"I'm getting accommodation", he said...
Every tourist I host in my home through Airbnb compliments the Irish for their friendliness. And it's true, an Irish person who is a complete stranger will start a conversation with you as if he were your brother or as if they're just continuing a conversation they were having with you earlier. But they can be so friendly that it can be intimidating sometimes because Dublin has a pretty serious homeless and drug abuse problem...
I pulled into a petrol station today. "Oh god..." I thought.
"A homeless guy."
He didn't look like he was under the influence or like a complete hobo. But I knew he would initiate a conversation and I felt uneasy with expectations. I pulled the car up close to the petrol pump because my filler hole was on the opposite side of the car. I got out and started pulling the rubber hose across and suddenly he was there, pulling the hose for me, helping me get it across.
"I'm getting accommodation", he said.
Well that confirmed my first impression.
"I'm a gardener by trade, but I can't really get back into that until I get a place. I live just over there", he said.
He pointed at a parking lot across the street. I didn't know what to say. But he was holding the petrol pump for me and I would have struggled without his help.
"Is someone helping you?", I asked. He nodded.
"So I'm gonna get back to working soon as I get my place", he said. "I won't just accept any accommodation. They tried to put me in the hostels in the city. I said no, I tried it once 10 years ago and had another man try to get off with me, and people shootin' themselves up in the middle of night, blood everywhere! No way! Safer on the street."
"But you're getting a place to stay?" I asked, just trying to find anything to say to stop feeling so awkward.
"Yes", he said, "I got it. They let me hang outside the shop though. They don't stop me"
He seemed really grateful.
I filled up my tank and he took the pump from me and put it back and I walked into the store to pay the bill.
He never even asked for anything.
I checked my purse. My options were a €20 note or some small change. I knew by the look of him it was drugs that had him on the street. 'What would he do with the €20' I thought... I'd be too embarassed to give him the change that amounted to around a euro.
I don't think I have enough life experience to know if people can really change. I certainly have friends who have grown out of bad habits. But then we all have moments of weakness...
I broke the €20 and gave him a fiver saying "Thank you for the help".
"God bless you", he said.
I drove home worried. I know that giving him money wasn't a bad thing to do; if he's going to make bad choices he will make them on his own. But I can't keep myself from wondering about something he said. "I tried it 10 years ago", he had said. Has it taken him 10 years to get accomodated? Or has he fallen off the wagon multiple times between then and now...?
I'm usually very stingey when it comes to giving money to the homeless in Dublin. The ones in the city tend to mug tourists and pick-pocket and I've often felt intimidated by them when they're clearly off their head and I'm just praying for the bus to hurry up and take me home. This guy was different though. He was staying out of the city where junkies pull them back into the hell. He wasn't bothering people and another couple was making conversation with him as I drove away.
I feel pathetic for giving him a fiver. But I would feel just as pathetic for giving him the 20. Neither would amount to much. All I can do is hope for him. He didn't even ask for any money...
