How to easily Manage The Quarter-Life Crisis

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Transcript

Hey guys, it's Patricia. And you are watching the very first official podcast of Design Your Finance. Yay. Just so you know, I am figuring things out along the way. I know that I'm doing a lot of things and I don't want to stop the momentum. So I am putting this out first while I'm setting up my cover art and anchor. So if you're watching this on YouTube, I appreciate your time to watch and listen to this.

This is a personal channel where I talk to you about how designing your finances would impact your life and vice versa. So we will be delving in and checking our mental health and behaviors that trigger us to do such things in life. The moment we understand what our own body needs, what we want in life, and the limitations we have, we can design a life that is worthwhile. So I am going to share my experiences on how I deal with my crisis and how it's helped me in the long run. So this channel, this podcast is going to be about what I originally thought, especially with my YouTube channel, that it's not just about personal finance, but it's also about personal development.

I love improving myself. And I think that if everybody finds joy in doing this and even though there are mistakes in the future, there are hardships in life, it's worthwhile to continue to still pursue. Because at the end of the day, you are benefiting from it. Right?

Today we are going to talk about the quarter-life crisis, how to deal with it, and how I manage my crisis in a pandemic, especially in this pandemic. So please grab some water or coffee or tea or juice, healthy juice, organic juice, and let's dive right in. Okay, so what has been happening?

Quarter-life crisis.

At first, I was always talking about midlife, like I'm having a midlife crisis. But then I got called out that it's not midlife because I'm in my 20s. So it's a quarter-life. Okay, so I researched more. Not I think, but I observed that I've been dealing with this ever since. I don't know, maybe when I finished uni, I think that's when it started, or at least during my senior year. So right now, what has been happening, as I asked?

Well, actually, honestly, I'm having a bad habit today. I wanted to change them. Thinking about it last year, I don't know. For me, it was perfect. I was so disciplined, I was consistent, and I had all the willpower that I could ever use.

But right now, it's a struggle. It's complicated to do it on a day today. And it's just like, I don't know, it's confusing. Right? Even now, thinking about it and trying to explain it, it's confusing because I've done it. I'm already past that season where, okay, I can handle this. It's this easy. I understand. I understood the concepts behind it. Like all the needs, basically, for example, I know what it's like to be disciplined. And I also know what it's like to not have that discipline, but you just want to make things happen. Yeah, I'm motivated. I'm inspired to do it. And I don't know, right now I am the same. Like, all the things that I've been thinking, all the things that I've wanted ever since there's a commitment.

But I feel like I'm still stuck on that day one. It's so hard to just move things and just getting things done. Maybe. I don't know. It's a habit of mind that I don't really, like reward myself so much, even though I just ticked off that Todo list and I just don't like growing up.

For me, it just doesn't make me happy. Like, okay, you've done this. So do next. Anyone can do that. So why be happy about it? And I know that it's such a toxic trait to even begin with because you really have to wait for you to manage things. And if you can't do that for yourself, you can't just tap yourself in the back and say,

“you're doing very well.”

“A lot of people don't even have the courage to do that, and you've managed to do that.”

“So just do a good job.”

But for me, it feels so easy because you're you. I mean, I've had so much high expectations of myself, that fear of failure. There's also that perfection thing.

And so I really wanted to get rid of that or not necessarily get rid of that because it's going to take time, but I just really want to manage that.

I mean, all these things that I'm going to be talking about and what I've been talking about, it's just a way to manage these things. I believe that there's no bad things and good things. There's only, like, the perspective point of view, which side of the coin you're on. And I feel like I don't know where I've heard it from exactly, but he goes to say that there is no such thing as good or bad decisions, but there's only that right decision for you. Yeah, that's really my point.

It only matters if you make a stand on that right decision.

I mean, because we have this culture, like, the society tells us what to do or what to think, what is right, what is wrong. And I think because people are the ones making it and people are bound to make mistakes, and that's okay, because that's what makes us truly human. And it's all part of nature and things like that. So I think that we need to sort of manage the expectations and especially the things that we think of ourselves. Hold on. I actually made a bulletin, like a script, so I don't forget or like, I tend to go off the topic most of the time. So I'm trying to get back on track. But okay, let me see if I can connect this to another topic. And whatsoever right now I'm actually having bad habits and I'd like to replace them with the good ones.

So one of the bad habits that I'm actually trying to change because right now I am sleeping late. But I don't know if it's not really late but like around twelve or one and it's because I can't just shut off my mind. I mean I'm in bed by twelve or sometimes one. But there are times that I just don't shut my mind and I just think of all either the crazy things or just all the ideas popping out. I just want to get on it and work.

