Selective Service Website Crashes Amid Panic Over Military Draft: In the aftermath of the US drone strike that killed Iranian General Suleimani, the Selective Service System reports receiving so much traffic from people panicking over the possibility of getting drafted, that the website crashed.
And hell, that was just from Donald Trump’s friends and family! Wait till everyone else gets the word. In related news, the CDC says they’re busy making plans and preparations for an expected bone spurs epidemic.
Trying to dispel fears, the Trump Administration reminds citizens that they’ll be no need for a draft - not as long as we have so many desperate, poor people in this country. And, the President pledges to keep that income disparity alive and well through additional tax cuts for the wealthy.