🦋 I often listen to the beautiful meditations of an Australian lady named Jess Shepherd on her you tube channel Rising higher meditations. Her voice is so gentle and peaceful I sometimes fall asleep during. This afternoon I needed a nap and so I looked up a new meditation and expected I will slowly drift away.
After a few minutes I felt this sweet relaxing mode taking over and I was just a tiny bit away from falling into sleep when the magic started to happen. Jess guided me with her soft and deeply relaxing voice into the depths of Amazonian rainforest to meet my Shaman spirit guide and receive healing. The visuals were so strong and in a few seconds I didn't feel my body in the bed. The fan above me in my bedroom transformed into a lovely breeze and I found myself underneath the tall massive tree tops with sun rays shining through the leaves on me. I walked on the path through the forest and felt the soil under my baer feet. Between the trees I saw a simple cottage build from bamboo with a roof made of palm branches, situated on the little hill close to a river with crystal clear waters. The surface was reflecting the sun shine and looked like a glitter from a fairy tale. Everything was quiet and peaceful.
🦋 As I was walking towards the Shaman in this deep Amazon jungle I saw an old gray-haired man waiting for me in front of the cottage. He looked at me with a smile. His eyes were welcoming me and in silence I followed him into the cottage. Suddenly a little indigenous girl appeared and when I seated myself on the red cushion she sat herself across the room quietly watching me with her beautiful big brown eyes full of sparks. The Shaman started to clean the room with smudging herbs and white smoke filled the space above our heads. I closed my eyes and immersed myself in deep relaxation. With his finger he painted my eyelids black so I couldn’t use them, and my third eye red so it opened fully for me to see clearly. With my closed eyes I looked at the girl in front of me and suddenly saw myself as a five year old girl in a dark blue dress with pink flowers on it. In that same moment I remembered exactly what happened that day I was wearing this dress all these years ago. The little girl asked permission of the Shaman to come and sit next to me. We held our hands for a moment and then she laid herself in my lab to be held. Tears started to flow over my cheeks and fall on her as I felt her pain and suffering. I held her and all I could think was: oh you poor little girl, I am so sorry for what you’ve been through.
As the Shaman started to heal me with his voice and, smoke and feathers my mother entered the cottage and sat in front of me, at the spot where the little girl was sitting before. After her my grandmother and my aunt entered and sat next to her. My eyes met the eyes of my mother and I started to cry again. I finally told her how much she had been hurting me. How much they all been hurting me. Without blaming them I explained how their behavior affected my life, how I was unable to do what I came for to this world because I was so insecure, I hated my self, my body, and the sound of my voice. That moment I looked at my grandma, who used to be a great opera singer and I remembered how I stood in the deepest chamber of the Giza pyramid a few years ago and how my throat opened and the sound of my voice filled the chamber in a wordless song. It was like if the Soul of my grandma, who died a few months before, entered me and wanted to express herself one last time. Everyone who was there with me stood still as I was singing and I felt how the vibrations of my voice were penetrating the ancient stones to stay forever and allow everyone who enters after me to take these vibrations to all the places in the world.
I realized now that my voice is beautiful.
I looked at my mum and I passed her the little girl so she could hold her.
My mother started to cry and from her lips came the words of regret. She was sorry how she treated her little child. I saw that she went through the same kind of pain as a child with her mother.
Then my father entered and stood in the back of the cottage and finally my partner came in.
In tears I told my family that because of how they treated me I attracted this man who is hurting me just like they did. Like if it was magic, in that same moment I forgave them all. I felt how I was letting go of this dark and heavy energy as they were leaving the cottage.
🦋 My partner sat closely in front of me and took my hand into his. Through my tears I was looking into his eyes as he was telling me: “I love you so much, but I am unable to express my love for you.
I got caught up in my pain and treated you badly. I really do love you a lot and I will let you be free.
I will support you and do all I can.” He then put a white ring on my left hand and said: “Let this ring be a symbol of our pure love and light between us.”
Then his head fell to the back and his mouth opened. The Shaman was standing above him and sang his healing songs. Out of my partner’s open mouth dark energy beamed up like a black serpent to the ceiling and grew into a dark cloud above us. The Shaman kept smudging this darkness with his white smoke till everything dissolved.
The wave of sadness flew through my body and even more tears started to flow as I was looking at at my partner and telling him: “I really don't want to be with you anymore. You were projecting your pain onto me but it wasn’t me who hurt you. I never did. People treated you badly and you were punishing me for it. I can’t live like this anymore. I am giving you all of it back now.”
Then my mouth opened and as the Shaman was clearing the space above me while chanting the dark energy shot out of me and fell on the floor in front of my partner. The moment all of it was out of me, I fell on my back and felt a tremendous relief.
My partner took all of this darkness into his arms and the Shaman walked with him out of the cottage. He told him to put it on the other side of the river and wash himself in the crystal water. After that, he must take it piece by piece, wash it in the river and let it flow away.
🦋 I was still lying relaxed on my back when the Shaman returned to me.
He stood above me and through my closed eyes I could sense more light and warmth above my face. The Shaman asked me: “Tell me, what do you want.”
I started to speak about things I wished for my life for such a long time.
I wanted to finally do what I came for to this world. I wanted to step up and become a great teacher, to help people who come to my retreats to heal and love each other more, to take a beautiful energy and wisdom with them and help others to change their lives for the better as well.
I wanted a partner who will support me and my work, who will walk the path with me and surrender to the calling. A man who will always treat me with respect, love me and see the Divine through me.
I wanted for all men to connect to their hearts and treat women with respect. And for all women to connect with their hearts and Yonis so that they can truly receive their men.
I wanted for all children to be fed healthy and have joyful and careless childhood.
I wanted for the nature to recover and come into balance.
I wanted for waters to be pure everywhere so everyone always has clean drinking water.
I wanted the trees to grow higher and stronger to the skies and I wanted the skies to be clear blue again.
🦋 The Shaman said to me: “It is now time for you to step into the light.” As he reached out his hand to me I saw his face changed and I was surprised as I was looking at myself. Once again I had to cry. I saw the hand reached out to me was also mine: “It’s you” I whispered. And my other Self smiled and said: “It was always you.”
As we were walking out of the cottage back into the sun we stopped at the river and the Shaman me gave me her last message : “I will always be here for you. I will be supporting you and clearing everything as you walk your path.” And she pointed at the stones in the river that created a perfect path for me to cross safely. The warm sun was shining at them and it all seemed to be golden.
Now I was ready to cross and walk this golden path. I looked back as I was leaving and saw the little girl, me, standing next to the Shaman me. They held hands and I knew, this little girl will always be safe from now on. And I stepped on the stone path in the river, crossed over and found myself in a beautiful jungle garden full of sun and sweet scent. I was ready to finally live my own life as I choose to. I felt truly liberated.
~ Nika 🦋
