You Don't Need To Be Open In Your Writing, You Need To Be Vulnerabl...

Yesterday, I got some constructive feedback on my writing from a guy who's very successful on the platform. Let's call him Bob.

It was the first time that I felt someone was being genuinely honest with me and it really made me think.

Up until that point, all I'd been receiving was words of praise.

"You should quit your day job and become a writer!"

"You have such a talent, Vicki."

"Why don't have more recognition?"

And although well-meaning, those kind of comments aren't really helpful. It's really not what I'm looking for. What I want is to learn how I can improve. I mean, if I was really as good as everyone says I am, I could write a book this year, publish it and instantly become a best selling author.

Right?

Yeah, I didn't think so either.

Like any craft, it takes years of hard work to refine your skills. It takes a lot of mistakes, failure and learning before you could even consider yourself a smidgen "successful".

That's my opinion anyway.

But let's play Devil's advocate for a second. Suppose I was that good. Would that mean than I no longer need to work at my writing?

That it's perfect as it is?

Job done?

I don't think so. I doubt people like J.K. Rowling believe there's no more room for improvement. Heck, I doubt the top athletes in the world, even after winning an Olympic medal believe for one second that that's as good as they can be.

We can always be better.

Back to Bob. He said my writing okay, but he felt I was holding back.

In other words, I was playing it too safe.

Initially, I was quite taken aback (I was used to only positive comments, after all). In fact, I strongly disagreed with him. I mean, I'd written about my struggles with depression! And what's safe about that?

And then it hit me.

I wasn't being vulnerable. I was just being open. There's a difference.

Anyone can be open, writing about a variety of "taboo" or less talked about topics, but that doesn't mean they're being vulnerable.

The dictionary describes vulnerable as:

exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

Bingo!

Bob is right. I have been writing too safe. In fact, I know I've made conscious decisions to not be completely myself in my writing. For example, I swear a lot in real life, but apart from the odd "shit", I hardly swear in my writing. I think I've only used "fuck" once.

But most significantly, I've tried to write in a way that I think will appeal to most people. I've avoided having too strong of an opinion on anything, in order to not offend or lose followers.

I've only scratched the surface in my articles. They're only semi-personal. I haven't gone deep enough.

And, with this kind of mindset, I've really struggled to get even one article out a week. I mean, I'm writing every day , but after my initial brain fart, I edit the crap out of my work. Basically, I remove all the best parts, the "real" parts, the parts that leave me exposed to criticism. So much so, that most of my articles end up being a complete pile of rubbish that I have to abandon.

In fact, most of what I consider to be my most "raw" writing (about love, relationships, family) is still sitting in my drafts folder on my desktop, desperately waiting for resuscitation.

There's no shortage of ideas, either. I literally have so many things I want to write about, but every time I sit down and start typing, I've constantly got my family at the back of my mind, especially my Mum. I'm thinking about B and his friends who might read my writing. Worrying not only about what they might think of me, but also ridiculously stressed out about COMPLETE STRANGERS.

In short, I've castrated myself; weakened my voice, my essence, in order to please others. I've given way too many fucks about what people think of me.

Ugh.

After this realisation, I was determined to make a change. So, I did what any writer looking for inspiration does and headed straight for Medium. I wanted to see what REAL writing looked like.

It didn't take me long to find examples.

In fact, I can now understand why people like Kris Gage, John Gorman and Jessica Wildfire are so popular. They keep it real. In fact, Kris recommends other writers to do the same:

"I want the real person. I want mistakes. I want honestly. I mean, shit man, BRING IT. Give me sensitive and sad, give me fury and critical, give me anxiety and give me insight."

No planning, limited editing, she wants us to just write:

"Like, do the work. Sit down, put pen or pencil to paper or your fingers onto your keyboard, and make words... I just can’t stress enough: there is no secret. 99% of it is: just write."

John also doesn't over think it. He literally writes as he speaks:

"Fun fact: How I write is how I think and talk in real life. The dad-jokes. The non-sequiturs. The surrealism. The gritty details. The pithy aphorisms. You're getting the authentic me…"

I'm a little embarrassed to admit it's taken so long for the ball to drop. I mean, it's not like this information is new to me. I am a millennial after all. "Be authentic" is the most commonly over-given advice out there.

But I guess, even if the answer is right in front of you, you won't always really see it until you understand it. A bit like we hate being given unsolicited advice, we want to figure it out ourselves. That's why I love the constructive feedback that I got. Bob didn't explicitly tell me what I should do. He purposely made his comments vague.

The goal was to make me think. To make me connect the dots.

I don't even think he had a particular lesson for me to learn. He just stoked the fire.

Either way, despite my initial resistance, once I let myself be open to the possibility of a different perspective, I gained something truly valuable.

Whether or not it helps my writing improve, remains to be seen. But, I think it's a good place to start. It's good to try new things. Challenge yourself.

I think it's true to say that the majority of us write for ourselves, not others. We have an itch that needs scratching. A desire to share our thoughts. To express ourselves. To understand ourselves and the world around us.

If that happens to connect with someone else, great. But I doubt it's any writer's main purpose for writing. Especially, here on Steemit. Most of us have others jobs anyway that pay the bills. Our writing is our passion project.

So with that in mind, I'm going to write much more freely from now on.