Hardly a day goes by where there isn’t some sort of commentary about how bad unions are, and why they are the worst thing to hit Australian businesses since the removal of slave labour.
Fortunately for the lazy, arrogant and incompetent managers, they are the best friend that they can have. Here are some of the top reasons why we should open our arms up to the union movement.
Gives You Someone To Blame
Have you just negotiated an enterprise agreement that didn’t go as well as you thought it would, or with exorbitant wage increases, is going to cost the company more money than originally budgeted for?
Before the C Level managers or board ask you the question about how it happened, make sure that you point the finger at the union official who sat at the negotiating table and told you what you HAD to put into the agreement.
Saves You Actually Having To Talk To Your Staff
Are you sick of talking to your staff about changes or think that all they do is come to you all the time to whinge and whine about the smallest thing?
Do you really want to tell them all to harden up, though know you can’t because it would be in breach of your company’s touchy feely Code of Conduct?
Solution.
Close the door and ignore all of them. They will eventually get the idea that you don’t care about their kindergarten sob stories and take the matter straight to the union official the next time they come by. Or, if things are really that bad, they may get the union official to make a special visit just to talk to you.
You will be able to breathe a huge sigh of relief that instead of having to talk to 10, 20, or even 100 staff members you will soon be dealing with one union official. Remember, as soon as you start talking to a union official about something, it gives you someone to blame for whatever happens next.
Diverts Attention Away From Your Own Incompetence
Do you believe that you should be able to do whatever it is that you want to because YOU are the manager?
Go ahead fire that person by SMS or give them a drum on the day that you don’t want them working for you, and tell them to beat it.
Sure you may end up in the Fair Work Commission because of your actions, though a creative manager will look at it as a chance to get out of the office for a few hours and meet some new people.
Sure you may have to pay some ‘go away money’, though you can always blame on the unions and the ‘failings’ of the Fair Work Act.
You Need ‘Something’ To Prove How Valuable And Important You Are To The Company
The easiest way to do this is to allow the union official to wander around chatting to whomever they want to, while having a good old snoop around the place. This will allow them to dig up a few more issues that may not seem relevant or that big to begin with.
Once they have enough ‘stuff’ you may find yourself having more and more meetings with union officials that someone else will need to be put on to do your original job.
Get Some New ‘Friends’ To Have Lunch Or A Few Drinks After Work With
The best way to do this is to arrange a meeting with a union official before lunch or close to knock off time. That way when your meeting is over, you can invite them down to the pub or cafe for a bite to eat, and a chat among ‘friends’. After all, who in their right mind would knock back a free meal?
If the company accountant questions the excessive charges on your credit card, you can always tell them that you needed to take them out to lunch to sort a few more matterS out. That way it is a double bonus for you. You get to look all important by being able to diffuse a nonexistent problem, and you get to feel good about yourself because of the company you are able to rustle up to join you for lunch/drinks.
There are many more reasons why the lazy, arrogant or just plain incompetent manager should jump at the chance to have a chat to a union official.
So before you jump on the bandwagon and join the chorus of people who are demonising The Movement, just remember, they could be your savior one day.
Now before anyone jumps up and down, and in case you hadn't picked it up, this is a satirical post...