"Ma!! Mamma!! NO...." Renuka awoke at six in the morning from a nightmare that was all too familiar.
That one childhood memory had been haunting her, her entire life. Therapy had helped, but the scars on her heart and mind remained.
However, she couldn't spend time dwelling on it. She had to get ready and get to the Hillman residence, where she was to fill in for her colleague as a Home care nurse. She was to spend the next week taking care of a man in his late seventies, named Randall Hillman. He had alzheimer's and dementia, and was now incapable of taking care of himself and needed round the clock care.
His nurse, Alisha, had to attend to a family emergency. Her brother had lost his life in a car accident. Alisha herself had recommended Renuka to fill in for her, as she was a superlative caregiver.
Renuka had chosen to become a nurse because she had strongly believed that taking care of others, showing them kindness when they needed it, would help her deal with her own pain. And she was right. It really had. Every time she helped someone feel better and healthier, it felt as though her own heart had mended itself just a little more.
Renuka arrived at the Hillman residence at seven-thirty in the morning. Alisha was glad to see that she was on time, as always. Both she and Mr Hillman's nineteen year old granddaughter greeted Renuka. She had already been briefed on what kind of care the elderly gentleman required. She only needed to be introduced to him so he would be comfortable around her.
Randall's granddaughter Sophie, took her upstairs to his room. Alisha followed them.
As soon as the door opened and Renuka saw Mr Randall Hillman, she knew there was something familiar about him. His broad shoulders in particular reminded her of something. She couldn't quite put her finger on where she had seen him before, nor could she explain why she suddenly felt so nervous.
Sophie noticed Renuka's frightened expression and asked if she was ok.
"Oh.... yes.... yes, I'm fine!" Renuka mamaged to reply with a smile.
The old man just stared ahead. The presence of the three women in his room probably didn't even register in his mind. His expression was completely vacant.
After Alisha had giving Renuka a rundown of the duties she needed to perform, where everything was located etc, she handed over charge to Renuka.
The first three days at the Hillman House were quite mundane for Renuka. Her duties included bathing Randall, feeding him, taking care of his ablutions. It was nothing she hadn't done many times before for many other ailing individuals. His granddaughter seemed to be the only family member who cared about him. As she was the only one who visited him. Sophie would come over every morning, and would read the newspaper to her grandpa. This was the only time that Randall's face showed any kind of emotion. And that emotion was joy. He was always glad to see her.
Renuka couldn't help but smile to herself whenever she saw the lovely young woman interact with the sick old man.
However, that trepidation she had felt the first day, remained. As did that strange feeling that she had seen this man before. She avoided eye contact with him. She just wouldn't look directly at his face.
On the fourth day, a Saturday, Sophie came over again in the afternoon. She said there was a lot of junk in the closets that she knew would never be used and she was going to sort it all out and get rid of it.
As Renuka prepared Mr Hillman's lunch, Sophie emptied the downstairs hall closet. She had made two piles of stuff. One for things that would be donated, another for things that would be recycled.
Renuka decided to ask her if she needed any help, but she froze when she saw one of the items Sophie had tossed aside.
A white, plastic goat mask.
She hastily excused herself and ran to the bathroom. There she leaned over the toilet and vomited. She kept heaving for at least a minute before she could breathe normally again.
As Renuka washed her mouth and hands, the worst memory of her life came flooding back to her.
Her mother had hidden her under the bed when he broke in. She tried to fight him off but he was too strong. Eight year old Renuka was forced to watch in sheer horror as the tall, broad shouldered man raped her mother. She didn't see his face as he was wearing a mask.
A white, plastic goat mask.
The man didn't have the chance to kill Renuka's mother as the cops had arrived by then. However, the wounds he had inflected on both mother and child would take years upon years to heal.
He was never caught.
Renuka looked into her eyes in the mirror. She now knew why Randall Hillman had looked so familiar. It was he. The man she had been taking care of was the one who had raped Renuka's mother. While she herself had to watch. Sure, there could be more that only one such mask in the world, but she knew this was the same man who had broken into their home twenty-three years ago.
Sophie knocked on the bathroom door and asked Renuka if she was ok.
Renuka tried not to break down or scream. She simply replied in a calm voice "I'm fine Sophie. I guess it's just a little indigestion."
The remainder of Renuka's time in Randall Hillman's house was a true test of her inner strength. She felt disgusted with herself as she tended to her mother's rapist. She felt nothing but fury as she watched his granddaughter read the newspaper to him. She wanted to harm him. Cut his throat, strangle him, bludgeon him to death.
But she did no such thing. She continued to take care of Randall as well as she had been doing.
On her last day however, after feeding Randall his lunch, an hour before Alisha was to resume charge, Renuka decided to confront him.
She sat on the edge of his bed, facing him.
"Remember Anushka Rawat, Randall?" She asked, in as calm a voice as she could.
She was satisfied to see that Randall was visibly bothered at the mention of her mother's name.
She continued.
"The single mother to a little girl? The woman whose home you broke into? The woman you raped, in front of her little girl?"
Randall began to tremble. His lips opened and closed as if he wanted to say something, but no sound came out of him. All he expressed was the fear in his eyes.
"It's me Randall. I survived and so did my mother. We are both thriving. My mother is a very happy woman today. But look at you! Look how utterly pathetic you are!"
Renuka said those last few words with a sneer. She took immense joy in seeing Randall's eyes well up.
"Are you afraid of me Randall?", she asked with a chuckle, "are you scared? I'll bet you felt so powerful when you raped that woman who was half your size, and half your strength. Do you feel powerful now?"
Randall whimpered, as his tears fell.
Renuka regarded him for a another minute. The monster who had tormented her for over two decades was in front of her. And he was a shaking, crying mess. He was defeated.
The monster had lost. Renuka and her mother had won.
He had considered exposing him. But how would she even do that? She had no proof, except that old plastic mask. She wouldn't be able to prove anything.
And what of Sophie. That sweet young woman whom Renuka had come to admire. If she found out what her grandfather had done, she would be crushed.
Renuka stood up and headed downstairs. Alisha would soon arrive, and she could finally leave this house.
The next morning, Renuka recieved a call from Alisha. She wanted to let her know that Randall Hillman was dead. He had had a massive heart attack just hours after Renuka left.
For the first and last time in her life, Renuka Rawat smiled at the news of someone's passing. She took great pleasure in the idea that she may have caused Randall's death.
Later that week, Renuka paid a visit to her mother and her stepfather, or rather, Dad. As Dad cooked for them, she took her mom to the backyard and told her everything. The old man she was caring for, the mask, the confrontation with him, and his subsequent death.
Anushka wept as she heard all this. She and her daughter embraced as they wept tears of relief together.
Wiping her little girl's cheeks, Anushka said to her "you were absolutely right when you said that we have won. Yes, we have. And I want you to always remember that. We overcame the trauma he inflicted on us. And therefore Renuka, I want you to put it all behind you. Be happy, be as kind as you have always been. And live your life to the fullest."
Renuka only nodded as she hugged her mother, her hero, once again.