Change is a very scary part of life. Sometimes it takes our world being flipped upside and completely shaken for us to be where we are meant to be.
It was November of 2011, I was 18 years old...
A few months prior I had finally set myself free from an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship that I had been in since I was 13. I was hanging out with my cousin and asked if she knew of any single guys that wanted to hang out. I was in luck, her moms best friend had a brother who had also a few months prior, separated from his relationship. She was never a girly girl and mostly had guy friends and this particular one happened to be one of her best friends. She was headed to his house that day and asked if I wanted to come, so I did. After my previous relationship I wasn't looking for anything serious, just a friend. He was in the shower when we got there, his cousin was playing video games in his room so my cousin sat in the chair and started playing too, I made myself at home and laid on his bed. A few minutes later, that is when it happened. He walked in the room and my heart skipped a beat.
Sparks immediately flew. He was so handsome and a lot of fun. We all hung out for a few hours and he ended up texting my cousin to ask and see if I wanted to stay and hang out with him. Corny, I know but it made my heart skip another beat. I was really nervous though. I had been played and used by a lot of guys, I couldn't handle another heartbreak and I wasn't truly convinced that he was any different. We watched a movie and then laid on his bed and talked for hours and hours. I'm a shy person so conversation with strangers doesn't come easy to me but it did that night. It was like I had known him my entire life.
I was so nervous that he was going to try and have sex with me and never call again unless he wanted more but he didn't do that. He held me as we talked and laughed all night. I left and that was the start of a lifetime of love. I received daily "Good morning beautiful", text and many more conversations of him getting to know me. I went back to hang out several more times and we eventually went on our first real date. I picked the movie, I can't remember the name but it was a very terrible horror film. That was the day I met his mother for the first time too. She was resting in a hospital bed after having a series of crippling strokes.
After a few short months, I remember sitting on the edge of the bed and he put his arm around me. That was the moment he looked me in the eyes and said it. He said, "I love you".
I choose you. And I'll choose you over and over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I'll keep choosing you.
Devon swept me off of my feet. He accepted me for who I was. He helped saved me. I was anorexic when I met him. I hated my body, hated myself. He helped me to love myself. After a while, I stopped starving myself, stopped throwing up after eating my one small meal a week. Now, food is my best friend! It felt so much better to accept myself and be content. I also used to cut myself, Devon helped me through that too. He really truly helped me find my self worth.
I had been living with sister and was eager to move out. It was not really the smartest idea but after a few months I did move in with Devon. I was working as a Certified Nursing Assistant at the time. We were young and had our fair share of problems. We moved fast and were both scared to be in love. Our love for one another has been tested several times over the years but some how, some way we push through and made it work. In 2012, he had gotten into some trouble. I was unsure as to if I wanted to or even could wait for someone who was possibly going to jail. That wasn't in my 5 year plan and I was in a very tough spot. Love is patient and love is kind though, right? If you truly love someone and both people are willing, I feel it is important to find a way to make it work. So that is what we did.
It wasn't easy, at all. It was really, really hard. A lot of tears and mean hurtful words were sent from both of us. Eventually after years of fighting in court, he won the case. It was finally over. By this time, we had also found out we were pregnant! Were we ready for a baby? Probably not but she sure saved us both. In June of 2014, our daughter was born. In the previous years prior to her birth, we both unfortunately strayed away from home in one way or another. Those are very deep and intense wounds that we are still to this day working through. There is no excuse for it and not every couple can overcome those types of issues. Trust me, we tried to leave one another, several times. In the end, you can't help who you love and we always found our way back. After all, Devon has always told me, "I would rather have bad times with you than good times with anyone else".
Life throws problems at us that we will not ever know the correct way to push through. We don't know what will be the correct path to go. All that we can do is follow our heart. For the last seven years, that is what I have done.
The couples that are meant to be, are the ones who go through everything that is meant to tear them apart, and come out even stronger.
Things were going great for a while and getting back to normal. Devon had started a successful business and I became a stay at home mom. We both still had demons to deal with though, demons from our past long before we met each other. In 2016, Devon was arrested again. A few days later, I was too. I was always a good girl and never thought I would see the day that I would be in the back of a cop car. My mom and sisters were not very happy either. They have never been a fan of Devon and this situation made that worse. Would I have been arrested had I not been with with him? More than likely not but I did make the choices to land me there. It was a mistake that we both made and we deeply regret putting ourselves in that position.
Here I was, ripped apart from my little girl, scared to death. I got arrested on a Thursday, I had an interview for a nursing home job that Friday morning. I missed it. Instead, I laid in a single jail cell on suicide watch. I couldn't have silverware or even clothes. I had to wear what they call a "turtle suit", its this big heavy green suit all inmates on suicide watch must wear. Before being placed in that cell, I was down in a holding cell. Devon was next to me. I was sad, hurt and confused. I kept hearing him say, "it is going to be okay, dont cry".
The next day was the bail review for us both. They shackled my hands and feet, walked us to the van for court and I seen Devon in the van. It isn't the ideal love story but I was relieved to see him. We weren't aloud to talk to each other though. Finally, I was up to speak with the judge. I was released from jail a few hours later. Immediately my mom and sister, who both picked me up, drilled me and tried to convince me to leave him. I was informed by my sister that she filled for custody of my daughter.
Is he, or should I say was he, trouble for me? Probably so but I knew a different side of Devon. A side that needed help, someone to be there. I didn't leave. Upon his release that same night, we were told we had to move that night.
