Death is something that the average healthy individual dreads,we feel a certain uneasiness or disturbance when we hear or witness it, generally speaking,it is not something we usually wish for anyone,it is never part of a healthy conversation.
However when the death affects us personally, probably a loved one-a husband,a wife,a father,a mother,a son or a daughter it could unleash the most excruciating of pains,the kind one has never known and wish not to have felt.
You feel a host of emotions,hurt, distress, sadness,denial,anger,guilt,shock,despair-people react to lose differently.
When this happens,there are certain steps or tips that can help in such situations,they are:
1.Dont isolate yourself:this might run counter to what your mind is telling you to do but seek out your loved one's and be with them,they know your feelings,let them support you and you can also join support groups.
2.Let it all out:tell everything that weighs you down,cry out if you feel like it,don't hold it in,don't be a man-dont act strong,show vulnerability,this helps with the grieving and coping process.
3.Allow yourself to grieve:it could take time for one to accept this new reality,don't rush it,take it slow.
4.Be part of the ritual process:rituals like memorial service and funerals helps people to cope,the idea that all the people that came here came because of my beloved deceased can be comforting.
5.Try taking care of yourself physically:don't totally cave in and forget about eating and generally being healthy-remember that your beloved deceased will not like to see you like that.
6.Consider others: remember that though you grieve,others also need you alive,it could be a spouse, children or friends.
7:Dealing with the guilt:maybe you feel your neglect of the person caused his death,here too,talking about how guilty you feel can provide release,also note that no matter how you love a person you can't control his/her life,unexpected things happen.
8:Dealing with the anger:this could be channeled to friends and family of the deceased or to him himself (the significant others in his life never came through for him,or why he/she has to die)all this can be gently told to someone or an exercise-light jugging or long walk can help clear your mind.
9:Help from God:for religious persons you can turn to your spiritual leader or read your spiritually holy books for comfort.
10:Seek professional assistance:this could come in handy if one feels his grief is too much to bear.
These tips can and do help in our death darkened state.
While you won't totally forget the individual because he/she is someone you have come to cherish,and no one wants or is telling you to,you can move forward as you come to terms with the fact that you have to move on.