This is an experimental Creative Write/Free write. I wrote this in the Hive.Pizza DiscordPizza Guild Discord while sharing my screen and asking for input/direction/whatever from the community. I think it will be an interesting way to construct a post and have no idea how this will turn out!
Rules!
They are few:
Anyone else in the voice channel's input overrides mine- I will type and incorporate ideas and input as I do- ANYONE in voice can make me edit or whatever!
Pizza Tips for participants throughout the event.
Other than that this is a standard free writing format! So lets GOOOOOOO!
The amazing
was present and did some amazing artwork for us during the event! All art is attributed to her as well as a 50% post beneficiary
Do you know... the waffle man? Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Apparently he's looking for help... I got a call this morning from a waffle house on Dreary Lane in Maple Valley. They need help. They've discovered something is off with their eggs. A tragedy honestly. I didn't even wait for details and Clark Clarkenson's case is on hold. Sorry Clark. If I can't crack this case I might eat another egg burrito.
The owner's, Sam and Ella Blue, suspect something rotten. One of their cooks noticed something strange. The first egg of every carton had the word help scratched very faintly into its shell. I was intrigued by the mystery, and of course my stomach started grumbling immediately. What could be better than a case at a breakfast joint. All the eggs I can eat. I hopped in my old VW Bug to head to Maple Valley. It was a long drive, but better than flying. Besides, I needed time to incubate my thoughts on these mysterious egg messages.
He had to try again. He couldn't stand the torture any longer. He sat in a tiny cage. One of many. His legs poked through the holes in the bottom and were continuously pecked by the creature in the cage below. Every 15 minutes or so with a loud "BCKKKKKAAAAWWWW" followed by a soft plop, a single enormous egg rolled along a chute behind his cage and joined the hundreds of others on a conveyor belt slowly and gently shuttling them towards the lab at the far end of the battery. The air was filled with a fowl smell and the continuous rustling of feathers was punctuated frequently by clucks and shrieks and chirps and the ever present plop and hum of eggs being inexorably drawn into the laboratory.
He set his resolve and waited for the sudden urge to lay once again...
Blue's Waffles was the name of the joint. It looked like a sorry, run down, greasy spoon. Exactly what I expected. I couldn't wait to try an omelet. I pulled up in the parking lot and sat for a second contemplating the place. The eggs better be good. There were no other cars in the parking lot. Not surprising with the way it looked from the outside. I'd bet it picks up the pace around midnight. I walked up to the door and was greeted by Ella before I even reached it.
"Thanks for taking our case Mr. Thektev." Ella said warmly.
"How did you know it was me? Ella I'm guessing?" I said, immediately suspicious.
"You think people are usually here at 9? This place is usually dead until lunch at least." She replied, smiling wryly. "Funny how it works isn't it? You open up a breakfast restaurant and no one comes to eat until the afternoon! Come on in Mr. Thektev." She ushered me inside and we both sat down at the bar.
"Sam! Come and tell Mr. Thektev what you found!"
"Call me Dick, Ella, Mr. Thektev was my father." A short round man came bustling out from the kitchen. He was bald, so bald he looked freshly boiled. In fact he looked like a chicken egg stacked on an ostrich egg. I guess I'm hungry again. It had been a while since that last egg burrito.
"You got here fast Mr. Thektev! Glad you took the case! Can I get you a drink?"
"I'll take an eggnog... and an omelet." My stomach growled. "Make that two omelet's."
"You sure you want eggs Dick? You are here to investigate them after all." Ella asked before her husband could reply. At least she got my name right.
"Yeah, I need to taste them to see if anything's off at least. Besides, some funky text on the outside doesn't say anything about how they'll cook up!"
"Coming right up! I'll cook up here on the griddle so I can talk if that's alright with you." Sam said as he turned and twiddled the knob on the grill behind the counter. He grabbed a carton of eggs from the fridge and set one of the eggs aside. He glanced at me, waiting for an answer.
