After taking my computer to my dad a couple of months ago when the touchpad stopped working, I got it back. Apparently my laptop is just a piece of garbage that didn't have enough space to support updates. He wiped it of all the needless apps it came with, and reinstalled windows as bare boned as possible. Maybe I'll be more active here again! Someone once said that trying to navigate Steem with your phone is like trying to clean the bathroom with a toothbrush.
Ok, he didn't say that. It was something more clever, but you get the point.
How have things been? Any interesting news? Anything change? I haven't written a post in so long so I feel like a noob all over again!
Yesterday, I found out something that is quite groundbreaking to me, and I want to tell you about it. I took a test that is designed to reveal the negative aspects of one's personality. Here is a linkto the test if you're interested.
I answered all 104 questions honestly. Here is the description I was given.
Sorry it's cut off. I took a screenshot, and sent it to my husband. There wasn't much left to the description anyway, and I really don't want to take the whole test over again.
I was also given this.
I never really knew what schizotypal was, yet here I was, being told I'm 100% schizotypal, so of course I researched it more. I was blown away! Almost all the information I found about schizotypal personality disorder was accurate as to how I am. Here is schizotypal in a nutshell. Note that schizotypal is not the same as schizophrenic, as those who are schizotypal do not hallucinate.
So, how am I connecting this to organized stalking? Well, when I found out that I am schizotypal, I felt the need to evaluate my experience with organized stalking. I feel the need to seek the truth. What is real, and what is attributed to this personality disorder?
Let's take a look at each characteristic of a schizotypal person, and I will try to connect the dots on how it pertains to gangstalking in a cohesive way. There will be a schizotypal explanation, and I will also investigate how organized stalking applies.
1.) I think people's words or actions apply to me, when they don't.
In truth, this does happen. Sometimes I look into the words and actions of others, and often I interpret them incorrectly. Oftentimes my insight is correct though. I am highly sensitive to looks, behavior, facial expressions, or even the way someone texts me. Sometimes I perceive purposeful ambiguity directed at me, and I feel I can detect ones even unconscious . Here is an example: Once I expressed to my mother in law that we were out of some household items, and we didn't have any money. She didn't offer to help, and we continued our conversation on messenger. Then she said, "If you need anything, call me at home, because I have to charge my phone." Well, I swallowed my pride and called to ask her for help instead of hinting around, and she didn't answer. For two hours she didn't respond. I thought she was messing with me by telling me to call her, then ignoring me on purpose. I was so hurt, and was actually in tears because I thought I now knew the truth about how she really felt about me. She did get back to me, and apologized for not calling sooner, but she had decided to run to the store. There was no malicious intent, but I was absolutely convinced otherwise.
So how do I know if I was gangstalked if I can't even properly interpret those who I have known for years?
Well, because of reality based attacks such as these: The words that inexplicably appeared on my computer screen were "Boo. grrr. growl. scared." I am still censored on Pinterest. My 2 laptop's hard drives were destroyed when I tried to fix them after finding spyware and evidence of remote desktop hacking, as can be confirmed by my father, who is a software engineer. It is a fact that everytime I went to the sparsely populated spot at the lake, another vehicle would either sit and park, or circle in and back out. A police officer said, "We've been tracking what's going on with you for the last four years."
This I can cling to when I start questioning the reality of it.
What about the other things that happened? Did I misinterpret it all? What about the ones who drove by my house laughing their asses off the day I was considering suicide? Did I misinterpret the reason why a thug came out of a house and into the street 2 1/2 blocks down the road while my kids and I were outside - and looked in my direction with his binoculars? If I was wrong, what would be the true explanation for someone to do that. My 7 year old remembers this too, and recalls being creeped out. What would be the true explanation for people in vehicles honking their horns at me 3 times when there is not a traffic circumstance that would warrant it? What about the hand signals?
I have to conclude that most incidents of organized stalking were properly interpreted, and directed at me, but I will also concede that sometimes I probably read too much into normal everyday behavior. The puppet masters in charge count on this though. They want to be covert to others, and obvious to the targeted individual.
When I was a teenager, I was fascinated with everything paranormal. I delved into library books ranging in everything from haunted houses to clairvoyance. I tried moving objects with my mind, tried developing my psychic abilities, used a Ouija board in an old abandoned school. Thankfully, this is something I have mostly grown out of. I still have a wild imagination, and I always will. There is little further elaboration on what "odd beliefs" even means. Do my beliefs deviate from the masses? I suppose...
