Can I survive my pain?

"A shadow in an empty doorway... Call your name but no reply"

Yesterday I quarreled with a girl. Nothing special, a trifle.
We lived together for many years and I did not think that this time it would happen.
When I woke up in the morning, I found out that she was not around.
I did not pay attention to it at once.
But now I'm sitting and crying for the first time in the last ten years.
I had to open a bottle of wine. I first lit a moldy cigarette.
What was I thinking? What am I thinking about?
Tears do not allow you to soberly look at the situation.
I switched on the music and opened a bottle of pills. Will this help?
Probably not...
I need to sleep off. I need to think. In the end I need to talk.
I'm not an amoeba. I must understand what happened.
Can I survive my pain? I do not know...