I woke up today, and as usual I ran through a list of things in my head that I needed to do. My list started with getting out of bed and after that, the list abruptly ended. I realized that today I had no plans; I had nowhere to be and nothing to do. It would have given any normal, well-adjusted human being a sense of relief knowing they would have a whole day free to do as they wished, but not me. I couldn’t believe I would be faced with another day of being alone with my own thoughts.
Against my bodies own resignation to stay horizontal all day long, I got out of bed and put on a t-shirt. I didn’t go as far as changing my pajama bottoms as that would have been too much effort. Unclear of my own intentions, I followed my brain which was pulling me outside of the house. I stood on the front porch with my hands on my hips while I tried to focus on what I would do next. As I breathed in I could feel the cool morning air filling up my lungs and it felt so relaxing.
As I looked around the yard taking stock of the plants I had taken so much care of, my mind began to wander. I started to think about my baby which just two weeks before had been growing inside of me. How, it seemed like an eternity ago that I was told the little heart had stopped beating. I imagined what it would have been like to hold it in my arms. I thought about how sad it was that my baby would never see my beautiful garden. The clothes I bought it, the hopes I had they all came rushing back. Which inevitably lead me to ask myself why it had happened, as I had done every waking hour since. I knew there was no answer to this question that would make me feel any better.
Exhausted by idea that I would be thinking on this subject the whole day, I wandered over to my garden to see my tiny plants growing. It wouldn’t be long before they would outgrow their temporary homes and be planted among the others. I kept repeating to myself that I needed to focus on something else today.
As I looked down at my seedlings growing so healthy and strong, I saw something which took me by complete surprise. There, between the planting trays, was growing this big, beautiful clover. It wasn’t just any old clover; it was a perfectly formed 4 leaf clover. I couldn’t believe I had actually found it. I felt like I had just won the lottery. I looked around searching for someone to confirm to me that I wasn’t imagining it. I started to search for one as a child and had never had the luck, in all of these years, to actually find one. Ever since they started growing in the yard, I would look, just hoping to one day find a real 4 leaf clover.
I was so excited and as I reached down to pluck it out of the ground; I realized what a special morning this turned out to be. God was showing me that after so many years of searching for a 4 leaf clover, he had prepared a perfect one for me to find on this day. He led me to my garden and knew I would be smart enough to understand his poetic way of answering my questions. He understood what logic my brain needed to get past this situation.
I needed this gift from God, to appreciate the complexity of creation. It reminded me that even nature will bend to Gods will. My little baby is coming someday, but nature is giving way to time which is what God uses to perfect his creations. Once his work is done, I will be able to hold in my arms one of his most perfect creations. Until then, I will hold dear the gifts he has given me and immortalize them by giving them to you.