And because I heard about this through a thought leader. He's a doctor and he said about how important sleep is and you really have to do some shut eye or at least lessen your blue and the light especially in the room because it activates your melatonin. There's a certain time that a melatonin would produce in that time period and that's what makes you sleepy, right. And you have to make sure that it's not disrupted so that you can fall asleep.

But for me I really just look at my laptop, look at lights on all the time until twelve or like one. And lately it's not twelve anymore, it's one. So I'm just scared to even go through two or three or just change it up because I really want to wake up in the morning.

I love mornings, I love the first day because I feel like I could do so much, I could get some things done and it's just so peaceful. Like you can have all the time in the world for yourself and you could really manifest and pray and things like that because everyone's just so quiet. No one's disturbing you. And every time I wake up at 08:00 a.m. And sometimes I wake up at seven like an alarm goes off at seven and I manage to get out of bed by eight or latest is nine and it's just like so noisy because everyone's out there, there are people selling vegetables and you could see them and we also have like this. I understand that they really need to get to work. That's how they eat, right? If they don't work, then for me to even be sleeping and not working. So I understand. But it does really frustrate me that everyone’s so annoying around the house and not around the house but outside the neighbors and things like that. So I just really wanted to get back to waking up early and there are a lot of arguments well, not actually arguments, but there are a lot of researchers out there about waking up early and things like that. But as much as possible, I just like trying.

The way I manage it is I just get 8 hours of sleep and that's what I've been doing. So if I sleep at twelve, I have to wake up at eight because at least that's a full 8 hours. And I think that's what I've been committing to. So I need to really do something about changing it so that I can wake up at like four or five.

Another thing is like exercising. I used to go to the gym every day, like Monday to Friday. I go there for 2 hours and that's when I feel most alive. I'm so inspired. I don't know, I get moving. I'm confident in all these things. Like all the happy benefits, like what an exercise does. I mean, I try to go back to exercising and just doing workouts at home, but it's actually hard because I'm really drawn to it and I easily absorb energy. That is why I really need to get out of there. But right now, since I'm forcing myself to not go out, I don't know, I feel like because of the lockdown and it feels like I don't really see many people that often. So yeah, that's also one thing about the gym. So I think that's also one of the reasons why I want to slowly at least stay consistent with my workouts. Because even though I'm not going to the gym, I just really want to be disciplined about it.

I think one of the reasons why I'm having these so-called crises is because I'm not really taking care of myself that well. Like anxieties are coming up because my room is always dark and things like that. I'm always on the internet and all I see on the internet are just. I mean I'm not saying that it's all toxic, but it's more on a lot of positive things. I don't really talk to people. I feel like I couldn't see people there because of this whole algorithm thing, like once you like something, that's all you're ever going to see, which is what I hate as well. Yeah, one of these things actually I'm doing. That's my goal.

And one of the practices that I'm changing is to do Monday, Wednesday, Fridays, at least three times, and work out every week.

And another thing is my manifestations and journaling. So I got back to my journaling, which is. I don't know, I feel happy about it but sometimes I don't know, it's confusing because it feels like I'm journaling all the time. But because I have different options. I have the Notes app, like so many apps and my journals are all over the place.

I actually just bought a limited edition, a Journal from Angel Veridiano and I kind of like that manifestation of hers to just do this. And I've really been attracted to this whole manifestation. I tried meditating and that's also one of the overarching goals that I really want is to really meditate because I really just want to take control of my mind. But I couldn't do that yet. So I'm just trying to.

Okay, just do it 10 minutes a day. And there is this like a week that I did on money manifestations, but I ended up not finishing it because I got bored and it feels like I just couldn't do it. So I stopped. Yeah, there's this thing. So I'm really just trying to get back to trying to get back to a different thing, which is I know I'm happy to do it. I just have this Journal prompt. So it mixes.

There's this prompt about what you are feeling? And then there is another thing, like certain questions. It really changes. At least I have two of them. And sometimes when things just pop out, I just like, okay, just document it. Just really do it. So I'm taking small steps one day at a time. So, yeah.

And going back to language learning, it's the same thing. I used to be very passionate about learning languages, but now I'm just like the same thing. I'm slowly going back and back.

Plus I have my work cut up for me. I have so much to do with work and I'm still not halfway there. And I acknowledge that because I'm trying to not disappoint myself by wishing that I could achieve that sooner because it's going to hurt me. Yeah. I just need to find a way to enjoy the process and really stick to being disciplined about the necessary things anyway. So about quite a life crisis.