Gangstalkers count on the victim's imagination because it is like gasoline to a match. The targeted individual's psyche wouldn't be effected nearly as much, if he or she didn't have an imagination. When it first started with me, I thought I must've done something horrible to cause so many random people to hate me, and I thought something horrible would happen to me because of this. I imagined my own rape and torture in a futuristic less free world, I imagined my home being invaded, I imagined someone falling in love with me and saving me from it all, I felt like someone was reading my mind, my every thought exposed. I would wonder if maybe some of them are trying to stop the gangstalking and protect me. The whole first year was very intense.
My imagination didn't make up the gangstalking. I was probably targeted in part because my imagination can be used against me.
3.) Unusual perceptual experiences, such as bodily illusions
Nope, never happened.
4.) Thoughts and speech that don't match the conversation
This is what struck my husband, Jared, the most. He always mentions how I change the subject in conversation, but in reality it is connected, but not in a way people can understand, because I'll go from point A to point C by skipping over B. For example: my husband told me about a dream he had. It was of an old man just complaining about everything. Jared woke up yelling at the man, telling him to just stop complaining. Then Jared realized the old man was just an older version of him, and that being content without finding something to complain about will always be a struggle, something he will always have to keep fighting with. It made me think of how one of our doorknobs keeps coming apart, and how our struggles are like struggling with it and twisting that stupid thing back into place all the time. I can't find the Phillip's screwdriver to truly fix it, so what comes out after my husband tells me all that? "Where's the Phillip's screwdriver?" I also have a hard time with eye contact, and I try in vain to mimic social norms, but I'm always noticed quickly. This is extremely distressing.
This abnormal way of thinking and acting makes it hard to form and keep connections. We are loners and outcasts. Organized stalkers will often target someone who doesn't have a ton of connections, and they want to keep them isolated. When successful, the stalkers will be able to trigger psychosis in the victim's brain. I suppose those who skip over B to get to C would be much more susceptible to mental havoc under the right stressors.
5.) Schizotypal Personality Disorder is marked with paranoia
I mean, I can be paranoid about things that have nothing to do with organized stalking. I know this because I have been proven wrong about some of the things I was paranoid about. All I have to ask is this: Is it paranoia if it's really happening?? I was given very high doses of antipsychotics in the beginning, but they didn't make me ignore the blatant activity going on around me. If I was really paranoid, wouldn't they have helped?
6.) Flat, constricted, or inappropriate expression
I have no expression most of the time, so flat and constricted. Yes, I'll smile at the cashier at the store or what not, but 99% of the time my face is neutral I guess. Maybe that's why I don't have wrinkles yet at 36 years old. When I talk to new people I will often have a flat tone of voice.
I will say that 99% of the time, I am also aloof toward my stalkers. I show little evidence of even noticing them, whereas someone more expressive may show their fear, annoyance, whatever.
7.) Eccentric/unusual behavior/appearance
I suppose so, but if I could look at myself from someone else's eyes, I would know for sure. No odd appearance though.
Gangstalkers are groupthinkers. They fit into their group and are a team. They are socially accepted in said group, and know how to act accordingly. So unusual? You mean I am an individual with individualistic thoughts and behavior? Okay. I can deal with that.
8.) Few, if any close friends, other than immediate family
It's hard to say this, but I haven't had a close friend since high school. I don't know how to act around people or make friends. I have mainly my husband, my mom, my dad, and my mother-in-law. Other people are peppered in here and there, but those are the four people in the whole world I am actually close to and talk to regularly.
I'm sure I don't have to explain why this would make someone an easier choice for targeting compared to a normal person.
9.) Social anxiety that does not reduce, linked to paranoia, not self-esteem
This the bane of my existence. This is my thorn in my side. This is why high school was so intense, and I stopped going. This is why I can't hold down a job. Schizotypal people will seek help for their extreme social phobia, but nothing works. BECAUSE THEY'RE SCHIZOTYPAL!!!! When I read this, it all made sense, and pulled it all together for me. I have been seeking help for social anxiety for 19 years. Nothing I have tried, no amount of professional or spiritual help has put as much as a dent in this nightmare! Let's just say you won't ever see me at Steemfest.
People with social anxiety want to be accepted, and gangstalkers convince the victim to have the perspective of being rejected by the community, hell the world, humanity itself even. Over and over and over again. Mixed signals will switch from positive to negative. Something nice in order to get their hopes up, then an aggression to demoralize them.
If 5 or more things are true on this list, I could have Schizotypal Personality Disorder.
So am I schizotypal? Yes, I think so.
Was and is the organized stalking real? Yes, I know so.
There is an unusually high level of loud traffic on my normally serene and quiet street today...even as I write.
