This "Reactive Mind" is hidden from the conscious or "Analytical Mind." When elements of an environment resemble those of an earlier traumatic incident, the Reactive Mind cuts in and enforces irrational behavior upon the individual. The Reactive Mind is idiotic, and tries to resolve present situations by regurgitating a jumble of responses from its recording of the traumatic incident. Failing to see the cause of this irrational behavior, the Analytical Mind justifies it, in exactly the way a hypnotized subject justifies his enactment of implanted suggestions.
According to Hubbard, the deepest personal traumas were moments of unconsciousness or pain, which he called "engrams." By relieving engrams an individual could erase the Reactive Mind and become well-balanced, happy and completely rational. The earliest engram would have occurred before birth, and would be the "basic" of all subsequent engrams. Those who had relieved this original engram, and consequently erased their Reactive Mind, Hubbard called "Clears." People receiving Dianetics were "Preclears." I began to absorb this elaborate and complex new language.
More recent incidents would have to be relieved before the Preclear would be capable of reliving his birth and his experiences in the womb. I was wary of Hubbard's constant assertion that most parents try to abort their children, but glossed over it, thinking his initial research must have been done on rather strange people. What severe "engrams" had I received? Because so much emphasis was put on birth and the prenatal period, I asked my mother about her pregnancy. Her answers horrified me. After an emergency operation to treat a twisted ovary, the doctor had told her she was pregnant. The doctor said he had held the evidence (me) in his hand. A very nasty "prenatal engram" indeed; perhaps explaining my backache, my slight near-sightedness, or my current intense depression.
I was a romantic teenager, deeply upset by the end of a love affair. I wanted help and I thought that L. Ron Hubbard could provide that help. A year before, a Zen teacher had warned me to join only groups where allthe members had something I wanted. The people I met at the Scientology
"Mission" all seemed unusually cheerful. They were confident and positive about life. Qualities I sorely needed. l had met Moonies, Hare Krishnas, and Children of God, but Scientologists had an easy cheerfulness, not the hysterical euphoria I had seen in these "cult" converts.
Within a few weeks, I moved into the house where most of the Mission staff lived. I asked my Scientologist roommate if he had any pet hates. He smiled broadly and said, "Only wogs." I was startled, and launched into a defense of dark-skinned people. He laughed, and explained that "wog" was a Hubbardism for all "non-Scientologists." This gave me pause for thought, but I dismissed it as an unfortunate turn of phrase. I thought that Hubbard probably did not realize how racially offensive the term is in Great Britain.
I became intrigued by the many claims Hubbard had made about himself. In the 1930s he had been an explorer. A trained nuclear physicist, he had applied the rigorous precision of Western science to the profound philosophy of the East, which he had encountered at first hand in his teens in China, Tibet and India. One of Freud's disciples had trained him in psychoanalysis. During the Second World War Hubbard had distinguished himself as a squadron commander in the U.S. Navy, sinking U-boats and receiving no less than 27 medals and awards.1The end of the war found him in a military hospital, "crippled and blinded."2Applying scientific method to Eastern philosophy, and combining the results with Freudian analysis, Hubbard claimed to have cured himself completely. Out of this miracle cure came Dianetics. Because of his experience of "man's inhumanity to man" in the war, he had continued his research and brought Scientology into being.3
The young woman who ran the Scientology Mission was attractive, intelligent, and bubbling with enthusiasm. She was a "Clear," having "erased" her Reactive Mind, and seemed living proof of the efficacy of the system. The five Mission staff members generated a friendly atmosphere. They listened to whatever I had to say and steered me towards a more optimistic state of mind. I was convinced that they were genuinely interested in my well-being, and found their positive attitude very helpful.
Scientology Organizations are eager to make new converts, and all Scientologists who are not Organization staff members are designated "Field Staff Members," or FSMs, and are expected to recruit new people. Desperately wanting to help, I became a full-time FSM. Before I really knew anything about Scientology, I was recruiting everyone I could.