Aloha! We are now just two days away from the autumnal equinox and you'd never know it amidst a summer heat wave with temps in the 80's beneath sunny skies. The lawn is particularly thick with growth as a couple juvenile frogs barely escaped the mower whilst engaging in the weekly ceremony to maintain a manicured turf. I just finished up an evening's repast consisting of a garden burger wedged between tomato, horseradish guac, arugula and two slices of sprouted whole grain bread. My belly is satiated as a Pink Floyd visual medley mix streams via You Tube. After submitting this latest story I will saunter on down to the lake shore and take in the setting sun across Lake Erie.
I awoke this morning with pain in my shoulder, a pain in contrast to the familiar chronic aches I've endured in recent years. I couldn't get my T-shirt on without severe discomfort, and so I'm pretty sure it's a rotator cuff acting up once again. It's been that way ever since I suffered a minor separation of the AC joint whilst practicing Kung Fu well over a decade ago. I adjusted my plans for the day to refrain from physical labor of any kind, other than of course lawn mowing, which doesn't require the cuff to engage. And so I packed a bag and made my way the southern end of the county where cool lake breezes and discounted gasoline on the Catt Rez draw folks from all around the region. It's a priceless retreat and one I do not take for granted.
Shortly after arriving I noticed melancholy take hold, as is often the case when I slow down enough to introspect. Rather than resist the pensive inner milieu, I laid down and closed my eyes in deliberate reflection. I took the helm and began directing my consciousness to very specific moments from my past, with an emphasis on myriad romances for naught- back to my first love in college and my most recent twin flame encounter. As I focused upon the images of my mind's eye- the exterior of a home I'd once shared, or the vehicle we took on long country drives, or a moment of blissful intimacy- I began repeating incessantly, "I forgive my self." Suddenly I broke down, or broke through, crying as if I'd just received word that someone very dear to me had passed. It was the first good cry I had in months, and right in stride with this new moon cycle.
Following the tears I felt a sense of relief as a heavy layer of guilt, regret and opportunity cost, sloughed off as a snake molts its skin. Whatever data had been replaying in the subconscious relented to the pure light of Divinity. I notice my shoulder is aching less, and perhaps will be mostly recovered by the morning. I'm learning to be proactive in taking good care of my self, although I am still prone to over-doing and thinking. I forgive my self. It's that simple. And when practiced in earnest, it is nothing short of transformational.
You can own everything you see
Sell your soul for complete control
Is that really what you need
You can lose yourself this night
See inside there is nothing to hide
Turn and face the light
Dave Gilmour
Peace of I,
InspiraySean