I grew up without a mother...well I had one she just didn't seem to want the job and pawned us off on whomever she could. My father went to prison when I was 2 1/2 years old. I still remember standing in the backseat looking out the window and seeing the police putting him in the back of their car, hands cuffed and a sad defeated look on his face.
As a result, I was an easy target for sexual predators, no less than 15 in fact. The first one started when I was only 3 yrs old. It was my first stepfather, step father number two on the list too. The things he did to me are unspeakable and were repeated. It was the beginning of my mother using denial as her coping skill of choice, well that and alcohol and prescription drugs. Numbing her conscience so that she could stay with the felony she married while ignoring the blood on my panties.
Here's the thing, PTSD isn't just a military issue! There are studies proving that those who suffered sexual abuse is equivalent to that of a Vietnam war vet. Unlike the war vets, we, the sexual abuse survivors, are often told to "Get over it already", "Quit living in the past" "it wasn't that bad" etc. People are uncomfortable with thinking about it let alone talking about it, or dealing with it!
This is where I step in and step up and speak out! That is my mission! To educate on what abuse is, on the damage it does, and also on the hope for healing we so desperately need and want.
I cannot say at this time if complete healing from sexual PTSD is possible. I am still working on it myself. I have come a long way, but still have a long way to go. I invite you to follow my journey and see if anything I share speaks to you and offers you hope. Or at the very least helps you to feel you are not alone and someone cares. My hope is that you will find inspiration to do your own healing work.
I will be sharing with you things that have helped me and things that did not. And even some things that for me did more harm than good.
One thing I feel strongly about is that even though I can believe someone is doing the best they can it doesn't mean their best qualifies them to have access to me and/or my life. I am raising the bar high and refusing to lower it for those unwilling to try to reach it.
Because I am a passionate woman, who refuses to be silenced anymore, I may share my thoughts and feelings on other topics from time to time.
Thanks for letting me share...
Silencednomore.