Our neighbourhood is quietly and systematically being invaded by aliens.
Can't see them? Gosh, how well they blend in!
I'm talking about plants that just appear. And they're not weeds.
Still can't see the invaders? Cunning little sneaky critters, aren't they? There they are, right there, brazen as beetroot and bold as brass.
No, it's not weed! But you'd be forgiven for thinking that's what's growing in our neighbour's verge.
Cue echo-ey voice from above - it's:
Cherry tomatoes
Yes, delicious, innocent-looking cherry tomatoes. Butter wouldn't melt in their mouths cherry tomatoes (well, they don't have mouths, but let's not nitpick).
The same thing happened in our garden a couple of years ago
We were clearing out an old water feature from the pool in preparation for refurbishing the pool, and rehomed a couple of ferns which were flanking the water feature. You can see the feature from this photo taken from the upstairs balcony.
See how there are no ferns there? But wait, something's growing there. We didn't plant anything.
Cue fake scary music now.
We had to say goodbye to what was clearly a friendly Alien Life Form (ALF) as the pool renovations called for "no more water feature", so for a couple of years we've lived with only Earth life forms in the garden.
It's the alien invaders disguised as delicious food
And horrors - it's happening again. A couple of months ago I saw this:
And they're staked, so they're clearly in cahoots with our gardener.
Helpless...to...stop...the...invasion....
Back to my neighbour's verge
When I informed on these invaders growing in her verge, I'm shocked and ashamed to say my neighbour was delighted, and suggested maybe we start a communal garden.
What kind of sick attitude is that? How could she possibly think these alien invaders would bring us closer together and make us behave better as a small community?
Should we build a wall?
Jeepers, Joburg has enough walls to stop an invading army (as long as they don't have tanks or RPGs - then we'd be toast). But an invading army of cherry tomatoes should be stopped in their sweet little tracks by robust Joburg walls.
Walls don't stop invaders that are this clever.
Should we pass some laws denying entry to cherry tomatoes?
Yeah, right.
Should we start a couple of really hard-hitting anti-alien "ban all cherries" websites?
Maybe. We could get all the other much-better-behaved vegetables all riled up so they rise up against the invaders.
We could interview all the other vegetables whose jobs have been displaced by these invading tomatoes. This would provide never-ending web content. One day we could interview a few maize ears that have been chowed by (invading) armyworms. Another day we could interview peppers that just want to be called capsicums but have no idea how to tell us. We could interview my lone pomegranate as it flourishes on the branch, but darn it, there isn't one this year after someone stole last year's sole fruit off the tree the week before I was going to harvest it. No, I haven't gotten over that, and I won't in a hurry. But I digress.
Oh, wait
Maybe invaders aren't so bad. Maybe invaders bring something good to the neighbourhood.
The solution?
Embrace 'em and eat 'em.
