Emotions and Anxiety
It is very difficult to find a girl who hasn’t watched the ‘Cinderella’ and dreamed about her marriage. It took my whole life to plan for my marriage day, even when I hardly understood the word marriage. I used to get into lengthy discussions of what I will wear on my wedding day, how will I manage to walk with those heavy lehenga and jewelries. But when the day was finally there, all I could feel is a flow of emotions and anxiety.
One night before marriage is terrible night where you are happy, excited, nervous, sad all at same time. Yes, I was happy but that is not the only feeling there were a medley of feelings that goes on in heart and minds a night before wedding. I felt like hugging my father and never letting him go, I felt like lying in my mother’s lap forever. There was also feeling of little butterflies in my stomach when I though of ‘him’ and I was also scared to accept the change.
Seeing myself as a bride was one of my dream, I was happy all those years with just the thought of becoming a bride. But only a to be bride knows what she feels a night before her wedding day. I felt like running away, it was scary night. I was told to have good 7 hours sleep to look beautiful but I just slept for 2-3 hours, it was all because of anxiety. What will happen, how will I look, will everything go well, will I be confident, will I be able to leave my parents. You get thousand of thoughts about your future.
These little thoughts bring up a lot of mixed feelings. The most worried part was will he love me, will he accept me the way I am, will he be the way I always imagined my partner. I knew him from past 9-10 months, we talked enough to know each other well. But I was being warned that there is this difference when you talk to someone and when you start living with them. It doubled my worry.
Dream we lived together
But then I was excited about this day, we had lived this day in our dream, we were waiting for this for so long. After this day, there exist no soul who can keep us apart. We lived enough of our life without each other, we just wanted to get united. I was desperately waiting for man of my life, I just wanted to be his bride sooner. I just wanted the night to pass as fast as it can. Being with him was the only thought that was keeping me awake. I waited for him enough, now I just wanted to be with him.
It was not easy for me to leave the home I grew up in and the people who were always there with me. I hugged my father and cried on his shoulder, I cried in the lap of my mother. I was crying because I never wanted to leave them, I was crying because I know I am leaving the part of me in that house, I cried because I was leaving everything that belongs to me, I cried because I was happy that I am marrying him, I cried because of all the reasons that I don’t even know.
But still, I smiled with the thought of all that comes ahead in my life. Now I will be with the man I love and dreamt of being with, I will have a new family who loves me already and many new relations. Every bride goes through a melting pot of emotions before her wedding day but there is that feeling of excitement that takes over all other emotions at the end.
A beautiful day was waiting for me next morning – My wedding day!