You've all heard about the 5 second rule when you drop food, right? I used to practice this until one time I suffered the consequences. Don't do that. It's disgusting. You'll regret it. But that's not the rule I'm talking about here.
Some time ago, one of the values we studied and practiced and learned in our homeschooling journey is honesty. We read several different stories about it including the famous story of George Washington and the cherry tree. The lesson being no matter how scary it is, one must tell the truth and face the consequenced of their action. My daughter concluded that being honest also entails being brave. And I agree with her.
From then on, she has always practiced telling the truth not just because honesty is the best policy but because she knows that it is the right thing to do. And I am so happy about this. Until she started telling the truth about everything. Itnis true, truth rrally does hurt. Especially when it comes from a child.
One time, we saw a kid with a limp. I concluded it must have come from a disease or the kid might have been born with it, we really aren't sure. Now, my kid is a very observant child. So she blurted out her observation. A little too loud, the mom might have heard it. I just gave out an awkward smile to the mom and then I talked to my daughter about it.
At first, I did not really know what to say. I know I want my kid to be honest and always speak the truth no matter how difficult that truth is. But I also want her to have a heary that is considerate of other people's feelings. Butnof course still be able to tell the truth. I was in a bit of a pickle at that point.
I know a few people who are too rude and disguises their rudeness as just being honest. I actually admire them for being truthful and frank but still despise them for being too harsh. My kid has one time told me "It's so hard to be honest and not hurt other people's feelings, Nanay! It can't be done." I kept thinking that there must be some way that a person can be honest but still be kind.
It's a good thing I remember a video I watched about honesty. The 30 second rule is very plain and simple. When you want to comment about something [physical] about a person, you have to think first if that person could change it in 30 seconds or less. Sounds easy right? And it is actually doable.
Some examples would be "Hey, you have dirt on your face." or Dude, your hair looks a bit messy or "Your shoelace is untied." These things can easily be remedied. Some may feel a bitntoo uncomfortable to talk about like a snot on the face or durt on the teeth, or theirnshirt is inside out. But these things can easily be fixed. Those things, you can and should be honest about. In fact, it would be helpful for the person if you give them an honest comment.
Now if the thing she wants to comment about is something that will take more than 30 seconds to change or fix - someone's weight, skin color, gestures, mannerisms or habits, etc, she should do her best to not comment about. Of course at her age, it would be fun and cute to hear her say "Your tummy is so big, are you pregnant?" But when she grows up and have developed the habit of mindlessly commenting about someone's body shape, then she could potentially have problems with people around her. (I think the titas on reunions might have started this way when they were kids, no one corrected them, and now they are the titas that their nephews and neices avoid.)
It's not that she shouldn't voice out her opinions. My kid is a very opinionated child and it's a struggke for her to keep her opinions to herself. I like that about her. It keeps me on my toes. So I told her thag the only time she should comment about things that people can't change in under 30 seconds is when that person asks her. "Aya, do you think I look fat in this dress?"
We always practice the 30 second rule at home. Whenever she slips, I just ask her, "Hmm, is that something that can be changed in 30 seconds?" I also give her a chance to spit up some hurtful truths. A lot of times when I'm trying on new outfits, I have her with me in the fitting room. She really tells me when I look fatter with the dress or when the color I chose doesn't compliment my skin, or if the pants I tried on made me look shorter. So far, there's very little occurence of her not following the 30 second rule. I think she's getting the hang of it.
You might want to try it too. The next time you want to say something about someone, first, ask yourself Is it going to help the person? And second Is this something they can change in 30 seconds or less?
