After the overwhelming success of the Hive rally car in bringing mass adoption to the blockchain (we gained at least 3 new users, one of whom was the driver's mother), I am proud to present the next phase of Hive's grassroots marketing strategy.
I am requesting 485,000 HBD over 18 months to purchase and operate a Hive-branded ice cream truck servicing remote towns across Western Australia.
Why Western Australia?
Western Australia is 2.6 million square kilometres. That's bigger than Alaska and Texas combined. It has a population density of roughly one person per square kilometre, and most of those people live in Perth. The rest of the state is red dirt, mining towns and kangaroos.
The truck will NOT be operating in Perth. That would be too easy and we might accidentally onboard people. Instead, the route covers towns like Meekatharra (population 708), Laverton (population 310) and Marble Bar, which once recorded 160 consecutive days above 37.8 degrees Celsius and where the primary hobby appears to be surviving.
Some of these towns are over 10 hours drive from the nearest city with no mobile reception for large stretches of the journey. This is ideal for Hive onboarding because it mirrors the experience of trying to explain Hive to anyone, you're alone, nobody can hear you, and help is very far away.
And I know you're wondering, is there a roadmap? The answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT. There is no roadmap, only road. Dirt roads to be specific.
Why an ice cream truck?
Simple. Everyone loves ice cream. You know what people don't love? Trying to explain what a blockchain is at a dinner party. But you know when people ARE receptive to new ideas? When they're eating a Golden Gaytime on a 42 degree day in Kalgoorlie. That's the onboarding window right there.
Every cone and paddle pop will come with a QR code linking to a Hive signup page. We estimate a conversion rate of 0.003%, which by crypto marketing standards is absolutely elite.
For context, the truck will be driving through areas where the nearest neighbour can be 200km away and where some pastoral stations are literally bigger than small European countries. One cattle station in WA, Anna Creek's neighbour Doonia Downs, is larger than Lebanon. We believe these cattle farmers represent an untapped market for decentralised social media.
Budget Breakdown
- Ice cream truck (used, slight rust): 38,000 HBD
- Custom Hive wrap and logo (comic sans, non-negotiable): 7,500 HBD
- Ice cream stock (12 months): 15,000 HBD
- Industrial freezer upgrade because it's regularly 45+ degrees out there and the ice cream will melt before the truck stops moving: 12,000 HBD
- Fuel for 47,000km of outback driving: 22,000 HBD
- Driver salary: 85,000 HBD
- "Community Liaison" who rides shotgun and hands out flyers nobody reads: 85,000 HBD
- Satellite internet so we can post Hive updates from locations where most GPS systems just display a question mark: 18,000 HBD
- Backup truck in case of kangaroo collision (statistically likely given the roo population outnumbers humans in WA roughly 3 to 1): 35,000 HBD
- Consultant fees for ongoing "strategy alignment": 120,000 HBD
- Miscellaneous (don't ask): 42,500 HBD
Projected ROI
If even ONE person who buys a Paddle Pop from the truck goes on to purchase $50 worth of Hive, this proposal will have delivered comparable ROI to most existing DHF-funded projects. I will not be taking questions on this.
To put the opportunity in perspective, there are approximately 28,000 people living in regional WA outside of major towns. If we reach 1% of them, that's 280 people who will have seen the Hive logo on an ice cream truck and immediately forgotten about it. Brand awareness.
Accountability
Monthly reports will be posted to my Hive blog consisting of a single photo of the truck parked somewhere dusty with the caption "spreading awareness." Engagement metrics will include ice cream units sold, number of people who said "what's Hive?", and number of people who walked away mid-explanation.
The truck will also accept HBD payments, although we anticipate zero transactions through this method since nobody in Meekatharra has ever heard of HBD and honestly at this point neither have most people on Hive (outside of the people who get DHF funding).
In the event that the truck breaks down between towns (which given the distances involved means we could be stranded for days), we will use the downtime productively to write thought leadership posts about Hive's potential from the side of a highway where the only witnesses are kangaroos, wild dogs and highly venomous snakes.
Final Note
I understand some community members may question why we're spending half a million HBD to drive an ice cream truck through one of the most sparsely populated regions on earth. To those people I say: did you question the rally car? No? Then grab a Cornetto and get on board.
A vote against this proposal is a vote against ice cream, and I think we all know which side of history you want to be on. If you love ice cream, then prove it.