Hi Everyone,
The best way to introduce myself and my reason for being here would be to explain the origin of my user name kimzilla. My real name is Kimberly Doubt, and I also spent a chunk of my life as Kim Kline as a result of a past marriage, but I wanted to use something a little more fun and playful, something that contains a history, a meaning and a way forward.
Kim-Zilla is obviously a reference to Godzilla, but I have replaced the word 'God' with my name, 'Kim', representing myself as who I am as the God of me, as how we all stand as the god or creators of ourselves. We Are Creator, Creation and Created, all in one form.
We all have this creative capacity in our lives; Godzilla created destruction and havoc, which is very often what we do to ourselves in a few or many areas in our lives, in the form of self-sabotage, self-neglect, poor relationship building, bad life choices, or improper work ethic, as examples. Essentially, despite our best intentions, we create lives that are not optimal to varying degrees, instead of doing everything possible to support ourselves to reach our utmost potentials.
Godzilla was created as a consequence of one of man's darkest moments. He is essentially the manifested consequence of a decision made without the best interest of all taken into consideration, a decision based in self-interest. Per author Mark Jacobson, "He is the symbol of a world gone wrong, a work of man that once created cannot be taken back or deleted. He rears up out of the sea as a creature of no particular belief system, apart from even the most elastic version of evolution and taxonomy, a reptilian id that lives inside the deepest recesses of the collective unconscious that cannot be reasoned with, a merciless undertaker who broaches no deals."
Similarly, we are all the manifested consequence, result or outflow of our collective life moments as our decisions, choices and actions (thoughts, words and deeds). How much of this is done unconsciously, as our own unconscious/subconscious acceptances and allowances as ourselves as self-limitation, sub-par or less than ideal versions of ourselves? The manifested consequence of how we have created ourselves in this way, where we cannot take back past actions or delete ourselves in one moment, but we can work through and correct it from here into the future. Till Here No Further, as within, so without.
For me, the Godzilla analogy represents our minds, and so for me, My mind. The mind is the most incredible tool that, when left to its own devices, creates itself as a result of genetics, environment, pre-programmed habits and patterns, and things like society as media and entertainment, as well as our own thoughts, reactions, judgments, feelings and emotions (conscious or subconscious, expressed or suppressed). The Mind that stands as the origin seed of the externalized manifestation of "world gone wrong, a work of man that once created cannot be taken back or deleted." The outside world being the manifested consequence of each one of us collectively living under the authority on the untamed mind, fueled and powered by self-interest and reptilian-minded feelings and emotions as the origins of our thoughts, words and actions.
So I ask you, as I ask myself: where within this is Our Authority; that Decision-Making Ability that we have as the Author of Ourselves, where we can create ourselves as a Self we would like to be? Where we stand as God as Creator of and as ourselves, in awareness and based in principle. Where we can evolve from this reptile mind and where this evolution is a self-willed choice made in awareness, where we can become whole and human again, or for the first time.
This is the process I am walking, where I let go of the GOD in godzilla, defined as this force separate from me; this force that determines who and how I am, and I create it as KIM - my name - defined as Myself, my self-directive principle that I am able to be Here for Me, for You, and for All. I'm standing as one that is taking her authority back as an example of self-change. As the famous song states: It all starts with the man in the mirror. I want to see a change in the world, but I cannot push or force anything at all if I haven't first lived real change within and as myself first. So I will be a kimzilla in my own life, wreaking havoc on anything that I had created in the past that does not support me on my journey. Manifesting best intention into practical application and eventual substantiated living, where I save myself as the damsel in distress that I once was, and where I am a force that I can self-direct towards what is best.
This blog is my written and documented process, and I will stand as the living proof, so long as I am able and I do in fact stand. I invite you to walk with me, support me, allow me and my process to support you. Or simply watch as a voyeur to see if I stand, or if I fall and fail. Either way, I will die knowing that at least I tried, or ideally, I will die knowing that I did my absolute best.
