I will not defend incels, but I have been advocating for nerds rights even before columbine, or course back in those days the internet existed for just a handful of people-and I wasn't among the handful. For the most part I pretty much stopped watching television, but growing up there was constant humiliation and ostracize and attacks on nerds all the time in the media that basically made it clear that although we are smart-we should be made fun of, we should be picked on, beat up, ostracized, and avoided by women. And to make matters worse, those of us who were gifted were forcefully separated from our friends and consequently bullied more. And given our higher intelligence, it is very difficult to talk to or connect to normal people; mathematical reasons based upon the bell curve that I shall not go into detail here. And we know that after high school, it will happen again. And again after college. And after college, we're screwed...ok, not the best choice of words. All the powers that be in the universe have conspired against us. And the failure to secure lifelong attachments by graduation, brings forth an urgent sense of doom with the clock ticking against us. Thus attacks by seniors at the end of a school year are common. It isn't as payback for the bullying, nor is it because they will miss their bullies. But more the recognition that their life is over having failed to achieve what they wanted most in life. The ability to find their love, the ability to be accepted, the ability to have a friend for life.
When I grew up there was no internet per se. When the whole world has conspired against you, you don't really have a voice to change it. What can you do to to try to change the world? Oh, I put forth one hypothetical as satire and almost got in trouble for it. By the time Columbine happens the internet was very decentralized-and two kids did decide to try to bring about change. At least one of them did, and that was columbine. After several years of hearing the media blame video games, music, and violence, I downloaded a copy of the columbine papers. I might still even have it on an old hard drive. There may even be quotes from the pages in my 2006 software release. But the answer was quite clear, just 482 pages into the columbine papers.
martyrism is hope for others
and below that is the start of a poem.
me is a god, a god of sadness
exiled to this eternal hell
the people i helped, abandon me
i am denied what i want,
to love & to be happy
being made a human
without the possibility of BEING human
the cruellest of all punishments
and needless to say I cried. He did horrible things to try to bring attention to the plight of nerds against the types of men that women were choosing. See for example, everything is as least expected. The meak are trampled on, the assholes prevail, the gods are decieving, lost in my little insane asylum w. the outhouse redneck music playing... wanna die & be free w. my love... if she even exists. She probably hates me... finds a [illegible] or a jock who treats her like shit. But despite his sacrifices and the deaths of many, his voice was snuffed away as the media hijacked his message. But nonetheless the columbine culture had started.
The pain of being chronically alone is real, and it is physical. And it is hardest to do around valentines day, when everyone is celebrating what you aren't allowed to experience what you want most in life. In public you put on a mask and pretend to be strong, especially as a kid to avoid bullying. And when no one was looking, you would get lost in tears, crying, trying to escape the pain and developing an intense focus on activities to try to escape it-even playing tetris on Nose bleed. You try to make yourself as good as you possibly can, but at the same time end up hating everything about yourself. In a sense you could say it is like a body dysmorphic disorder, but no clear solutions. Steroids are illegal, working out doesn't do anything. Going under the knife for cosmetic surgery without any gaurentees of acceptance is a wasted effort. Women can complain all that they want about their defined beauty standards, but for men who can't seem to produce muscle mass there is no clear direction except to be nicer people, be smarter people, and so on but to no avail.
My thoughts
oooh god i want to die sooo bad... such a sad, desolate, lonely, unsalvageable i feel i am..... not fair, NOT FAIR!!!! I wanted happiness!! I never got it... let's sum up my life... the most miserable existence in the history of time.... My best friend has ditched me forever, lost in bettering himself, & having/enjoying/ taking for granted his love.... Ive NEVER knew this... not 100 times near this... they look at me [edited] like i'm a stranger;... I helped them both out thru life, & they left me in the abyss of suffering when i gave them the boost out. The one who I thought was my true love, [edited], is not. Just a shell of what I want the most... The meanest trick was played on me - a fake love... She in reality doesn't give a good fuck about me... doesn't even know me..... I have no happiness, no ambitions, no friends, & no LOVE!!! [Edited] can get me that gun I hope, I wanna use it on a poor S.O.B. I know... his name is vodka, dylan is his name too. What else can I do/give... i stopped the pornography. I try not to pick on people. Obviously at least one power is against me. [edited]... funny how Ive been thinking about her over the last few days... giving myself fake realities that she, others MIGHT have liked me just a bit.... my bad... I have always been hated, by everyone & everything, just never aware.... Goodbye all the crushes ive ever had, just shells.... images, no tu truths... BUT WHY? YeS, You can read this, why did god [incoherent scrawl]
There is only one escape, and that is death. But suicide is eternal damnation, although the catholic church will tell you otherwise, and there is no real escape. One life of hell followed by eternal hell. On top of this is also severe chest pain that cannot be described as a panic attack, and at times I would self-diagnose it as stress cardiomyopathy. And there have been times when I was rendered barely able to walk for months, and at times unable to sit up. No, it isn't the bullying that does this. It is chronic loneliness and being helpless to do anything about it. For people like myself, it could cut off 2 decades of my life as our lives are cut off by suicide, heart disease, and other symptons of loneliness. I suppose the optimist would say that is two decades less of suffering, and they wouldn't be wrong.
