt should not be invalidated by them right? Because they don't know how painful it was for me.

To my Misso, wherever you are now, I hope you're happy and healthy. Mommy missed you a lot. I love you my ShoMisso, tell we meet again.

Goshh!! Writing this post makes my heart in pain again. 😭😭😭