I had visions of him coming to save me from my house and take me away to his where LOVE would reign supreme and everything would be perfect...
I even went with him on illegal trysts in unsavoury inns, back home in Nigeria...
Well, that happened once...
And as much as he tried to seal the deal with me...
IT SIMPLY WAS NOT HAPPENING!
Deep inside, I knew this was not for me.
I knew I had more value than this...
I knew there was something off...
And so, thankfully, I escaped that day...
Some busybody person had seen me going in there, reported it to my parents but they all thought it was my sister and I was too scared to tell the truth and so my sister took the verbal punishment like a trooper... (Yep, ashamed about that bit and thankfully, we laugh about it now so all is forgiven)
He went off to America and he tried to stay in touch...
He even had his cousin keep an eye on me to keep any other boys away from me...
And it was all so romantic...
Kinda.
Deep within, I knew.
And thankfully, I have mostly been that person that acts on my intuitive nudges...
I did not always know that that was what I was doing...
But there was a deep inner truth within me that I chose to trust...
And it has tended to keep me away from most crazy happenings and relationships that leave peeps broken and hurt.
I think everyone has this inner knowing...
Unless your parents really did a bad job and you never learnt to trust yourself.
Very possible, unfortunately.
Most days, I see and hear from people who are desperately trying to unsee the truth they feel deep inside...
The truth that they are unhappy and NOT doing anything about it...
The truth that that person they are trusting with their heart and body is ABSOLUTELY NOT RIGHT FOR THEM but they desperately want love and scared they will never find it elsewhere so they try not to see the truth...
The truth that their illnesses are related to their denial of who they are, how powerful they could be and that they are using every excuse under the sun, INCLUDING the illnesses, to just stay stuck...
The truth that they are born for more and yet, they are being walked over at work and at home as though they are born for nothing...
The truth that they have built a 'successful' life against the wrong wall but are now too scared to do anything new...
The truth that their religious institution & beliefs are not helping them but in fact, these things are stifling and reducing them...
The truth that the people they are hanging out with are destroying any chance of progress they may have but they are scared of being alone.
The truth that their family is manipulating them...
So many truths, spotted for one instant and then hidden away in the recesses of the mind as people try to pretend that you can unsee the truth.
You cannot.
For most people who do this, they are currently being bitten on the butt as they stay stuck in a life they do not adore...
For some, the crash is coming.
Not particularly inspiring, I know...
But we are too powerful to pretend that the truth is not the truth.
It is scary to face some of this stuff...
But we always KNEW it
For me, freedom and the ability to breathe again has always come when I let go of untruths.
No matter how scary they are.
We all want to live behind a veil and pretend that everything is okay when in reality, our inner knowing KNOWS that something is wrong.
How much faster could we all progress if we just accepted the truth of who we are, what we are going through and acted on it, instead of holding on to lies for reasons of false loyalty, fear of punishment, fear of hell, sunk cost or whatever the reason is?
We are powerful creators but sometimes, we are creating our own demise and choosing not to see it!
WE CAN BE CRAZY!
Thankfully, I saw the truth of that 'bad' boy before I ended up changing the course of my life for a few moments of fleeting pleasure...
Thankfully, I trusted myself in that situation...
But there have been a few occasions where I did not trust myself and found myself stuck or found my creativity so diminished as I expended all my energy trying to maintain the lie.
Thankfully, in the end, I tend to self-sabotage and walk away from situations that seem 'great' but are killing my soul...
My sense of self-preservation always wins out.
And everytime, I wonder what took me so long
But you are not ready until you choose to be ready...
I hope this wakes someone up
I hope this wakes me up in any area where I am trying to unsee the truth.
I refuse to go to the grave with my music still in me.
I choose to live life deliberately, regardless of the cost.
Maybe you feel that way too.
Freedom, though free, comes with a cost.
The cost is being honest with oneself and choosing to do whatever it takes to extricate yoruself from anything that is not freedom.
that can cause all manner of issues with relationships, work, money
But it will also mean you can breathe again
Remember who you are.
And before I go, have you watched the video at the top of my page?
Facebook.com/RosemaryNonnyKnight/videos/973633609478849/
Go now, and listen in.
4 Simple steps to FREEDOM, FULFILMENT, ABUNDANCE, FUN are found in there.
Listen in.
Much Amazing Love