Yes, my surname truly is Starr like Bubba's former prosecutor Kenneth. Though not like Ringo since he was né Starkey. My drumming is limited to smacking tables in contemplation of being served big slabs of beef by handsome waitresses as I puff away on a Habanos. Oh don't fret, I'm a politically correct vegetarian in the tradition of "Penny" from the "Big Bang Theory" insofar as she once quipped: "I'm a vegetarian. Well, except for fish, and the occasional steak. I love steak!"
Unfortunately, I would make the comrades of "Penny" rather befuddled as I've never watched a complete episode of "Star Trek" or even sat through a "Star Wars" flick. Yes, a fellow named Starr has really never looked at any of it. My beef with science fiction is that I still have a hard enough time dealing with reality!
Continuing with the misuse of my good name. We move to "Starbucks" which demands far too many shekels for my palate. Considering here on the island of Gozo a good cappuccino costs 1 euro and an Americano by the "Ligne 100" bus stop in Monte Carlo is only 1.50 euro! It is hard to fathom parting with several Federal Reserve Accounting Unit Devices while in Occupied North America for the benefit of the shareholders of the Seattle-based company sadly still only using one lonely r in the noun star. Change it to "Starrbucks" or "Notsomanybucks" and maybe I'll take a sip. Besides cans of "Trader Joe's" Italian roast offer a far better value for those unafraid to brew at their own casa. Ditto 2 euro bags of "Lavazza" ground coffee for those in Mare Nostrum.
Another sufferer of the phenomenon I am afflicted with is Frank Beard of "ZZ Top" being the only active member of the band without a big long flowing beard. The "Beach Boys" also face this dilemma minus Dennis since he is the only active one in the band that surfs! The last time I tried hitting the waves I got sun poisoned and my right leg swelled up like the elephant man.
"Wouldn't it be nice" if "Every man a King" became a reality. Stymied by delusions of grandeur and still not mastering a firm grip on reality I became an actual Lord in the internationally unrecognized Principality of Sealand. After all, you must admit it does come off very official, stately, and Anglophilic to be called "Lord Starr."
Still, I haven't channeled my inner Chutzpah to use the honorific in public or to woo someone with XX chromosomes. Nor have I flashed my newly purchased Doctorate of Metaphysics either. Without coming off too callous I'm rather enjoying the calm, quiet, and fatter wallet flying solo at the present. Moreover, I'm not quite ready for my Dominique Francon, but offering to make the right one "Lady Starr" has to hold some appeal. Disclaimer: I only saw the black and white 1949 movie adaption and I never bothered reading the novel. Sorry Ayn I don't share your rape fetish fantasy, but I wouldn't have had an issue putting you over my knee in a free voluntary exchange for an upvote! : )
