Today I am not going to write about any travel experience but a very personal topic from which I have gone through and still not over with it.
It’s ‘Depression’
A long long ago I didn’t know anything about this but I clearly remember one day I was randomly watching a news channel and their was an interview of Deepika Padukone going on.
She was crying about her mental health and sharing about her depression journey.
I didn’t believe this…I thought what the heck..Ye mental health kya hota hai.(what is this mental health) I seen people going through physical health,fever,heart problems and many more but how can someone’s mind is not well or ill.
That blew my mind.
But around 2020 oct When my mother sudden Passed away….I got really alone. I realised about my Mental situation and I won’t be lying if I would say it is still pretty much hard to get over all the trauma, grief and what not.
Not even a single day till now has passed that I haven’t missed her badly and cried..now crying has been reduced but nothing much has changed.
The first time I experienced physical symptoms-
Around July 2021..I was alone in my house and was scrolling phone….I experienced something inside me.
A chill went down my spine.
I got really scared. I was alone too.
I thought my BP was low so I called my husband and told him to bring chocolate and juice.
Now 4-5 days went good I was okay.
But one night around 3 am I was sleeping and suddenly I woke up with fast heartrate, my mouth was drying and I thought I was having heart attack.
I went into emergency. They given me some pill and injections everything was okay after 1-2 hour.
It was my first anxiety attack and I didn’t know about that.
I thought something is going on in my body.
And the started googling my symptoms,watched YouTube videos (silly me…I know) and got to know that I’m suffering from mental health.
I freaked,
It is true… mental health is something.
I went doc to doc,city to city having numerous amounts of medicine and sleeping all day.
The funny part is whenever I used to ask any doctor that what’s going on..they always told me that nothing is wrong you just overthinking too much.
I wasn’t convinced.
I was having headaches,heartache,body pain fatigue etc so I thought they aren’t telling me the truth.
But here comes the Shining ray.
I met an doc from Bareilly (Up)
He is really a miracle for me.
He told me clearly that this is nothing it just in your mind.
If you think you are having an headache you will get headache so don’t think much…keep yourself busy otherwise you would go doc to doc, files going to increase and you would get nothing so it’s better don’t think about past and future live in present and be happy.
He was very straight forward.
He didn’t give me any medicine and told me very rudely that don’t come again here..you have to have work on yourself. It simple as that.
At that time I felt really embarrassed and angry but after few days when I joined yoga classes,started walking,keeping myself busy etc…I felt really good after a long time.
So I guess his rudeness was the betterment for me.
So I understood that key is to keep yourself busy so your mind don’t get diverted.
Healing is still in process but it’s been more than 2 year I haven’t had any pills and seen doctors.
So now if you ask me how I am…my answer would be that I’m great it just some days I’m less great that’s it.
In my view Depression is nothing but just state of mind…. It’s that you have to have strong enough to not listen your mind.Trust me it takes real courage here.
I know it’s not easy…this journey could take your all energy but you can win and you will win.
Now a days I see people posting their crying pictures,doc visits photos etc…I’m not judging them it’s good they are making awareness but I haven’t had that courage…I was so scared and stress.
Whenever I cried…I cried silently.
I had no energy to pickup phone and clicked selfie of my suffering.
I hope I haven’t offended anyone.
Because it is a very very sensitive topic and I don’t want to sound emotionless.
But this is Purely my Views based on my experience.
Note-Few pictures I have added just because in this whole journey I have become a really spiritual person.
