Everything started about 4 months ago... I hit a rough patch and a group of close friends were really dickish. I lost some status and for some reason that was a big deal to them. Turns out, it was a really big deal for me too, but not in the same way.
I tried to narrow things down. I spent several weeks trying to figure out exactly why I was so in my feelings and all i could come up with was this sense of defeat. not upset that i lost some friends but pissed that they left me before I could leave them.
Things began to snowball after that and I eventually realized I didn't want to replace anyone I lost; in fact, I didn't want to be around anyone at all. And i still don't. I'm pretty confused to be honest. I have addictive tendencies and it
s something i have to be careful about, and these last couple months I think I realized I had become as addicted to people than I had to heroin.
I feel so free without the stress of social interaction. last year I couldn't understand why phones had a "do not disturb" feature. Now I go airplane mode whenever i can lol.
So back to the title, how did I get here? The answer is a typo in my googles search. So why am i bothering to post? health reasons. I would say I have an above average amount of mental fortitude, and still, i got pretty close to the realm of delusion. Pro tip: if you're going to isolate, don't get on the internet while you do....
Although I'm not super into the idea, I will concede I need people. there seem to be people here, ergo, me here.