Once upon a time if you peaked through a little window into a small stone-built croft in a dense forest in the depths of the Scottish Higlands you would have seen the following scene unfolding before your eyes.
"Ouch grandma that hurts!" shrieked wee Ted.
"Ach wheest wee Ted, whit, are you a baby the noo! It's only a needle and thread. How else am I supposed to fix your arm ya daft laddie?" asked Grandma Bear.
"Well I don't know, but my arm is sore enough without you push pulling and stabbing or whatever else you are doing to it Grandma. In fact I don't like you any more. Granny T would never do this to me!
And Granny T would not speak to me in that funny language you speak!"
"Well Granny T does not have to fix your arms and legs when you have been a numpty does she?"
"I want to go play, come on Grandma you promised me."
"I dinnae ken what you are saying wee Ted, I promised you no such thing!"
"STOP IT GRANDMA, IT'S DOING MY HEAD IN"
"Oh behave wee Ted it is about time you learnt Scots, don't you think?
"I can't learnt it, it is too hard, and who wants to speak in that stupid tongue. I don't and I won't learn it, I don't want to Grandma, I can't do it. I CAN'T DO IT!!!" sobbed wee Ted as tears rolled down his face but then seemed to vanish into thin air.
"If I have told you, then I have told you a thousand times wee Ted."
Grandma Bear stood up and stretched to her full height.
"There is not such word as CAN'T wee Ted"
"If you look in the dictionary you won't find the word CAN'T!"
"Okay Okay grandma I get it, I get it, no such word as can't"
"That's right, now you get it, when you put your mind to it, you CAN do anything wee Ted, you come from a long noble and distinguished line of Teds. Your father Teddy Edward was amazing, you would do well to be like him wee Ted." smile Grandma Bear as she thought longingly of her eldest son Teddy Edward who had been struck down by the English during the Rough Wooing.
Grandma Bear despised the English for robbing her of her son Teddy Edward and robbing wee Ted of his father.
"I know Grandman I am going to tame a lion, and then I will make it turn against the English" blurted out wee Ted to a bemused Grandma Bear.
"Why ever would you want to do that wee Ted?"
"Because you said I can do anything, well this is want I want to do Grandma, I want to avenge the death of Papa and I will do it, I CAN do it."
"Yes but what has a lion got to do with anything wee Ted? I know you were created in August so you are a Leo but, seriously what has this got to do with England. Is this about money that we owe them, is it about Finance? Something to do with a Leo and Finance wee Ted. Hey, now that is a catchy name LeoFinance, I should patent that for later use wee Ted." Grandma T was chuffed with herself and looked down to see a very determined wee Ted get up off his paws and shout.
"NO Grandma, the national animal of England is a LION, and I swear to you I am going to train a LION to attack them and avenge Papa!" shouted wee Ted and hurled his arms in the air.
"FREEEEDOM" sang Grandma Bear and wee Ted in unison
42 months later in a battleground in Fife
Wee Ted had finally done, it had taken blood sweat and tears, but he had done it.
He smiled as he remembered what he said to his Grandma. It was just a pity that Grandma Bear had passed away before she got a chance to see her grandson avenge the death of her favourite son.
That fateful day 42 months ago change wee Ted, some might even say that he had grown a huge set of cajones, but not wee Ted, he knew it was his destiny, and here he was about to deliver.
Forget Bonnie Prince Charlie the failure, forget Robert the Bruce, forget William Wallace, and see that Braveheart, you can stick that pile of factually incorrect nonsense right up your jacksi thought wee Ted.
Write your own book dreemers, you CAN do it he said to the creature. I got you and I trained you, and now we march.
To London I say, come Leos to London wee go and avenge Papa!
To be continued ...
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All images and ramblings are from me, the mad Scotsman TengoLoTodo.
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