Hi, my name is Jhesmer, 31 years old from the Province of Laguna, Philippines. Although I grew up in a christian family, but I came to know Jesus Christ personally in November 3, year 2000 thru a film showing. Praise be to God.
In my early christian life, I saw people testifying about God's call to them. How God told them to go from one place to another, and how God promised provision and guidance. But deep in my heart, I did not know what it means to be called by God. And the word "calling" was a like a stranger to me. In my mind, I was like "How does God call?", " Does He speak verbally?", "Do people hear Him audibly?", something like that.
When I was 18, I started idolizing pastors and preachers. I told myself that I wanna be like them. I wanted to inspire people, empower people and touch peoples' lives. But something was hindering me: my WEAKNESSES. I wanted to serve the Lord but I was afraid that I might dissapoint Him with my shortcomings. Why? Because I had a lot of sins, I had ungodly relationships, I had a temper, I was limited, I was insecure. And in my mind, God will never ever use or call a person like me.
But God continued to intervene. In 2005, together with my early christian friends, I was sent by our church to Occidental Mindoro to do a missionary work for 5 days. We did evangelisms to the Mangyan Ethnic Tribe. That was the very first time I experience a mission work. And during those days, God put in my heart the passion for the lost. It was burning. I started to see my self as a missionary and saw every person as a mission field.
In 2010, I graduated in Bible school. There was a passion in my heart to serve the Lord. And I was given an opportunity. I told my self, "I will serve God with all my heart and with all my might!", and " I will do everything to please Him". I was so confident. But after a year, I failed God. I fell in a sexual immorality in the church and later on decided to quit in the ministry. I undergone a disciplinary action from the church. And even though I finished the D.A. program and settled all the requirements for about a year, I told my self that I will never ever go back to the ministry. For I will only cause pain in God's heart. So I worked in secular companies. That was year 2011.
But for many years of earning money, there was loneliness in my heart. I felt like secular world is not my place. There were nights that even in my dreams, I dreamed about going back to ministry. I knew that time that the Lord was telling something to me. The Lord asked me, "Do you love me?" I said to the Lord, "I love You but I was weak, I'm afraid I will only disappoint You again". God spoke to my heart and said "I will use You. Feed my flocks" Then I said, "But I am weak, Lord". He said, " But you love my people right?" I said, "I do, Lord, so much". God brought me to His words, and told me that ... “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 a). So I came back in the ministry in the year 2013, this time with humilty and total dependance in the Lord. And God used me again.
God taught me two things. First He taught me about His grace, if I am strong, I will rely on my self. If I am weak, I will always be in need of Him and His strength. God also turned my focus from fighting against sin to dwelling in His presence. I found out that being sin-concious will never help me overcome sins. But if I become God-focused and dwell in His presence through His word, sins automatically leave. Truly, His grace empowers a person to live a holy life as the Book of Titus chapter 2 says.
Second, He taught me that when He calls, It doesn't have to be verbally and heard audibly. He spoke to the heart. How? He puts the burden for the losts and the passion for the ministry to one's heart. When you feel God's heart, then God is calling you. And His calling is not about my strength or my weakness, it all about His heart, and about His power.
I thank the Lord for my experiences. I met my wife, Mary Ann. Her love reminds me of how God never stops loving me. I met lots of spiritually matured friends, they are inspirations to me. I met Rev.Jun Ventenilla, one of my mentors. His life impacted me deeply. I met Rev. Lee and his family, all the OMOC Staffs, and all my co-missionaries here in Paul Mission. Most of all, I thank God. For He has saved me and called me in His ministry. It is a privilege for a person like me. I am weak but Christ is strong. Therefore I have stregth in Christ. It is not about me, it is all about Jesus. Lord, may You found me humble and submissive to the work of the Holy Spirit. In Christ's name. Amen.