Hello Steemians:) I am queenahr from Bukidnon, Philippines. This my first post here in Steemit. I will be sharing with you my life story and suicidal thoughts about my situation. Further, I will reveal my secret how I was able to conquer the demons inside me. I hope you'll reap something from my story:)
I can still remember how happy we were as a family 16 years ago as I take a look into this old family picture which I found in father's old wallet.
The picture is blur maybe because of the years it spent inside the wallet. My tears are inevitably flowing down my eyes as I reminisce the good times we shared when I was just a kid together with my two brothers. Growing up as an orphan is really hard and life is tough.
Growing up thirsty for parental love, I’m tired of it. No one cares too much for me unlike teens my age. One thing that came across to my mind is to end my life. Such a gloomy decision! But hey, I realized that there is HOPE. I focused on my study until I finished elementary and pursue my secondary education. They are my closest friends way back when I was just a Grade 7 student.
Then, I came to a thought that when life is getting you down, and all you need is a little hope, just look deep down inside yourself, and you'll find the way to cope. Having hope propels me to achieve my dreams and drives me forward toward my pursuits. It also keeps me afloat when everything seems to go wrong when I feel that I am drowning.
The picture above was during my Junior High School Completion Day. Because of the hope that I believe and the determination that I enliven, I received awards and completed with flying colors as salutatorian. I was too blissful that very moment of my life and at the same time told myself: "If only my parents are here!" and fake a smile to the crowd. But still, I did very well. And after two additional years, here I am wearing my white toga together with my grandmother.
And with my second mother in school, who treated me like her real daughter. She is Mrs. Nelma Sinadjan who fill the emptiness I felt about parental love. She made me smile everytime I frown and made me inspire of her life story.
I call her Ma'am Nene. She contributed many things in my Senior High School journey as STEM student. My grandmother and Ma'am Nene are just some of the people who showed me that there is hope and that I need to fight the odds that will mold me to become a better version of myself. Those people around me and my optimistic mindset gave me enlightenment what hope really is. Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel, the northern star by which we navigate our lives through trials and difficulties towards our dreams of a better day. Having and finding hope, then, is essential for keeping our dreams upright and continuing to sail in the direction of their attainment. Because of their help, I finished as Honor Student.
Well, it’s never too late. You know, I realized that life is beautiful. I remember too what Philippians 4:13 in the scripture have said that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". At present, I am studying college in one of the most prominent university in Mindanao as Academic Scholar. I pursue Bachelor in Secondary Education Major in English. I know that I will be facing more challenges along the way but I know I can overcome all of them.
I was once a pity orphan who thought to end my life but I have learned from all those pessimism that life is indeed wonderful if only we know how to live it. I realized that no matter how tragic or miserable our life is, there is something that awaits us if we will not quit the fight. I also learned that definitely, everything happens for a reason. I hope you learned a moral lesson from my real life story that will guide you in your daily endeavors.
All the best,
queenahr
Photo source: All Photos are mine