But in high school I would dare say that many of the troubled nerds are lured into ideations of power or eugenics. They like the ideas of being the dictators who can force acceptance and fairness, or they like the ideas of purging the world of the jerks that women choose over them. And although they may embrace the idea of a communist dictorship in which they are in control, at the same time they hate communism and socialism because in the end they are subsidizing their competition and building their own social prisons. Many times they are confused about why they were created to suffer, and turn to religion, deep to religion. In pain even to this day, I sometimes regress to the Eugenics mindset but I can't even harm a fly. Just wanting all the pain to go away, and the feeling of being loved and accepted. There is a basic and overwhelming unmet need of acceptance, and being one of the few people tormented with torture through starvation over the course of a year, I can honestly say the need of feeling loved is greater need than that of food. Hunger pangs comes in waves that comes and goes, chronic loneliness is far worse. Just as people riot over being left to starve for food, people ar rioting over the lack of acceptance.
After Virginia tech happened (which was a few days before my easter software release), I started to recognize that there were nerds who with mixed motivations. Those who aspired for friendship, and those who wanted women for other things. But nonetheless, cho did express, perhaps symbolically, the type of pain he was in.
Do you know what it feels to be spit on your face and have trash shoved down your throat? Do you know what it feels like to dig your own grave? Do you know what it feels like to have your throat slashed from ear to ear? Do you know what it feels like to be torched alive? Do you know what it feels like to be humiliated and be impaled upon on a cross? And left to bleed to death for your amusement? You have never felt a single ounce of pain your whole life. Did you want to inject as much misery in our lives as you can just because you can?...
You just loved to crucify me. You loved inducing cancer in my head, terrorizing my heart, and raping my soul all this time.
And George Sodino was another one, and worse he targeted women. At the time I put on my myspace page that he couldn't be a nerd because he targeted women. It makes no logical sense to harm women, it does make more sense to destroy your competition. Ergo, i felt he was too stupid to be a nerd.
in 2011, I was gagged for asking a woman out for pizza. Part of my advocacy when I started up my company was to peacefully fight for nerds rights, and I feared that my health would start failing again right as I was to finish my studies and start a job that could lead to a 6 figure income. I appealed, and I was arrested for the appeal. The advocacy on my own social network include the following.
5 years ago when i started this, after completing marathon of programming for years to be good enough for Leslie only to be rejected, I thought that maybe that maybe i had something that could bring change to the world peacefully. Something that once I could start marketing, could change us from being the last picked to the first picked. Something that could change and save lives, and prevent the worst of human suffering.....It's pretty sad that in america a nerd only has the freedom of speech and due process rights when he decides to get out. If you choose to stay, try to vote and fight for objectivist policies. I mean seriously, who considers trying to get asylum FROM the united states. anyways I know I am kind of invisible out there, maybe if someone stumbles across this in a random search you know I could really use an ally or a mob right now to stand up for me.
