Aloha! I guess it's customary to do an introduce yourself post, so here I am. I grew up in the concrete jungle of Honolulu, and lived there for many years as an adult. It's funny to be so fair skinned and red headed in Hawaii--I definitely stuck out like a sore thumb. I cherish that I grew up in such a melting pot, and I often was in situations where I was one of the few haoles (local term for Caucasian)... it was humbling and taught me many lessons.
Like many of my generation, I had a college degree, loads of debt, and no prospects. I was living with my parents, making coffee and smoothies at Whole Foods, and was in a safe but boring long term relationship. No prospects, and totally disempowered. I was clearly unhappy, and riddled with anxiety.
Shortly before my 30th birthday, my relationship fell apart. Despite knowing deep down that we were not good together, I was devestated. I began seeing a therapist, who helped me to know my worth and power. I started seeking other jobs, though I didn't have much luck initially. She encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone.
One of my best friends had been trying g to get me to Burning Man for years, and I knew this was the year to do it! I felt totally lost, I was scared shitless, but fire dancing was the path tht lead me towards this remarkable gathering.
Prior to heading out, I was journaling and wrote down all the qualities of a man that I was seeking for my next go-around. I wrote "I want a man who will be a mirror to show me the things that my ego blinds me from seeing..." I had no idea what I was getting myself into by asking for this. My previous relationship felt like it was a waste, we were together for too long, clinging to each other for safety despite the fact that we weren't learning or growing. I felt like I wasted a bunch of years being scared and running from change. In asking for a mirror, I figured I'd open myself up to positive change and transformation so that my relationship was more than just comfort... it would foster growth!
So burning man 2015's theme was Carnival of Mirrors... I didn't even make the connection. I had been celibate for six months and figured where better place to have sex than at burning man?!?
I didn't think I'd find someone who is physically my mirror as well. Tall, skinny, long red hair. He was smiling at me and I was like "nahhhhhhhh....". And then he said "my name is kukui" and I said "like the nut?!?" (Kukui is a sacred nut in Hawaii). I never expected him to be from Hawaii. We danced together, chatted a bit, and it was clear we would be spending the rest of the night together. And another night. And then we spent time together in Lake Tahoe after. He was heading to Kauai in a month, so we parted ways, and I wondered if I'd see him again.
Through this journey together, I have relocated to Kauai, where I feel supported with transformational energy. My life has changed so much. I know work hands on with plants, and am an organic farmer. My diet has changed and I am vibrant and healthy! This island provides and challenges exactly when I need it. I have learned to live simply, with little luxuries here and there, but overall, I barely recognize my life these days from three years ago!
Don't let fear get in your way. Leap and the net will appear! Intuition won't let you down! Honor the earth and she will honor you back--reciprocity is soooo important. Live pono. Malama aina. Aloha ke akua. Mahalo nui.
