- Don't park your car in a manner that blocks other people's driveways or chokes up the flow of traffic. (Such as parking on the side of the street directly across from another car parked on the street.) If you do block someone's driveway or choke traffic, someone might just throw some fireworks into various parts of your car and light them. And I will laugh. Because I hate inconsiderate people that do that shit. (No, I'm not gonna throw fireworks in the SUV and light them. But if this happens again, I will try to have them towed.)
Yeah. That. That SUV. (Our truck was in the driveway when it parked there, too. Our big truck. What an asshat. Isn't the first time they've done this, but it better be the last.)
2)Don't hit another person's house with your fireworks.
3)If you do hit someone's house (or vehicle), APOLOGIZE to them. (Even if that means you have to knock on their door and tell on yourself.)
4)If you caused damage to their house (or vehicle), take responsibility for it.
5)If you hit someone's house (or vehicle) once, don't risk hitting it again. Whether or not you caused damage the first time.
6)Don't intentionally shoot bottle rockets and/or roman candles up on your neighbor's roof during a drought. (Had a neighbor years ago that did that repeatedly for days leading up to, and on, the 4th of July. I did get revenge though.)
7)DON'T shoot fireworks at or throw in front of cars driving on the road!
8)If you're shooting your fireworks off in the street and a car comes by, if you haven't gotten the fuse lit, move out of the car's way and let them pass! While the street is great for setting off fireworks, its primary function is to be driven on. Don't block the damn street.
9)Don't be that American Asshat that holds on to the explosives and blows apart your hand in front of other people and traumatize them. If you want to blow yourself up, fine. Good for you! Just don't do it where other people have to be traumatized and seek therapy after seeing chunks of your hand flying everywhere. (I feel the same way about motorcyclists that don't wear helmets. Don't traumatize other people by making them have to see your brains spattered all over the road and other vehicles.)
10)Are you pissing off your neighbors by being too loud and rowdy? Instead of yelling and screaming and feuding with them, apologize for bothering them, then invite them over to join in on the festivities. Free food and booze, and offer to share some of your fireworks.
11)Don't be that American Asshat that lights M-150s and/or M-80s and drop them down the barrel of a shotgun and aims it. Just. Don't.
12)Don't use those really big mortars on a populated, residential street. Especially one that is thick with tree canopies.
13)Don't use those really big mortars with a short launch tube.
14)Don't endanger other people.
15)Don't drink and drive.
16)Don't light off fireworks when drunk.
17)Don't leave children unsupervised with sparklers and other fireworks.
18)Don't hand sparklers to toddlers, if you do you're an idiot and I hope you get arrested. (I have seen so many toddlers with sparkler burns around the 4th of July over the years, it's ridiculous.)
19)ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOUR ABILITY TO HAVE FUN AND CELEBRATE THE 4TH OF JULY IS NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE SAFETY OF OTHERS. If you're irresponsible with your Independence Day festivities, then you're an American Asshat. Your fun is not more important than the safety of your neighbors and/or those you're celebrating with.
This has been a public service announcement brought to you by @NovaAteBatman.