This little window here has asked me for my story, but believe me when I say, no one has that kind of time! But since I have not a clue what I'm supposed to be doing here, and this is literally my first hour with the website, I guess I'll just write something based on my thoughts today, with the hopes that MAYBE it might just help someone else too.
Have you ever sat lost in thought, staring at some random spot on the wall, or pattern on the carpet, locked in a blink-less trance as you reflect on something you wish you could do over? This question is rhetorical, as I've yet to meet a single, honest, soul that would deny having felt this way at one time or another, usually quite a few times, some more than others, some with very few, but none without any. I know my life was filled with these sorts of thoughts, and it damn near killed me. Man, we're capable of such extraordinary self-judgement and criticism! Damn it John! Why'd you do that?! You're such a friggin' idiot. You're a real piece of work you know that?! Who makes a mistake like that?! Huh?! WHO?! That is a rather poor example of the type of negative self-talk that I'm referring to, and no, my name is not really John. Of course this is a rather mild example of something we may experience over the course of our day, but I tend to reflect on the larger issues, the "epic failures" if you like, boy some of those are really bad, aren't they?
Well, if I had a dollar for every time I wished I could turn the clock back, I would have one large stack of cash. I think we all would. But it doesn't have to be that way, you aren't required to beat yourself up, you aren't supposed to scold yourself, yet it seems we're almost taught to do so, as if we're raised to question each and every decision we ever make, but we do it in retrospect most of the time, and therein lays the rub folks. Retrospect, oh how everything seems to simple when we look back on our choices, when we've had ample to review our mistakes and ascertain exactly what it is that we "could have done better", but I ask you, is that fair? Would you put someone else through this? Meaning, would you walk up to someone a day or two after they've made some awful mistake or poor choice, and have you said to them "Damn John, why'd you do that?! You're such a friggin' idiot you know that?! Who makes a mistake like that?! Come on John, I'm asking you, WHO DOES THAT?!?!
Well, unless you're a mean adolescent bully, pushing some smaller kid around, I doubt most of you would treat another human being in this manner. So, why would you treat yourself this way? Whatever's happened, happened. You cannot take it back, you cannot change it, it is now beyond your power to undo. So there is truly NO GOOD that could come from your self-abuse. It's important you understand that I'm not talking to you from some perch, not even remotely, for I'm a prime example of someone who spent YEARS of his life dwelling on the past, ruining the present with every passing minute, and altering my future as well. You see, our brains are powerful things, still mostly a mystery, and capable of extraordinary feats. But before you can begin to tap all that your mind has to offer, you must first be able to forgive yourself for your mistakes, because I got news for you, every living creature in existence makes mistakes, it's not restricted to we humans, it's just as much a part of life as everything else you hold dear, and learning from them is how we grow!
My rambling point is simple really, and I apologize for ranting about it, I'm not trying to preach, I'm just trying to reach someone who may be in that funk right now, someone who might need a little positive reinforcement, because someone did this for me when I was feeling so incredibly low, almost worthless, even suicidal at times, so I know how bad it can get, and now that I know how much better it can get, and how easily, I would be the most selfish person imaginable if I didn't at least TRY to pay it forward.
So here it is. If this is you, if you're walking around in life, faking it until you make it, pretending everything's okay, forcing happy smiles on your face, and attending the same parties as your friends, but inside you're torn apart, you loathe yourself, you've convinced yourself that you're not worth the life you have, or that if only you had done this instead of that, you'd be so much happier right now. Let me be the first to tell you, YOU are exactly where you're meant to be right now! And YOU can be anywhere you want to be, in the future. These restrictions we build inside ourselves, these walls of thoughts that keep us convinced we could never achieve what we could have achieved, if only we'd done it sooner. Well that's not true at all!
We create our own realities, we are the masters of our destiny, and we steer that ship. It just so happens that you've steered your ship in a direction you're not happy with, but all you have to do is turn it around. Change your perspective, change your beliefs, nothing is set in stone, and other people and their achievements are NOT a gauge to judge YOUR achievements. Comparing ourselves to others is one of the most common plights people have today, and it's ridiculously depressing to do such a thing! Because all you're seeing are their accomplishments, not to mention their public persona, you're not the only one who may be pretending everything's fine you know! Sometimes the people we assume to be the happiest, are in fact nothing of the sort, and this is more common than you may think. But it doesn't matter anyway, all that matters is YOU, and you need to take care of you, period.
