Javier Pittman was a career clown turned politician who just wanted a tax-free pie in every fridge and a smile at every party. Javier Pittman was not always into politics in fact he use to smile. Those were however happier times when one could afford to buy a pie.
Being born with natural neon green hair was not always easy. Every kid was terrified of him since the incident at the elementary school field trip to the circus. All the clowns were drunk or on something else and their acts were subpar at best. It was however a cheap trip and one the school took every spring till the incident.
Javier Pittman who had never been to the circus before hearing that others had green hair like his was excited about the trip. He begged his parents if he could get a haircut the day before the field trip. It was longer than shag carpet so they agreed.
He was always rather shy about getting his hair cut. Hairdressers always made off-putting comments about the color of his hair saying it was a poor dye job and asking if he wanted it to be a different color. At the time he liked being different than every other kid so the answer was always no.
Before arriving at their 1:00 PM hair apartment his parents took him out for lunch at the local gas station. He got to have a pick of whatever he wanted. A hotdog and an energy drink ended up being his choices.
That energy drink ended up being a life choice that set into motion a series of unusual events to where he is now day. While at the salon the energy drink started to kick in and he became quite jittery. He wanted to do nothing more than jump up and down and around the place like a crazy fiend.
His hairdresser was an older lady whose hands shook and she could not see well beyond her noise. After fifteen minutes or so Javier Pittman could no longer sit still in his chair while getting a haircut. The hairdresser's hands were starting to cramp so things were getting a bit dicey.
His hairdresser turned on the edger tool to do some edging along his hairline to make it look nice. As she went to take another swipe at his head the jitters got the best of him and he moved. She swiped and buzzed off the middle section of his hair. While she tried to fix it her hands were just too shaky and it made it even worse.
He begged his parents not to go to school the next day. They however were not going to have it as they had important meetings about important meets that they had to schedule the next day. The government wanted to impose a tax on sweet goods and his parents worked at a pie factory. Besides the field trip was non-refundable he was going.
The circus was full of the usual acts. A bearded lady or was it a man? A fat guy trying to walk across a tightrope that was dragging on the ground almost lower than his self-esteem. Jugglers who were missing more fingers than they had brain cells remaining from catching knives poorly. There was even once a midget who ran away with the circus lion who has not been seen in a decade.
Halfway through the act one of the clowns noticed Javier Pittman was sitting in the stands. That clown thought the midget had returned to the circus and was ready once again to be their human cannonball. Before the final act, the clowns backstage got the cannon ready for his triumphant return.
As their final act, they drove the clown car in front of where Javier Pittman was sitting in the stands. One by one the clowns jumped out of the car and proceeded to bum rush towards him. With ropes in their hands, they made a lunge for Javier Pittman and tied him up.
At this point not only is Javier Pittman screaming bloody murder so is every single kid and adult in the place. The lights turned low and one focused on the bald man bringing out the cannon. Before you knew it they had placed Javier Pittman inside of it.
- . . 2. . . 1. . . SSSSSSCCCCREEEEAAAAM.
He shot off like a rocket and landed safely in the netting ten feet away. That is when the clowns realized they had made a grave mistake. That was not their midget but a schoolchild they just used as a human cannonball!
Javier Pittman stood up and took a deep bow. He had never experienced anything so thrilling in his life. The other clowns tried to play it off and even took him backstage with them. They told him how amazing he performed and if he ever wanted to be a clown he could work there.
When his parents found out they first had dollar signs in their eyes. Then they realized that no, the circus was one of their biggest clients at the pie factory. They made the cream pies that they smashed into each other’s faces. With the incoming tax hike, they could not be afforded to lose their biggest client.
The circus was rather happy to settle out of court. They agreed that since Javier Pittman showed an interest in becoming a clown that they would pay in full for him to attend Clown College. As long as he agreed to keep the green hair as they thought like everyone else it was dyed and not of natural origins.
All through his years of school Javier Pittman kept getting his hair cut the same way it was that fateful evening. It scared the daylights out of the other kids who use to make fun of his hair color as they were all scarred for the life of clowns.
The school was less than thrilled about his hair color and style. They ended up suspending him 115 times between elementary and high school over it. Once he was old enough he dropped out and get his G.E.D. to meet the minimum requirements to attend Clown College he did.
For the next decade, Javier Pittman was the main event of the evening at the circus. He was the human cannonball. People would come from miles away to watch his amazing performance. It however was not enough to pay the bills.
Javier Pittman ended up taking side gigs during the weekdays and off-seasons dressing up as a clown. He would attend birthday parties and other events where people would smash him in the face with the very pies his parents made at the factory.
Things were going so great he even bought himself a square pie-shaped earning representing the Pie Square award he once won. One that he would wear all the time to remind him of the good old days. The day's everyone laughed at what he was doing and not just because of his hair color.
It was all smiles and cheers till the government cracked down even harder on pies. The government declared pie public enemy number one for childhood obesity and slapped a 90% tax on it. Soon no one was willing to buy a pie from his parent’s factory. No one was booking his side gig of smashing pies in his face.
The bills stacked high and his smile turned upside down. He could no longer afford to take time off whatever jobs he could hold to play a clown at the circus on the weekends. Even the circus fell on hard times and was only open four times a month and during holidays.
The pie tax had wrecked everything. While it was the reason his parents refused to let him skip the field trip that fateful day when he was a child. It was now the thing preventing him from paying the bills and enjoying life. If only there was no pie tax. Why that person would be a hero.
Vote Javier Pittman. He will fight against the pie tax. He won’t change once elected and vows to keep his hairstyle and earning to send a message. Mess with the pie and the clowns will come marching for change.
Information
Story written by @Enjar. The cover image is of the Hive Punk I own.
Written as a story to @Themarkymark Hive Punks backstory.