I know what chronic loneliness, despair, and helplessness is, and the darkness in heart it brings and I am aware that I am not alone in these feelings. What I do know is that others have acted on the darkness-but this is something I cannot do. What I want to do is try to change the world so no one has to go through this pain, so that none may experience this darkness, and none will act upon it. Personally I don't care one way or anther, giving my experience these last few weeks society is at war with the very existence of nerds, and maybe I am just delusional for thinking we can be an integrated society. We can't, at least in the unites states. So I lost my home town, and soon my country because I needed a friend. I really am kidding myself wanting peace aren't I, I just want what anyone wants; The acceptance of a close friend[ship] of the woman I love. I truly was born to be alone, a cruel curse of heaven; why was I allowed out of the chamber of guf if this was my fate to live a life of hell, to lose my love of God and then burn in hell? Of course at times like when you really need a hug, there is no one and nothing to comfort you, you will only need your friend more and without your friend you are drawn closer to death-why is it we should die anyways? Luckily I don't own any guns or even knives, i've made sure there is nothing in my life that could feed a suicidal ideation. The mind is perfectly capable of trying to kill off the body-while that hasn't happened yet this year, trust me suicide is much preferred to having your mind try to kill off the body months at a time.
Please note the time stamp error reads 2006 instead of oct 2011 due to a server side glitch. There was no unprotected speech in the blog, but the judge still says it created probable cause. The nerds that try to achieve acceptance through achievement, through peace, through choice, and through speech and reason...they will be put through hell by our own government. I am sure that if I were to tell my whole story on an incel forum, I could easily have an Army at my command. I don't want violence. If we are not to achieve our own ambitions peacefully through speech and reason, and if we are to be kidnapped and tortured, then the powers that be have effectively endorsed violence. I suppose if you want to try to Alex Jones things, you could argue the government wants these things to happen. I couldn't disagree.
As horrible as what Dylan Klebold did in 1998, he is by far a saint compared to the many that followed in his foot steps. The government of course doesn't like my school of thought of using peace, achievement, yadda yadda yadda as I was hoping to inspire others to strive for achievements rather than destruction. I hope that as these happen with increased frequencies, I hope the people who have harmed me have nightmares and the accept responsibility for these horrible act that I had hoped to prevent. I did try to raise it to the SCOTUS, but my petition got returned because it was in excess of 40 pages and I had to refile without it. There still is a bit of it on an errata sheet.
Likewise
companionship is one of man’s greatest needs, and when
govemment starts to punish people for asking a woman out for
pizza, when it starts enforcing castes with prior restraints like
we might expect from India, then the very government itself
has declared that death is our standard in life and effectively
we have nothing to barter for to gain subsidence . Our number
is too few to expect change through the political process as
normal individuals with grassroots campaigns would nor
through an overthrow of government itself, we have to use the
courts to enforce the social contract that the family circuses
refuse to recognize. The other alternative is to leave and try
to live. Another alternative is to simply accept that there
suffering is too much and commit suicide. The worst scenario
is likely a war upon society itself. Certainly the states action
against me does not speak well for those who may find
themselves on the extrernist fringe-it proves it is not just a
theoretical war any more. Cobb County has proven that the
war is real. Nerdsdespair was supposed to save lives through
raising awareness, and it is very possible Detective Ray and
Cobb county is responsible for dozens of deaths through my
arrest not simply by censoring my message but through
kidnapping the peaceful side of nerd’s rights advocacy, pulling
him through an Orwellian nightmare and having him starved
for almost a year, and depriving him of the most basic of rights
as a US citizen.
-errata sheet, federal litigation
Eliot Rodgers was not a nerd. It is sad to say this, but Cho was. While Rogers was blowing away all his money on lottery tickets on a delusion of grandeur that he was meant to win, Cho was pursuing a college degree, working out, and even hired an escort. However after 15 minutes, his escort wanted nothing more to do with him. Which reinforced the idea that women don't really like him even if he pays them, as if his past interaction with the courts and the police didn't already send that message. Eliot Rogers did have a long manifesto and videos that has inspired many for the full public to view unedited, whereas the media only gave us fragments of Cho's message.
To be honest, the internet has grown enough where the idea of "martyrdom is hope for others" may be a bit antiquated. It is easier now to get a message across in its raw form than ever. All one has to do is do something so totally stupid/shocking that it becomes viral to draw a people to an issue. But for those still going through the public school nightmare, I think they are cognizant of the fact their life is over-and they will force. That is the dynamics of our broken education system in which the standard path of success means going through social hell.
