*RIIIIIING *
-You may speak!
-Is it Steve I'm talking to?
-Yep!
-Hello. My name is Kenny and today we have a special offer in the form of three pairs of underwear that you get free for no obligation shipped to your home and it ...
-No thanks. I do not use underwear.
-Oh .. but it's nice underwear and all you need ...
-I wear thongs ...
-Brrr ... These underwear are in specially designed fabric
-But can't you hear what I'm saying?
-The fabric is specially made by ...
-You may hear this:
CLICK
Photo by Mimsy with Creative Commons license. CC0 Creative Commons (https://pixabay.com/)
Gnhh! I don't like to throw the handset in the ear of people trying to do their job. Let it be known that yours truly does not have any personal vendors against people on the phone. In fact, I once applied for a similar work. Unfortunately, I did not have the skills to sell myself. Well. As I said, I don't mind those who bring in the daily bread by getting twohundred words a second thorough a phone line and sell all kinds of suspicious stuff. What I am against, however, is:
- People that don't listen to me when I say "no thanks"
- People calling me at 9 o'clock in the evening to sell on me calves
We at Sugbloggen™ now want to give you some solid tips on how to get the caller to throw the earpiece in you instead. Because if it's the seller who first calls me, I also want to make it the seller who first puts on the handset. Vibration-free from my side. How the seller feel on the other side of the phone is nothing we can take responsibility for. Keep in mind that this requires patience, planning and dedication. The seller already has this in the form of a salary based on how well they meet these above mentioned premises. However, if you have only a cheek of obscurity that this blog's owner has been gifted with, it will not be long before your phone number will be blacklisted by all telemarketing companies.
Some key rules: Don't be rude, don't be vulgar, no person attacks and keep your mood up. The important thing is to get so annoying so the seller throws the handset, but at a direct request from his boss, "the mysterious thing was that he was nice as a hell, well spoken and yet so damn annoying. A bit like a shiny itch ".
- When the seller has run his routine - humbly ask him to repeat since you "accidentally pressed the speaker button on your phone".
- When the seller is done with the second round - kindly ask him to repeat again this time a bit louder because you hear so badly.
- After his second sentence - excuse yourself for interrupting him, but if he could be so kind and raise his voice a bit because you hear so badly and there's a construction site nearby.
- After his third sentence - again excuse yourself for interrupting, but can he raise the voice a tad more.
Now that you've got the seller to shout with thunderous voice, you're sorry and say you've got an issue called a STMLS, short-term-memory-loss syndrome.
- Ask who he is.
- Ask who you are
- Ask if you have met?
- Ask him why he shouts with that thunderous voice?
When he lowers the voice, repeat steps 2-4. Once he has reached the throne level, you say "Om my god! I'm so stupid! I have apparently switched off my hearing aid. Excuse me for a while "and leave your phone. Go away and have a cup of coffee. If he is still on when you come back repeat step 5-8.
If the seller has not yet given up on you, an additional step is required. Here's how, and take notes here. For those of you with less skills, we recommend that you have written a manuscript so that you do not get lost.
A. Kindly say that you have trouble with incontinence and have to visit the loo BUT that you really want the seller to call back in exactly three minutes because you think it's time to buy new underwear but you really, really have to go to the toilet now .
B. When the seller three minutes later calls back, you answer with a high pitched voice, the trick to breathe in helium can help with in order to get up an octave, saying that there is no Steve here. Ask what number he hit and correct him by saying he hit a one instead of zero at the end.
C. When the seller is calling back, reply to your usual voice.
D. Repeat steps 5-7.
E. Repeat 1- 4.
F. Repeat 8
All this steps above should be done with a soft and nice tone. If he still has not given up, take a hold of the conversation and tell a long anecdote about the briefs, weggies, swimwear, strings and that time when you and your camping buddies got lost in the woods in the middle of the night. If the seller is still there, then praise him with an order but address change to your best friends address instead ...