So I was all packed and ready to head out of Chicago and venture to Missouri. My car was packed and this was the very furthest I had ever driven by myself. I talked to myself a lot on that drive and reflected on the chapter in my life I was closing. I cried and laughed and was read, I thought, to start new in Springfield, MO.
It was a little awkward moving back in with my family again after they had their routines set. After a few weeks I found a part time job but was so home sick for my friends. I would stay up all hours of the night with anxiety and depression that I didn't know what to do with. My parents were certain I was on drugs because I was not sleeping. I wanted to shoot my camera but didn't know where to go. I found my local camera store and met an awesomely cool salesman @WinstonWolfe.
@WinstonWolfe helped me understand the "new" digital format and why so many people, who could afford it, were excited about the format. This opened a door for me to get more film gear at a lower price, if I found the right used gear. Plus, it was nice to have someone to talk about photography with.
One Sunday evening I headed down to the Springfield square and met up with a co worker. There was a group of people playing a "role playing game" and everyone was in character and wouldn't speak to me because I was not playing the game. It was that night I met 
Even after making a few buddies, nothing was like my friendships in Chicago. I was in Springfield, but still talking constantly to the Chicago ex everyday and decided I was not ready to let go of that relationship. I was so depressed and felt so alone I really could not find my happiness. After about a year and a half, I moved back to Chicago hoping to reconnect with my life.
It's crazy how much can change in less than 2 years after you graduate high school. When I moved back, things were the same but so different. My Ex didn't really think I was going to move back, he started dating someone else and I was left heartbroken but I at least had my friends around me and that did make me happy. I will admit my heart was so torn between making myself happy and being with my family but I knew that they didn't want to see me so depressed all the time. I was living with my older cousin and we were getting along fine.
I am going to fast forward a few years. After 2 yrs in Chicago my roommate got married and none of my friends were ready to move out so I was homeward bound to MO again, regretfully. This time I was really spending as much time with my family as I could. I played cards and board games on Fridays with my parents. I was the only 21 year old staying in to play games with their mom and dad! My parents noticed and made fun of their "spinster" daughter.
I met a boy, fell in love, got engaged and cheated on all in a 12 month period. That was from 2000 - 2001 and my year was only going to get worse. When I moved back, in with my parents at 21, I thought if I was close I could do something in a crisis if needed. My grandparents were in MO and I was very close with them. In 2002 when my grandfather suddenly became ill and passed, I realized my presence made no difference. When it was his time to go, he went, and so did I.
END PART II