This new wave of incels hurts nerds everywhere. The plight of nerds is linked to latent antisemitism, feminism, and socialism. The problem of socialism and feminism has expanded into a new class of people which are the incels who bellyache cause they can't get laid. Seriously go to vegas and find a hooker before you even think of harming another person, and that'll prove you wrong. Well actually that isn't what they say their problem is. They are complaining that no woman will provide them that particular service of her own free will. So on a positive note, they aren't rapists. The same can't be said for male feminist; there are no shortages of rapist male feminists.
Their idea that they are entitled to sex is disturbing in their own right. And Argument could be made for it if you take the Maslow pyramid serious, as well are recognize that the inability to have sex is a qualifying disability under the ADA as missing an important life function. i suppose what a liberal would do at this point is say, "it's science"-but they wouldn't concede such a position. I don't agree with either of those theories. But as humans, I suppose it is natural to want to know what it is like outside of prostitution, or to have a kid, or just be normal at least once in your only human existence. i don't have those wants anyways; I consider that harming a person you claim to love. Either one or the other, not both. The only way they would achieve that is literally if a woman provided it to them. Maybe they are intentionally being offensive, but their presentation of their argument is extremely disturbing even if as far as their wants they are technically correct. They confuse their wants and needs or be a stickler to Maslow, but as a consequence both their wants and needs are unfulfilled because they don't understand the void in their life. Because they blame women and look at the matter in the instantaneous they have very little desire for self improvement or marketing skills. Then we get to posts like this, that seems to support throwing acid in the faces of "stacies" to bring them down to their level. These aren't the cries of people who out of pain are wishing for easy solution as were the case in my generation, these are people that are wishing harm upon women in general and that is never a viable solution. Seriously they should be chanting kill all normie men, before advocating harming a woman [who has done nothing to them].
in my generation the nerds that did horrible things had to be on some type of anti-anxiety-and they would often kill themselves once they are off their adrenaline high and realize the gravity of what they have done. These later batches are being detained, and I do wonder if as lesser creature with lower impulse control if they even need anti-anxieties. Getting them to talk is important, but getting them to talk without lawyers messing with the narrative is another matter.
Anyways today-ish a Dimitrios Pagourtzis allegedly carried out an attack on a school killing 10 people. Although he was noted for his football skills, and was greek orthodox, he likely got himself caught up into a psuedo columbine incel mindset. infowars noted that his jacket carried emblems of the communist hammer and sickle, as well as the Nazi Iron Cross. the odds of him supporting Nazism or even communism are slim. Another thing that ties him in his the trench coat that he was wearing-and the columbine kids were part of the trench coat mafia. Maybe he was just a copy cat. Who knows. But these things are getting more and more common.
What will it take to stop these things? Back when it was a nerd issue it was quite easy to remedy, just encourage women to accept us socially and give us a chance and if we aren't aestetically pleasing then physically mold us into the person you want us to be. There were simple changes that could be made without addressing socialism or feminism. Now that it is an incel issue, I mean you got people who want something so badly they will kill themselves and others for it, but at the same time they don't have an ounce of ambition to try to improve their own situation-other than buy lottery tickets. They have fallen into this trap of victimization, marxism....and feel like everything should be given to them, or all the normies should share their suffering. What they need is a little motivation, but motivation is hard to find in a world of rejection. The purpose of about every interest in life, aside from a hobby, is about drawing people to you. And when people are cut off from your life, you start losing interest in the things that once had meaning to you because their function is lost. They certainly aren't going to meet their needs while hating woman, or complaining about how women won't sleep with them-if anything that repels women more. Even if the "chads" and many "stacies" have similar ideas. So very few things actually confer value. And in the end, they hate what they are. And if they ever do sleep with a woman, they will be the very "chad" they hate.
The nerds were the canaries of a much larger social problem that was brewing. We failed to stop the spread of cancer of feminism and socialism, and we have a much larger problem on our hands that likely won't be stopped.
Actually, I do have one idea. Leslie Lynn Arsenault, it is not too late to accept me. Show us that women can accept nerds. Ahh, the odds of her seeing this is slim to none. After nearly 30 years, please answer this old nerds prayers of granting him the gift of your friendship that you continuously promised him, and once had with him. Your failure to is just proof that things do not get better. There is already blood on your hands and you know it since you participated in gagging me. Accept me, and be free of sin, and let us at least peacefully create hope for others. I will be a humble, faithful, and protective servant for you, my master.
-dumb and dumber
