I love my girlfriend, but I am beginning to fear for my life. I don't know what I am going to do by Thanksgiving if I don't propose to her. She always says with the most charming smile on her face ever, "If you don't get on one knee by Thanksgiving, I will hurt you. I will hurt you so bad Sam". Yes, I know what you are thinking. My name alone damns me to hell already.
When people see Barbara and I together, one thing they always say is, "Cute couple. You guys are made for each other" I don't want that. I want to break up with Barbara before Thanksgiving because she has been torturing me for the past five years. I can't bear it anymore. I have to break up with her.
I had this chat with her dad, telling him I can't handle Barbara's attitude towards me anymore but you know what her dad told me? He said, "Son, do not. My daughter is crazier than her mother. Please don't do it for my sake". I was too stunned to speak. Then I knew I was alone on this mission of mine.
For the past few months, I have been well behaved with Barbara because I don't want her to have any excuse when I break up with her. How do I describe Barbara?
Barbara is a beautiful woman, well mannered, with big goals, BUT she is psychotic and she is clingy in a deadly way. If she was to be a spy, she would succeed because she brings her threats to life. I remember when she stalked one of my colleagues, Linda, to the extent the poor lady believed she was being stalked by an entity or alien. Barbara stalked her till Linda moved to another city. When I found out what she did, I couldn't believe my eyes. I asked why? She said, "You are mine, no one takes what is mine"
I thought she was madly in love with me but it's not love, it is toxic love. I have to put an end to this with or without excuses. I don't care anymore.
Hearing my phone buzz, I realized that I was deep in thoughts. I picked up my phone and it was Barbara, facetiming me. Perfect!
"Hey babe" I said as I smiled genuinely.
"What took you so long? You always pick on the first ring"
"Barbara baby, not today, please."
"Who are you with, huh?"
"Barbara, stop! I was just on my computer chatting with the boys, okay?"
"So how is your day going" she said like she didn't just accused me of cheating now
I sighed, "Yeah, it going well–"
"Wow, it's Saturday and it's a shame we didn't go out?" she said, interrupting me.
"Yeah, I've been busy, helping mom to move her stuff" That was a lie, I wasn't helping my mother. I was busy with something else.
"Oh really, that cute of you love, I bet you are best son in the world"
Barbara never calls me love.
"Why are you acting weird?" I asked.
"No I am not, I am just causally talking with my boyfriend. Is that a crime?" she countered
"No, because you are usually moody"
"So who are you texting on your computer by the way? You are smiling, the texting must be more interesting than me?"
"Barbara is just the boys. I told you earlier" I lied again. Shit!
"Really?" she said with an arched eyebrow.
"Yeah, you see we're just sending memes to each other, it's just so funny–"
"Hmmm, that sounds like a realistic conversation" she said, interrupting me again.
But then I realized she was also typing on her computer too while we were talking the whole time. My heart skipped a beat. It can't be, I was very careful, I thought.
"Em, yeah it is. We are just you know enj–"
"Who is Rania by the way?!" she blurted out, cutting me off.
For a second, I traveled mentally to Neptune and came back to Earth, discovering it was extremely hot like I was on Mars!
"Who?! What?! How would I know? What the hell? What is that?!" I said, as I tried to compose myself.
"Then why are you messaging her, you cheater?!"
"No, I am not, look. What are you talking about?" I said while I quickly minimized the proof tab on my computer and turned the screen for her to see.
"Stop lying!" she said fuming
"Oh my God, did you hack my phone or something" shit I just burned myself, fuck!
Barbara eyes dilated with shock as she rolled them
"So. You. Are. Worried. About. Me. Hacking. Your. Phone. Samuella?!"
Shit, when she calls me that, she is about to go psycho on my ass. Good job Sam, you just signed your death warrant.
"Yes, I mean that's sad. I am concerned for you. How did you know? It's so random." I blurted out.
Shit! What the fuck is wrong with me.
"Because you are messaging me, you inconclusive failed human!"
"What?"
"I am Rania! It's my fake account"
"Oh. Oh. Oh. I knew it was you. I was just playing along to prank you". I blurted out without thinking.
"I will burst your face, man. Look at all these lines you sent. You are romantic, you have a business, you have a gigantic cock?! Where is my romance?! Where is my gigantic cock Sam?!"
"Oh don't be silly, I knew it was you. You are dumb" I said as I giggled to cover up my mess.
Barbara closed her eyes and sighed.
"I know you didn't just insult my intelligence. You know what, Sam? I'm going to hurt you. I will not do you a favor by breaking up with you. I am just going to stay with you and make your life miserable."
And she disconnected.
Oh My God! What the fuck am I going to do? Think Sam. I muttered to myself as I paced around my house.
As I was thinking of how to solve this problem I created for myself, I heard the rapid initiation of a chainsaw outside my door. Shit!. My eyes dilated.
Before I knew what was happening, Barbara broke down my door. I yelped as I ran to hide from her wrath.
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