"Sure Sam, now tell me about these eggs! I can't see anything wrong with them from here." Sam cracked three into a bowl and began to whisk them together with milk, salt, pepper, and a few other ingredients. Then he set the bowl down and brought the egg he had set aside over to me.
"Take a look here Mr. Tehektev. If you catch it just right in the light you can see faint markings." He handed the egg to me and went back to whisking my omelet. I spun the egg slowly back and forth, trying to see exactly what he was talking about. I know my eggs and believe me, at first I didn't see anything wrong with this one. It was a speckled brown, the kind of brown that tells you the chicken has been eating right. It felt smooth and hard, I couldn't find any evidence that it had been tampered with. I brought it up to my nose and smelled it. It smelled like an egg. I reached out, about to hand it back to him and politely eat my omelet before telling them I couldn't take the case. Suddenly the light caught faint lines just right and a word flashed briefly across the surface of the shell.
"HELP" was all it said. I nearly dropped the thing in shock, but managed to hold onto it. I carefully set it down on the counter in front of me and looked up at Sam and Ella.
"I've never seen anything quite like that." I said under my breath. I pulled a magnifying glass out of my pocket and inspected the egg closely, I rolled it back and forth across the counter trying to catch the light once more.
"THERE!" I breathed, holding the egg as still as I could and not daring to move in case I lost sight of the word. What on earth could make a mark like that on an eggshell without damaging it? It was so fine, almost as if it had been etched by a miniscule laser. Lots of eggs get stamped with some kind of mark or serial code to identify the farm or processing house or whatever. This was nothing like that.
"Ok Sam, Ella, you've got my attention. Tell me everything you can about this egg. Who supplies the Waffle House?" I could smell the omelet, it was nearly ready, and even strange egg messages couldn't silence my grumbling stomach. "Is that omelet ready Sam? It smells divine!"
The experiment's have gotten out of hand. I don't know how much longer I can continue to work here. It's one thing to try to isolate and cure Avian Flu. That's why I applied anyway. It's another to find out that the lab you work for has created hybrid chicken humanoids that lay enormous eggs and show signs of intelligence. The way we treat these creatures is terrible- it's no different to how regular chickens are treated, but these animals are different. They are at least part human. Or so it seems.
One of the creatures seems to be trying to tell me something. It keeps holding on to one of its eggs and waiting for me to walk past it's cage. Then it goes wild and pushes the egg down the chute just as I get near. I'm not sure what to make of it. I've been picking up the eggs and adding them to cartons destined for regular consumers instead of being shipped out to the factories after shrinking.
The shrinking process is quite simple- for some reason these spectacular eggs shrink when in contact with cold water. We run the enormous eggs through a water bath and then they get comingled with normal eggs before they are shipped out to food factories. When the eggs are cooked they expand in size again and allow the food producers to consume fewer eggs while producing ten times the amount of food! It has been the most revolutionary invention in the food industry since vacuum packed sandwich meats and sliced bread. Obviously the average consumer knows non of this and that is why I am considering blowing the whistle. They deserve to know that what they are eating does not come from a normal chicken.
I am recording all of this in case anything happens to me- the truth will come out one way or another. I hope that my efforts to make sure that some of the new eggs make it to regular consumers will attract some media attention and get the right people asking the right questions!
THWOP SQUEEEEEEeeeee eee eee
With a strange noise and expansion of air suddenly Sam's griddle was entirely covered with omelet. I looked on in awe at the sheer size of the meal he had cooked for me.
"Did... Didn't you make that with three eggs Sam?" I asked, incredulous. "Did you add anything else?"
"No Dick, it's just eggs, milk, salt, pepper, and a touch of cheddar... That's how I always make my omelets! I'm not sure what just happened." He replied shakily.
"Don't worry Sam we'll unscramble this mess. Keep your whites clear and your yolks runny my boy. That way you've got options."
