It was less than a year ago that I first saw her. It was at a party. Akira. A tall, strong, brilliant, feisty, fiery woman. She was beautiful to the point that it would take my breath away if I stared too long. My best friend, Ryan introduced her to me. I would have tried to overcome my shyness and at least considered asking her out, if only he hadn’t introduced her as his new girlfriend.
I knew then that I would never have her. First of all, because a woman like her was clearly out of my league, as she dwarfed me in every department that counts. Second of all, her lover was my best friend, a man who had been more of a brother to me than a friend. Plus he was her equal in all things. A King worthy of a Queen. I never stood a chance.
So, I decided to admire her from a distance. I would steal glances of Akira’s lovely face when no one was looking. If she ever asked me to hand her something I’d make sure our fingers would touch. I had to be careful though. I couldn’t let her even suspect that the touching was intentional. Her voice was like an aphrodisiac. I could listen to her all day, voicing her opinions on a myriad of topics that she was clearly well versed in.
That voice would fill my head when I’d masturbate thinking about her. I both cherished and feared those times when she spoke directly to me. I cherished it because in spite of her razor sharp wit, there was a kindness about her and it showed in the way she spoke. I feared it because I was afraid I would pass out.
For the first eight months, I was able to keep my desires satiated with just looking at or thinking about her. But then one day, I beheld her body. My friends invited me to a beach party. Needless to say everyone was in swimwear and so was my goddess. Her sexy red bikini and see through sarong left so little to the imagination. I breathed heavily as my heart raced.
The party was held at dusk. The golden sunset kissed her olive skin and seemed to set it on fire. Her breasts heaved, her long legs that seemed to go on forever carried her luscious frame with such grace, her hips were wide in proportion to her waist forming the most perfect hourglass figure. I was snapped out of worshipping her with my eyes when a friend asked if I was OK. She must have noticed that I was staring at Akira. I smiled and told her I was fine.
When I looked at my beloved again, my best friend’s arms were around her. And his lips were kissing hers. I felt pain that was a combination of jealousy, anger, sadness and unrequited love. But, I tried to pretend that I was fine. I laughed and joked around with my friends. All the while making a conscious effort to keep a distance from Akira. Now that I had seen her in all her glory, I didn’t trust myself to be near her. I may lose control and do something I’d regret. But as the evening wore on, it became more and more clear to me that I couldn’t live like this. I had to have her. I needed her.
By the time I went home and got into bed, I had devised a plan to make that happen. Soon I would make love to my goddess. I would be inside her.
Everyday, I would read books or watch some YouTube video or other about various ways of cooking meat. I wasn’t a great cook, but for the sake of my love, I had to learn. I learned the most delicious, the most succulent dishes involving meat, from around the world. As I worked from home, I had a lot of time to practice. I tried, I erred, I failed at first, but by the end of the month, I was ready.
Akira was a chef. The next time I saw Ryan and Akira, I casually told them that I was trying to be a better cook and I needed Akira’s opinions on my cooking and asked if it would be ok if I had her taste the dishes I made once in a while. Akira, being the angel that she was, said of course, it was perfectly fine. She’d be happy to help.
The first thing I cooked was Roganjosh, a delightful Indian dish. I packed a little for Akira, and went to her place. I handed her the container and asked her to try some. She smiled indulgently and put a small morsel in her mouth. Watching the meat, my meat, go past those full lips and into her beautiful mouth, hearing her chew on it, and finally seeing the look of pleasure on her face as she relished the taste almost made me dizzy. I had to brace myself against the door. The small moan that she emitted almost did me in. I bid her goodnight and drove home.
The pain I had felt in my calf, from where I had taken out a chunk of my flesh was pretty much nonexistent now. All I felt was happiness. I had done it. I was inside my beloved. I had pleased her. My meat had pleased her. She had enjoyed it.
I would continue to make love to her in this manner for as long as my mortal flesh would let me.
The next thing I made was Hunkar Begendi, a Turkish dish made with lamb. But of course, lamb wasn't good enough for my Goddess. I cooked a chunk of meat from my thigh. This time her reaction was even better. A glow seemed to spread across her face as she marveled at the taste that filled her mouth. She said it was one of the best things she had ever tasted. I just smiled and admired her beauty while hoping that the blood from my wound wouldn't seep through my pants in front of her.
This went on for several weeks. I made meat dishes for her with my own flesh and pleasured her. When she had eaten, I’d make note of her review of it and would try to work out any kinks there may have been in my next preparation. I lost flesh from my thighs, my calves, my biceps. The pain would be unbearable. At first. But then I’d close my eyes and see the lovely face of my beloved indulging in the taste of my flesh and the pain would turn to ecstasy.
As I couldn’t go to a doctor for obvious reason, I would heat up a ladle and cauterize the wounds with it to stop the bleeding.
Then, I received news that would devastate me. Akira had gotten job offer in another city and Ryan had agreed to move there with her. I was about to lose my beloved. I cried myself to sleep that night. In the morning, my grief gave way to rage. After all I had done to make her happy. After all the sacrifices I had made, she was leaving me. NO!! I would not allow it! I would either have her or I would die giving her pleasure.
The following Friday evening, I invited Akira to my place on the pretext of trying something I had cooked. Ryan was away on a business trip so we would have time for what I wanted. I invited her in. She said she couldn’t wait to try what tasty delights I had made this time. I stood close to her and told her I wanted her to have my heart. She burst out laughing. But when she saw that I was serious, she asked what I meant. I didn’t answer her immediately. I took my clothes off first.
I showed her my calves, my bicep and my thighs which were now a grotesque parody of their former selves. She just stared at me for a whole minute. Then she asked what the hell had happened to me. I told her the truth. Told her what I had done for her. How I had sacrificed my body to give her pleasure. How I had cooked little bits of myself so I could finally be inside of her. So I could make love to her in my own special way.
Tears began to pour out of her eyes. She began to scream. She told me I was crazy. I told her I was crazy about her. And now I wanted to give her one last gift before she left me. I handed her a steak knife and told her to carve out my heart. I knew she loved Ryan and wanted to be with him forever. And I didn’t want to stand in the way of her happiness. But I wanted her to have my heart. I wanted her to consume it. I wanted the taste of my heart to be her last memory of me.
I was about to touch her face when she gave me a hard shove and began to run to the door. She was running away from me. Had she not heard what I had just said to her?
I grabbed her arm, she tried to break free. I tried to get her away from the door, she struggled. I tried to get her to look at me, to look into my eyes so she could see the love they held for her. I tried to turn her head towards me, she tried to make one more dash towards the door. In my attempt to stop her, the steak knife in my hand was thrust into her throat.
What had I done! Why didn’t she just listen to me? I didn’t ask for much. I just wanted her to have my heart and eat it. Was that really too much to ask for? I held her in my arms as she bled out. My tears mixing with her blood. This was the end. I had nothing left to live for.
This is my suicide note. I’m going to end my life tonight, but only after I’ve had my last meal. And what better meal than my beloved’s body. I’m making a stew that consists of meat from her breasts, her bottom, her cheeks, her lips. Features of her celestial beauty that I had only admired form a distance so far.
But tonight I would have her. My love would be inside me, just as I had been inside her. No one can separate us now. We will be together forever.
We will be one. Forever.