Life is not a competition, and there's a good saying that I love to recite to myself whenever I feel I'm beginning to dwell on something, and it's very simple "Worrying Just Means You Suffer Twice"! Worrying serves no purpose, especially when it comes to those things we cannot change, like our pasts. If you've got a dentist coming up, and you're sweating bullets about it, all you're doing is extending your suffering much farther than it ever needed to go, as one can understand sweating bullets once in that uncomfortable chair, but to spend a week or two beforehand, fretting day and night about it, all you're accomplishing is making your life extremely uncomfortable! Now that's just another poor example of what I was trying to convey, but you get the idea. Worrying does nothing but extend your suffering, dwelling on the past does nothing but fill you with regret, and comparing yourself to others, does nothing but depress you!
The general theme here, is an overactive brain, and one that's been programmed to focus on the negative instead of the positive, and YOU CAN CHANGE THAT, and you can do it A LOT faster than you may think. My suggestion for beginning to rewire your brain, and change your thought processes, is to work on stopping your negative self-talk, and a good way to do this is to carry a small notepad with you throughout your day, and each time you catch yourself beating yourself up, cursing yourself out, calling yourself an idiot, or a moron, or a worthless piece of (blank), just make a little tally on that notepad, and make another tally each and every time you catch yourself doing this. Also, when you catch yourself doing it, do NOT criticize yourself for it! You see how that cycle begins to spin out of control when you do that? Pretty soon you can go from waking up perfectly happy, to going to bed miserable, and without a clue as to why! But when you catch yourself doing this, and mark that down in your notepad, also tell yourself that it's no big deal, you're working on it, everyone does it, this is just my habit of beating myself down, and it has no real power over me, not anymore.
The more you do this, the more you'll notice your entire perspective begin to change. First, you'll be shocked how much you really do criticize yourself, and then you'll begin to notice that you're making less tallies each day, and you'll also notice that you're really beginning to think more positively in the first place, instead of catching yourself being negative and then switching it, you'll notice you're going right to positivity instead, and that's a very good day.
I know this doesn't sound like much, but even just this small change (seemingly small that is) will have a profound effect on your mood, your energy, your happiness will return. Once you realize we really are our own worst enemy a lot of the time, and you understand that you have the power to silence that voice for good, it's a very empowering feeling, and it works better than you think, I promise you it does.
We're not here for that long folks, we've got no time to waste dwelling on the past, especially when there's so much ahead! Just remember that we're all in this together, and that loneliness you feel, can be washed away in a moment by taking a second to reflect on this incredible joyride we call life, there IS someone out there waiting for you, whether it's a spouse you seek, or just a friend, just someone to talk to, they're out there, just wake up every morning, tell yourself you're in control of your destiny, no one can take that away from me, and nothing's going to stop me from achieving what I want to achieve! I don't care what they say! I don't care how old I am! I don't care how unlikely people say it is! It's never too late to go for your goals, your dreams, and if you never try, how could you ever get there?!
You are worthwhile, you're not worthless, you're not YOUR PAST, you're not YOUR FUTURE, all you have is the here and now, so what are you going to do today to get the ball rolling on whatever it is you're convinced you just can't do?!?! Remember, one day at a time, live in the NOW, do not dwell on the past, it cannot help you to do so, do NOT compare yourself to other people or their achievements, and don't let anyone tell you, you can't do something! It's YOUR life, not theirs, and more often than not, people are desperate for company when they themselves feel lost, misery loves company I believe the saying goes, and whether they realize it or not, they're probably worried you might actually succeed! Besides, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks anyway folks! Not one bit!
I hope this helps inspire someone today, I know that when I was feeling lower than low, it was a conversation like this that ultimately shook me from my slump. One day at a time folks, with a smile, and no worries whatsoever, if at first you don't succeed..... (I'll let YOU finish that saying!)...