I also watched a Ted Talk about it from Charmaine Chu. I believe she's a model and she's Asian, by the way. So when she turned 21, she was in math calm or communication arts. Later on, she was booked or something. Like she was scouted because she had this physical. Like, she's beautiful, she's tall. So she was scouted for modeling and acting. And so she did that and influenced her as well. So she was able to earn once she graduated a few years later, it was like her lifestyle. And in the midst of, I think when she was about like 24, 25, just like me, she had that quite a life crisis wherein she's not really happier, she's not fulfilled with the work that she does, even though she's earning this. And of course, there are things like rejections because obviously they do that. They eat rejections for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as part of the job.

And I mentioned her because I wanted to share what she said, which is that the 20s are the best years of her life. It's the best time to make massive calculated risks because we can afford to make mistakes. And that's like one of the things one of the sentences that really put a spark in me.

The same thing, Gary, he was also saying the same thing. Of course, you are going to experience all these doubts and things like this crisis. You're supposed to go through that because at this age, you're not supposed to know everything, right? And I think that if we have compassion and patience with ourselves, I know it's easy to say, hard to do, but it's okay that we are going through that and we're expected to go through that because we don't really know everything. And that's okay.

I just saw her like yesterday about this Ted talk because I was researching. And one thing that I really liked about what she said is that it's the best time to take massive calculated risks, right?

Massive

calculated

risks.

And I like to point out that because, I mean, come on, we are young and we are really capable of managing even the biggest of risks, the biggest of mistakes. Like, it's easy for us to adapt because our bodies are made to adapt and it's also easier because we don't have our own kids and things like that.

It's different for everyone.

But where you are right now,

even if you make mistakes,

it's okay

because you can always fall back.

You know how when you think about a baby or when you look at a baby, you just can't scold them if they fall down because they're just learning to walk! They just got out of the world and they're just really learning about it. Why are you disappointed in that person just cause he fell down?

Honestly, there are companies and people like that who, I don't know, they get disappointed at you just because you don't know these things. And that I don't know, for me, you'd understand why people put so much expectations of you.

But I just don't even understand myself. I mean, I do have high expectations of myself. I don't understand how I'm like the least compassionate person I ever will be to myself. I don't know how to forgive myself if I make a mistake, I'm just so hard on myself. And I know I do forgive myself. I've been trying to learn that, and I learned that the hard way, even forgiving another person. I've already done that not 1000 times. I did it many times. When it comes to doing that thing to yourself, it's complicated. But I don't know. This is like a reminder to me as well that I need to just continue on. I mean, I'm doing okay in a month.

I just really like the calculated risk. I mean, come to think of it, I'm not saying all the resources, but you have the energy and the time to not necessarily have the money because we are building our financial portfolio, but we do have the time and energy to get back up on our feet. And I'm saying calculated risk because I'm not saying go on and make just random mistakes and all that, because that's also bad. I'm not encouraging you to do that, but I just want you to see your overarching goal and go back step by step, strategizing on how you get there. And also plan on how you can do that in a more fun way. Fun, enjoyable way.

I'm just learning to do that. Like recently, I think, last month because I was updating my whole notion page and I actually found this. What do you call this thing?

Hold on. Yeah, but this is like a goal setting in year planning. And believe me, I haven't done this in my 23 years of existence. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, why am I doing this? But yeah, like, right now I've done it, and I think it's easier to backtrack it. When I'm six months away from today, I can just look back and see, okay, this is the progress I made, and I'm actually just looking forward to that as well. I think for me, it's easier to measure it compared to before when I just I'm not really like a vision board type of girl. And like I said, I don't really do the journaling, but lately I've been doing that journaling and manifesting. And actually my meditation is my manifesting Festing, like how I meditate. I journal them as well. Sometimes if I don't do prompts, I read the Bible, like I do devotion. And I've done that in my senior year and I just really wanted to go back. So, yeah, that's the case. Where was I going with this? Hold on, let me get back to where it was going with us…

Yeah. So anyway, for the whole goal set thing, I'm just going to put that in the show notes or in the description box so that you can also do it for yourself. I encourage you to do that for yourself, even if it's already set. I've done it just a few days back. And it's so freeing to see that you have this set of goals. And I know for people who are sarcastic in life, like, how about spontaneity and all these things, but don't plan on things, like have it in detail. I mean, I know that there is a reason why people get disappointed because they so badly want this at this time, at this season, it's like praying to God and asking him to give him that wish or that prayer. But like, honey, it's not like that when you pray, you know how kids remind or ask for things to parents back when we were young, we remind our parents, like, mom, can I ask for or can we go to Disneyland? Or can you buy me this one? You don't demand them. And basically, you also don't know how you get that. But you just know that your mom is going to give that to you from time to time. You just remind them like, thank you so much. I'm so excited to go to this place and all that. And of course, your parents are always going to be thinking about that, and they will want you to be happy and you just have to wait.

