Please bare with me to the end of possible.....
To head to VA from TX or not...?
This size residents I'm accustomed to working with...
This time last year.....
The 3rd storm to hit VA this season....
The costs of not being narcissistic and becoming ever empathic....SMH
It looks like Richmond VA will get hit yet again this storm season. Their first storm was the 1st time in
25-30 years that they've been hit with hail. I'm a former insurance adjuster, I've done construction, I've been a street canvasser, I've set phone leads and I have a proven track record of being a "Closer".... I'm phenomenal at what I do. If for some reason this storm season I can't find or choose not to find the motivation to get out and work as hard as I know I can. Don't give me wrong the clients that I've taken on the season I've gone above and beyond the call of duty. I haven't flaked or put aside my standard of service by any means. I just haven't applied myself into working with as many clients as I know I could. Last year I was homeless twice and clawed my way back from that abyss. Towards the end of the year my now former boss found a way to ensure my loss of everything yet again. He was able to steal my car (BMW 330 Ci) legalily and never "capped out" my commissions. Basically I was paid 1/10th of what was owed. I inturn lost my place, everything I owned except by backpack,some cloths and found my now X doing drugs with my then room mate. All of this came to a head on my 30th birthday weekend of all times. I spent the whole month of September sleeping at a friends due to deprrsssion.
That's the shortened version of what I feel I'm allowing myself to hold me back.... I worked everyday year except for 2 days. Most of the time 14-16 hours each day..... what gets me the most is the fact that I've been through 4 1/2 years of Combat over seas which put the ones I cared most for as well as my self into some rather FUCKED situations. All of this has led me to an
'-ism' of mine...."I can prepare you for war yet I can never get you ready for love"......
Matters of the heart are something I have a difficult time with, yet the passion for living and fighting to stay that way seemed to come to me way easier...... I've been contemplating the reason(s) why; at least in my eyes.
Is it because I didn't have the time to think when I was over seas? Due to the fact of the suddenness of war, the months of training or the pre-exceptance of my higher than average chances of sudden loss(es)???
The power of the heart is definitely a tighter woven and intricately laid labryth of force/ emotion. I hope this makes sense to someone/ anyone out there Veteran or not.... whether or not it was this war or some other personal one. I bet I should've started of with "Dear diary....." 😂🤣😆😁😄😃😀😕🙁☹️😣😣😫😩😤😶😳🤐🤐🤔🤔🤔🤔🙄🤤😴 emojis always help explain the progression of emotion sighs
I can barely keep my eyes open. I think I'm gunna get some sleep for the first time in a few days. PTSD, anxiety and Insomnia suck FYI.