My mom visiting her friend in October 2022
My sister from New Mexico wrote this and read it at the funeral:
Its 1:00.
Time to call Mom.
When I was working I would call Mom every week or two. It was more of a duty. I struggled to think of something to share. I knew she was lonely, but I was busy with my own life and I didn't want to listen.
After I retired I had more time and started calling Mom more often. It was still a chore and struggle. But I started to actively look for things to share with her. A story or funny that I had heard. An interesting thing in nature. Or something I had done that was stupid or funny. Those were the best. Not only did we share the same sense of humor, we shared the tendency to do the same stupid or funny things. Things that others wouldn't understand the humor of or were to embarrassing to tell another person. Like not being able to hear me on the phone because she had the phone upside down. Those were the best. We would just laugh and laugh. Those were good visits, listening to Mom laugh. It made me feel happy to have brought laughter into Mom's world.
Eventually, I couldn't ignore Mom's loneliness anymore and started calling her every day. I didn't think it would last, but when I missed a day she would tell me how much she had missed me. I tried to never miss a day. The calls stopped being a chore and started to be a visit. We started talking about everything, from our childhood memories, to her brother Bill, to daily events. Then one day we were talking about things Pam was doing and I suggested I read Pam's blog to her. Mom enjoyed hearing about Pam's life so much that blog reading became a daily event. Mom may have forgotten how to use the TV remote or hold the phone, but she never forget to remind me to read Pam's blog.
We had a game we played out of necessity. Mom had bad hearing and couldn't always understand a word. We would spend a lot of time playing word associations to figure out the missed word and get back to the story. When we finally had success Mom would say "Why didn't you just say that?". And I would say something silly like it was more fun to play guessing games. Then we would just laugh.
When Mom's memory and health started to seriously fail, things got harder. It really upset her to not be able to remember the simplest thing. I felt so bad for her as I listened to her struggle just trying to remember how to turn the TV down. Or struggle for her breath walking to the kitchen. She felt like she was such a burden. All I could do was tell her that she wasn't and that I loved her.
It's 1:00
I have so many things to share with Mom, but there is no one on the other end of the phone anymore.
It's 1:00 Mom.
I miss you.
Love you.
Bye