With nowhere to go, we grabbed what we could and took our daughter with us and went to a hotel. We were homeless. Damn if that wasn't a fucked up feeling. I felt hopeless. We had to get help for our room and food trough local churches. The hotel was our home for the next two weeks. We failed our daughter. It was the worst feeling in the world.
We were offered a place to stay with a church family. We had no choice but to go. It was a way to get back on our feet. At this point, it was still Devon and I against the world. I eventually went to court for my charges and got put on probation. I had to convince my sister to drop the custody charges. Surprisingly, as weak of a person as I am, I was doing okay. Devon seemed better and I had made the choice to stay by his side. We sort of did a super random thing at this point and got married. We were truly up against the world. My mom wasn't very happy when she found that out, as expected.
After a few months, we found a place to live. Man, things felt so great again, so normal. However, things were still rocky with Devon and my family. At one point, my mom got so mad at him she rode to our house so that she could physically fight him. He left prior to her arrival so that no one would get arrested and he wouldn't have to see her. I was glad he did. After a while my mom realized that this was my life and she couldn't change it, even if she tried. She has learned to love me for who I am and be as supportive as she can.
Right before Christmas last year, we were told that we had about a week to find a new place because the house we were in, was getting sold. The dark cloud just doesn't go away. We really had two options, my daughter and I could go to my moms or for us to stay together as a family, we all 3 could go to West Virginia where Devon has family. The decision wasn't easy. What made matters worse, Devon was still dealing with his trial from 2016. With no date set yet for jail, it was inevitable that he was going. Did I want my family to stay together and me have to spend a few months alone while he goes away or do I rip my family apart and stay where I am from? Change is scary, no matter what it is.
My daughter is a pure daddys girl. There was no possible way that I could separate her from him. I made the choice to move away. It is about 5 hours from my family and friends. It was a very difficult choice for both of us. Devon had the option to stay in Maryland too. In the end, we both chose love.
Falling in love all over again
Loving a person unconditionally is extremely difficult. When you have every reason to run but decide to stay, it is hard for some people to understand. Falling in love with Devon all over again, is meant to be literal. We've had it really rough. Staying madly in love, just didn't work out like it was supposed to. Today, I can say that I am glad I have stayed this long. I have officially began to fall back in love with him all over again. We have had a very trying relationship but looking back, we both have always had each others back. *We have had some of the worst but many of the best times together.
Neither one of us want to stay in West Virginia. This is just our temporary home. A place we were destined to go, perhaps for the sole purpose to fall back in love. Devon still has to go away and I am still struggling with being alone in this state. With me working and my daughter in school, when he does go, we will only be able to go visit about once a month. That is very difficult for me but I have faith that he has truly changed and once this is over, we will be okay.
Now we still have one more hurdle until the next round of them come along. We have to get past his legal case. This is still the scariest. He doesn't deserve to leave us, he has changed and paid his dues. However, we both know that he did commit crimes and there are still consequences. Just like with everything else the last couple years, I must remember to stay strong. I must remember to stay positive no matter what happens. Life has been an emotional rollercoaster the past few years and times when I thought things were never going to turn around for us, in one way or another they did. I need to stay strong for our daughter, for this family. I don't want to let her down again and neither does Devon.
I recently wrote my letter to the judge for Devons trial. I will end this love story with my letter;
To Whom It May Concern,
I find myself writing this letter with a very heavy heart, for several reasons. I have known Devon for seven years now. For many of those years he had been lost and confused as to what was really important in life. He used to always do what in his mind; he felt was suitable at the time without thinking of the consequences. I have watched this man turn from someone who basically had no goals and no real drive to do well in life, to someone who now spends every minute of every day working hard to turn his life around for the better.
Unfortunately, sometimes it takes situations like this for a person to realize what truly matters in life. It takes something so terrible, to show people that it is time to grow up. That is exactly what getting in trouble this last time did for Devon. Getting in trouble isn’t new to Devon but this last time was different. It changed him for the better. It woke him up and forced him to grow up and be the man that he has now changed into and because of that I couldn’t be more proud of him. I couldn’t be more proud to be his wife and to have him as my daughter’s father. We all know that our actions can at times, have bad consequences that we have no choice but to deal with and to learn from. I know this and so does Devon. However, Devon’s four year daughter doesn’t.
Devon is our daughter’s entire world. She eats, sleeps and breathes her daddy. She doesn’t know and will not understand why her world is about to turn upside down. Devon wishes more than anything that he thought of this, of the consequences, before he made them. It is unfortunately too late and he does have to deal with them now. During his time waiting for this day, he has done absolutely everything that he possibly can to be here for his family and to prove that he can be something amazing. I have watched him suffer for his consequences already. Suffer in ways I have never seen another person suffer. He has gone through this internal battle and he came out stronger than ever.
This situation has been a nightmare in more ways than one but one thing is for certain and that is the fact that this changed Devon to be a better person. It made him become a true family man, a man who now has a conscious. Devon has already paid for his crimes, in more ways than one. Regardless of what happens today, this is something that needs to be done for Devon to finish facing his actions. I just hope and pray that you will find it in your heart to take these things I have said into consideration.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
This isn't your typical love story but I am okay with that because every love story is beautiful. With love, you can conquer the world. You can feel safe, warm, comforted, wanted and needed. With love, you can have it all.
