There's the incomparable love you have for your children, for your family and your friends. And then there is the pure, soul deep, uncomplicated love for your pets.
This is Envy. My best friend on Earth.
We took him in when he was 3-years-old. Saving him from a man claiming he'd shoot the cat if nobody took him.
He fit right in. He was my baby within a week. He became my biggest line of defense against the depression that settled in when my horse died in 2011.
Envy was my everything. My person to talk to, to cry on, he never even complained about wet fur. He's my silly oh-so-sweet boy.
He went through everything with me. The loss of our apartment, the loss of our home, and then came to live in the camper with us.
Worries about having a cat in the camper, I outfitted my reluctant boy with a collar and nametag for a "just in case" scenario.
I said goodnight to him. Woke up, got the kids to school and rushed to work. When I finished work, Envy did not come when called. He ALWAYS comes when called. Especially when food is on the line.
I tore that camper apart, piece by piece. At first it was disbelief, with a cold hard stone in the pit of my belly. My best friend of the past 5 years couldn't POSSIBLY be missing. That scenario was not within the realm of possibilities.
So I double checked everything. The kids and I scoured every place we had been since I said goodnight to him. I took work off, sobbing and calling his name in the rain.
A police officer arrived during all this to ask how long we'd been living behind the building I was searching behind. The answer was once a week. I changed up our location frequently to stop store owners from chasing us out as often.
Our search brought up nothing. I was inconsolable. I couldn't breathe and threw up from crying so hard. I can't even write this without the tears streaming down my face.
I spent what little money I had to print up a hundred fliers with his info and my phone number. Called every rescue, shelter and veteranarian. We went door to door. We plastered our posters on light posts, on in-store boards and convinced some to put him on their windows.
Multiple lost pet sights on Facebook posted him for me and we kept up a daily search.
That was in October. I keep posting. I still watch the rescues and humane society listings.
I pray in my heart that he found a warm and loving home. And the petty side of me hates them for not giving him back.
He is my biggest regret, my Envy. He took a part of my soul with him.
Thank you for reading.