Greetings lovely Steemit folk!
My life is defined by death and writing. But, we'll get to that in a bit.
So far, I’m absolutely in love with the concept of Steemit. It's the first thing I've come across that helps to free the written word from the tyranny of financial pressure. A system that rewards creators and lets people push boundaries without fear of censorship (why has it taken this long!)
It’s truly fucking powerful and I'm really happy to be here. I've already stumbled across a few writers on here who blow my mind, and I hope I can write some things that bring the same level of value to this community.
My name is Kevin Wood, and I write poems, essays, and stories to help us become a little more human. A little more loving. A dash more compassionate.
This is me when I look like a little snow fairy, and pretend to be very serious.
I Could Fit in a Thimble
You’d think being born inside a literal box would have its effects on the consciousness of a little Kevin. Maybe in some ways it did. I was born two months early and spent the first two months of my life inside an incubator, cookin’ up until I was ready for the prime time. I was ready for the world, but the world wasn’t ready for me…yet.
On my fifth rotation around the sun life showed me it does indeed have two sides.
Little Kev, probably not on Halloween.
I was sitting in my parent's car, outside the same preschool where my innocence once lived. “Kevin, I don’t know how to say this, but your Grandpa is dead.” Paraphrasing, but the impact is still the same. As my pure little ears heard the sadness I reacted the only way I knew how. I cried.
These were the first tears I remember. Which is important, because at some point growing up I forgot how to cry.
Starting to Come Online
Fast forward to third grade. I’m sure plenty of impactful things happened from the age of five to eight, but I don’t remember them. It’s a little fuzzy.
In third grade we made books. Real hardcover, writing on the pages, colored pencil books. My third grade brain didn’t realize the significance. I like to believe since then my perspective has evolved, but maybe not. Space adventures, plenty of pizza and skateboarding – the stories were a thing of legend. Rumor has it you can still track down these old books in the hidden cupboards of my mom’s house.
As I aged I was combed into a male version of sporty spice.
Sports, rules, and school occupied most of my time. I still wrote, but mostly in darkness. Every night before I dozed off I pulled out my wrinkled notebook from underneath the bed and wrote shitty poems. The foundation was set.
A part of me thought what I was doing was wrong, I didn’t want to be called gay (sorry if that's not PC) for writing poems. I couldn’t admit I wanted to live a life of words. Even though my room was filled with too many books for my young soul to consume, I could never quite acknowledge I wanted to have a place on those same shelves.
Death as a Theme
In a single moment my entire life fell to pieces.
Even the walls were sad.
I held my dad's hand as he took his last breath.
The shock of this moment reverberated throughout my life, inner and outer walls fell. The world didn’t make sense. Luckily for me, when tragedy strikes the grooves for happiness are cut even deeper.
Profound clarity and deep spiritual moments were intertwined with the messiness of trauma, sadness, grief, and profound loss. Hours of meditation. Hours of crying. In a series of divine moments, the fat cut itself from my life.
I knew what mattered, and I sort of knew who I was.
I dropped out of school and did the only thing I knew how to do. I wrote. I wrote to make sense of the world. I wrote to find myself. I wrote to find the pain. I wrote to find the love.
Today I still write, but now I write for more than me. I write for us. I write for those who have lost. I write for those who are yearning for more. I write for those lost in the dark. I write for those living in the light. I write because if I stop my world might collapse again.
I hope that in writing my story you can make a little more sense out of yours.
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Thanks for having me Steemit.
I'll leave you with this bit from Aldous Huxley: “It's a little embarrassing that after 45 years of research & study, the best advice I can give people is to be a little kinder to each other.”