Parenting has its ups and downs, highs and lows, triumphs and failures. Today, my parenting was put to the test. I have made a conscious effort to employ gentle parenting at all times and lots of times I succeed. Sure, there are instances that we have some friction at home, I mean no household is ever perfect, but we always make sure that we forgive ourselves and then we try again another day. I can say my daughter and I handled the situation the best way we both could.
We attended yet another meetup with our homeschooling cluster today. This time, it is to showcase their school year. It also served as a celebration of the closing of the schoolyear. Both parents and children wanted to bond with each other while we are all just taking a big breath before we head on to the next schoolyear ahead.
The day started well. I woke up early and had my cup of caffeine, had breakfast with my husband while waiting for the little one to wake up. When she did, she had her glass of milk but she did not yet want to eat breakfast because she's not used to eating that early. I know she'll be hungry come mid-morning but I did not want to force her. So her Tatay just put some biscuits in her bag before we left for the event.
All was going fine. We arrived early which was a really good thing. My little learner doesn't like the feeling of arriving late. We set up her books and artworks, she played with the other kids, she got to meet everyone before the actual event started. When it started, she was all energetic and fine, I can see she was talking to all the other parents that visits her booth. Some moms even approach me to tell me that they loved how my little learner explained all of her schoolwork to them.
After the show and tell, the kids had a little awarding ceremony. It's not like any typical awarding, they all got a crochet garland (more about this project on my needleworkmonday post this Monday). After that, the emcee asked if the kids wanted to share their talents. I just let her do her thing, I was just sitting there at the back (honestly because my social battery was running a bit low already). When a kid suddenly approached me and said "Tita Rome, I think Aya is crying."
I was shocked at this so I went ahead and pulled her away from the crowd. I asked her why she was crying. And in between sobs and tears, she told me that she had approached the emcee and told her that she would like to sing. To which the emcee responded "Okay, you'll go next after this." She cried when the emcee suddenly called on another girl.
I know she's usually reasonable and understands confusions like this but I think it might be because she was also hungry and tired (but too happy to admit it) that caused the meltdown. The emcee noticed it and apologized to her but the little one was really in her grumpy mode already. To fix it, once she calmed down, she was given the stage.
But then, you know the Murphy's law? While she was singing, they encountered a technical difficulty. This once again caused another meltdown. I had to pull her once again away from the stage this time and calm her down. She really just wanted to sing. (I think I'll have to schedule more videoke sessions with this little person.)
Personally, I am not used to dealing with tantrums or meltdowns especially in public. My parents would give me that threatening side eye whenever we are in public, warning me to hold my emotions and show a straight face, even when I'm hurt. That was how I was raised. I did not want to do that because that would just train her to bottle up her emotions, force her to show a smile when deep down inside, she's not okay.
So althroughout the meltdown, I just sat there with her while we were waiting for the people to fix the issue. As for me, I was just about ready to go home and call it a day. But if I did, she will not feel so good about it, we'll end up just arguing about the situation until she forgets about it. So I sat there with her at the corner, away from the crowd, waiting for her to cry it all out and calm herself down.
When I felt she's ready, I asked her if she's already cried it all out. She said yes. I asked her again if she's ready to get back there and face the crowd. She cried again. So again, I waited until she is calm. She did calm down after a few minutes and went back up there to perform her song.
This made me realize that it felt so much better both for her and for me to let her feelings out. She was not okay so she cried. I had no idea how to help calm her down so I sat there while she felt her feelings. It made me realize that as parents, it's not our duty to always fix things for them. There will be instances that they'll have to deal with it themself. I felt just being there, sitting beside her, just trying to understand her was enough in that situation.
It also made me see that we have a village that will help us in raising our child. The kid that told me Aya was crying approached Aya while we were sitting and crying at the back. The kid said, "It's okay. You just cry there. I'll just be here if you're ready to talk." That was an 8-year-old kid. Then another mom approached me and assured me that they were fixing the problem so Aya can sing. I would have told them they didn't have to, but somehow, I felt that the little one would need a chance to redeem herself.
It was a perfect opportunity to showcase the true meaning of our cluster's name: Padayon. It is a Visayan word which means to move forward. Or to carry on even when things go bad. So after all the emotional breakdown and tears and hugs and kisses, the little one was still able to perform. She was a feeling a bit emotional and agitated but she powered through. I know there could have been a better way to handle it but I think, we did pretty good.
How about you? How do you handle emotional meltdowns when in school events like this?
