Introduction To SteemIt

Hi there! I'm darthleira and I am obviously new to SteemIt. I have a friend (username: Hive account@rumdancer) who uses SteemIt quite often and has suggested that I use it as well. I used to consider myself a pretty good writer, but as of nowadays, I'm rather lacking in the "big vocab" area that I use to thrive in. I was in all advanced classes in elementary and middle school and AP courses in high school. I graduated from an alternative school (had to go to an alternative school because I was failing due to being hospitalized in institutions at least twice a year since I was a 8) when I was 17 and four days later, I went to college. I dropped out that semester due to my very first manic episodes starting. I've been on disability since I was 4yrs or 5yrs old due to major physical health and especially mental health issues. This year alone, I've been hospitalized three separate times due to what psychologists call "psychosis." The second time this year that I was shipped off to the loony-bin was because I was calling out doctors and nurses on the mistreatment of mentally-ill patients. We are often treated like third-class citizens who are either attention or pill seeking. We are often not taken seriously because either hospital staff don't believe that our issues are legitimately there OR they are so over-worked and under-paid that they don't have the energy to take our individualized cases seriously on a personal level. We are just another number to most staff members. Subhuman. Subordinate. We are a large group of people who are taken advantage of and often told that we are lost causes, should just finish the job and kill ourselves, or the pitying game of "shoulda, woulda, coulda." I will get into my opinion of the system later on, my apologies that I have gone off track from the topic at hand...

As I mentioned before, I am on disability. As you can imagine, I have a lot of free time. I often hang out with Hive account@rumdancer (who is my non-practicing, practicing High Priestess) and our friends. I play with my four animals every day (In order of pictures: Saddie-Bug, LemonGrab, Nausicaa, Gwendolyn) and often converse with them about deep things that I don't like talking to other people about haha...

As far as my daily routine is concerned, I meditate, read, journal, draw, hang out with a small group of close friends, chores, listen to and occasionally play music, and again, play with my fur-babies. My animals are my entire world and I don't know what I would do without them... I consider myself a fairly creative soul and love making art of any kind. Some projects I am currently working on are making synthetic dreadlocks, learning magick, teaching myself about how and what crystals are used for, teaching myself tarot, crocheting random items such as hats, bags, flowers, scarfs, etc. The biggest project I'm working on, however, is yours truly. My fiance got arrested this year and ever since then, my life has gone down the spiritual (and physical, mental, and emotional for that matter...) toilet. I haven't been able to find my balance and it seems that peace is so close, yet has been unattainable. I have had multiple epiphanies every day since he got arrested about our relationship, myself within it, him within it, the world around us, and the universe around that. I am so eager to learn anything and everything, and yet, putting the effort in doesn't seem worth it to me. Part of me wonders if I'm afraid to put in 110% because that will either be expected every time and I don't want to "meet up" to everyone's expectations OR if I'm not actually as smart and capable as I've always thought and it's taken 22 years to realize that. Either way, who cares about EVERYONE'S expectations? You can't be yourself AND make everyone happy. People getting uncomfortable at you just existing is a thing and it's okay. If I'm not as capable as I thought I was, then start being more capable. Everyday put in just a little bit more effort than the day before and you will start to feel a difference in your daily routine, especially the "unpleasant" parts (I put it in quotes because it's really all perspective about how you choose to view whatever you're doing. Mind over matter, if you tell yourself you're enjoying it, parts of you will start enjoying it). Spirituality and humanities ways of self-destructing has always fascinated me. Everyone seems to be aware of it and understands it at least on a very simple, simple level. But does anyone do anything about it? Or acknowledge it? No. We have been conditioned and brain-washed since birth that known truths aren't true anymore due to people turning blind-eyes on almost everything. There's going to be a revolution happening and it's happening right now, as you sit and read my unorganized introduction post. Everyday, more and more people are waking up and saying, "No, I've had enough." Why don't you be a part of it, as well? Help us help you help us helping you to help them. I know you have seen, if not at least read about the inconsistencies of humanity as a whole and understandings of what I once thought to be basic things. When you absolutely know something to be truth, sometimes a slight change of an angle while looking in the mirror can set that truth into a convenient fabrication of something that was once sacred. Now it's tainted, but no one wants to fix the chipped paint on the ol' cruiser. If you haven't noticed, I jump from topic to topic about what I think is relevant in the moment to say. Talking about the universe, the world, and myself within it all will be my topics of choice (notice how broad that is? I can pretty much talk about anything now haha). I think I have a unique way of looking at this existence and time that we are all participating in. I'm extremely self-aware to the point that people don't believe me when I say I need help because 99.9% of the time, I have a solution, even if it's a clever-lame one (yes, I know those are antonyms). I believe my different ways of looking at scenarios and capability of adapting to practically any situation that's thrown at me will be very beneficial in this community because I can look at all parties without bias. I can look at something and know that it is both correct and incorrect at the same time, depending on the perspective.

I am capable of putting myself in practically anyone's shoes just to know what it's like to be them in that moment. I am extremely blunt and straight forward and I think that those are excellent qualities in helping people who have questions about their lives and how they're living it. I can't seem to fix myself, but I sure give great advice. Funny how that works. I want to help any person that TRULY wants to be helped in bettering themselves, no matter how small or large the task may seem. I want to show people that there is another way to live than the way we have all been surviving: I new mode of existence. I 100% believe that I can make a difference not only in this lovely community that I am now a part of, but on a much bigger, global level. I KNOW I have the potential and wit to make something of myself. Here's my first step. Thank you for being a part of it.