Hi Steemit users,
I am a chronic doer. I have spent the last 10 years of my life busily trying to do things, working so hard at things that I have seriously damaged my health. It may be because I spent some of my earlier years being an escapist and nihilist. I had lost time and desperately wanted to make up for it and so I made myself busy, after finishing a degree in media and cultural studies I got out there in the city, busied myself going out lots, making radio shows about art, music and culture, being involved with music myself as a singer and generally doing LOADS.
I am a creative person and always found it difficult to exist within the framework provided by society. Getting up at silly o clock to go and work in a job I didn't care about. Sitting at a desk which caused me chronic neck and back pain. Or standing on my feet doing jobs that I didn't realise were wrecking my body. In between I would find solace in music, either singing in bands, recording, or radio presenting and production, really trying to find a way to make my passion pay for itself. My attempts at starting a serious singing career generally were thwarted by my health and wellbeing. Gigging, late nights, and insecure wages were never really enough to keep creeping depression at bay and the feeling that I was worthless because I wasn't making money doing what I loved. As a performer your self image becomes so tied up with your work, it literally can feel like standing naked in a room full of strangers. At times, performing can be a very lonely path.
Frustrated at my lack of any meaningful success in music, I went back to college to learn more skills and studied radio production, business, then music production. It was in the middle of my music production course that crisis came – I was having to support myself through college and was doing 5 jobs, all of them physical, and walking sometimes more than 10 hours per week on concrete, plus doing daily yoga. One day my knee just would not hold me up any more. That was 2.5 years ago, and I have been unable to work a “normal” job since. My knee has slowly got better and I have since realised that it was compensating for my back – I have recently been diagnosed with osteoarthritis and scoliosis. I have been in considerable pain for a long time – so I am having to find ways that I can work for myself, from home, or preferably on a beach somewhere, but the biggest priority is maintaining the health I still have and improving upon my current situation in which I am often feeling too unwell to do most regular activities because of pain.
I am now learning to undo this state of affairs. Luckily, although I felt I had wasted time being a nihilist, I had actually done lots of reading, with the ultimate aim to master the art of happiness. I read hundreds of self help books and spent a lot of time writing diaries which are a useful tool for self analysis. Through these behaviours I have become quite self aware, and see myself as a work in progress, constantly re-evaluating my habits and behaviours. This phase stood me in good stead for uncertain times ahead. The further I go on, the more I realise that all the small things I have done have lead me up to this point, and I have decided to follow the path of mastery, if I can master my own body and become well again then I feel I will have lived up to my potential.
My heroic stance - it helps me to feel powerful!
I am embarking on the mythical heroic journey. On my way to self mastery I am encountering many challenges and obstacles. I am on my way through the other side, having just experienced a healing crisis: so many things all at once, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown I decided enough was enough, it was time to stop efforting. I have picked up the I Ching again and am using it as a guide. I am studying and reading every day, and currently mastering the law of attraction, by listening to as much Esther Hicks as I can manage. I am writing daily, and because my health has become my primary focus in life, I realise I need to find ways of making money that support my health. I have been keeping a daily health diary – so why not share this with people, the things I am doing to support my healing are many and varied, and I have a lot of information to share. I am in the process of completely changing my life – on every level, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual – and there will be a lot of awesome topics to cover, from subjects such as psychology, wellbeing therapies, sports and physical disciplines, diet, nutrition, personal development, coaching and sometimes recreational subjects like music and art. The things I am learning are very interesting, and I am excited to share them.
I am at the very beginning of this journey, as I was only fully diagnosed in November, and have only just had this healing crisis. I feel this new year is a great opportunity to turn things around for myself, and had thought about doing a blog already so have discovered Steemit at exactly the right time.
So follow me, keep up to date with my progress and let's share this amazing new world full of inspiration, healing, and fun, would love to hear from others going through similar things and share advice and encouragement!