Today started as any other day. I woke to my roommate choke coughing sounds, at least this time he closed the bathroom door. I lay there thinking one more month of Mr. cough choke. While I know it is kinda bitchy to hate that sound, I am astrobitch, so shut da fuck up.
Astrobitch, my alter ego, I get to be and say all the truly fucked up things that I cannot say anywhere else. And maybe, just fuckin maybe I will become the brazen bitch that I am here, every where. That is the dream!
I will no longer have to justify my existence, I will just fuckin be. I can say it is a hard fucking thing to stop taking shit and actin dumb. The familiar is the enemy, and yet it is familiar and comfortable.
I usually escape reality by daydreaming and living in my head, however I am now trying to be where I am when I am there. It is way harder than it sounds. Especially if I am not drinking alcohol. For some strange reason I decided it was not satisfying to live like I might die tomorrow. While I still might die tomorrow, I might live and wouldn't it be cool to do something different.
I am finding that the people I was born into knowing are the most difficult to accept change. It sucks because while I use to think my family was supportive of me, I have found they do not support change. I guess they are also comfortable with the familiar. It is super sad that I have to temporarily let go of one of my favorite sisters in order to move to my next level of development. In fact I have spent the last three days crying and being kind to myself as I accept our paths are separating.
I am an artist. Painting is where I find support. Where I find peace. I lose myself and find myself over and over when I paint. I am not that much of a talker, I find most people rather boring. Unless of course, I am drinking and they are cute. My moon is in Aries and I get bored easily unless I am moving or playing poker. I am going to try intimacy, I am kinda bored with being a whore. Yeah it is politically incorrect, not woke. Woke smoke! It was really fun being a whore especially in my late forties when my hormones were smokin.
So what's the point of this post, oh yeah, nothing. I do not have to do anything to please any fuckin asshole out there. This post is for me to be exactly who I am. Astrobitch!