You just have to work for it.

Of course, I don't want to entitle you, but you still need to work on it. Like, work it in prayer, work in manifesting. If their actions. And yes, God is going to give that to you, the universe is going to give that to you. You are going to attract that when you do all the things that you're supposed to do. And that's it. Oh, my gosh, you know what? I'm talking. But at the back of my mind, I'm thinking of other things. Like, oh, shoot, I'm like past 30 minutes talking, and I need to move past it, but I'm enjoying it.

I feel like I have so much to say and I don't want to rush things, but I do have to. So it's kind of like that. So, okay, let's just move on. So I guess I'm just going to share two of the things I'm doing on how I manage it. So the first thing is you have to get out of your comfort zone, whether it's language learning, exercising, meeting friends. And because we're locked in, it's different for people who are going out for work. But again, you have your Saturdays and Sundays to basically use that for you and your home. So there is that enough Netflix and chill type of rest. I mean, you can rest like that or even sleep because that is important as well. If you are doing it on X amount on a basis, like a daily or weekly basis, I don't think you are progressing yourself towards something. Yes, you can watch a few episodes of that Netflix and get out of your comfort zone, like trying on new things and tasks. It's actually, like, encouraging, honestly, it changes your whole perspective on things.

You become so much more and surprisingly, you'd find it enjoyable. Oh, you're doing this. And it's like, why haven't I done this right? Because one thing that scares me the most, well, not actually because I'm scared of a lot of things, but I have to live my life the same thing. Like last year. So I don't want to look at my life, my whole, let's say, 70 years of my life doing the exact same thing. I mean, that scares me. That scares me so much because I'm losing a lot of my potential and I really want to progress, like getting out of your comfort zone. And even just once, like, maybe on a Saturday, you just want to go to this restaurant and try to order this, I don't know, scary food or this vegetable and just go out by yourself. You don't need to invite friends, be your own date.

That's also one thing that I really wanted to do because sometimes I just get bored by myself. But like, wow, I mean, I'm not really bored by myself, but sometimes I just stare into space and I really don't know what to do. I try not to look at my phone so much when I'm outside Because it feels like, yeah, I'm outside, but I'm looking at my phone. It doesn't make sense. That's all I do at the house. Yeah.

And then the second thing is social media detox. This works like 100%. I've been doing this since uni and this is very helpful because when you detox, let's say I promised to not look at social media or not open my social media for 30 days and I realized I do that. Okay. And once I get back there, it's like the same thing. It's like I did not go away. So he was like I didn't know how to say it.

You know, the feeling of FOMO, right? If you're not there, you just don't know what the tweets are, what are the posts? It's actually different when that's your means of communication because I did social media detox I think back in my senior year but I couldn't deactivate my Facebook Because of the groups.

There are the school groups and the school announcements. It's there. So for example, let's say for the 30 day detox once a week I check it or like schedule it once a day, I check it from just this time period. Yes, actually, it becomes normal and I don't have to check it, like from time to time. I don't know, it's freeing and the fact now you come back Because you don't have to keep up with everyone's lives and yeah, it really works. Promise. That's why I couldn't even reply ASAP Because I just look at my SMS like on a schedule sometimes in the morning or during the day and then later on. So yeah, just try that out. Yeah, that's it.

And I really appreciate you guys for being on this journey with me. This is like my first long format sort of podcast type and yeah, I'm hoping for more, actually. This is like, okay, I've really been thinking about this for quite a while now, but like I told you, I've been thinking about it since pandemic and because I enjoy these things, you know what, like listening to podcasts, but you want to engage, you want to join the conversation so yeah, I'm doing my own thing. I just want to talk about it so I'm hoping that you do too. I don't know how to end this thing, but yeah, I hope that this helps you so far. I will get back to you with the next episode. See you then. Please keep safe.

Here are the sources and other materials you’d like to see for yourself: 

- How Nutrition, Exercise, Tech, & Sex Affect your Sleep - The School of Greatness with Andrew Huberman (https://lewishowes.com/1219) 

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Patricia Ang