Hello Steemit,
I'd like to introduce myself. I am an Ex Jehovah's Witness. Born and raised in the organization, I quickly learned to preach, orate, and follow meekly. The congregation I went to was filled with lovely people, the kind you felt could do you no harm. Friends who you would be excited to see when going to church, and strangers who would instantly become your family. This was the only safe place in the world, under Jehovah's roof. Any individual could be protected from harm. But what kind of harm could possibly worry Jehovah's Witnesses?
Satan and his demons, the worldly, it was an us versus them mentality. I was taught we lived in the 'End of Times™'. There was a constant reminder through publications such as the Watchtower and Awake, and scripture. One in particular always stood out
1 Thessalonians 5:2,3,6
2 For you yourselves know very well that Jehovah’s day is coming exactly as a thief in the night. 3 Whenever it is that they are saying, “Peace and security!” then sudden destruction is to be instantly on them...6 So, then, let us not sleep on as the rest do, but let us stay awake and keep our senses.
I had to remain alert. Jehovah could bring Armageddon, the end of the world, where thousands of non-believers would suffer a permanent death. Only 144,000 anointed faithful would be raptured into heaven with Jehovah, Jesus and the Angels, and the remaining faithful would live in an everlasting paradise on earth.
Revelation 14:3
And they are singing what seems to be a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures and the elders, and no one was able to master that song except the 144,000, who have been bought from the earth.
It's a doctrine atypical to christian denominations.
But not only were you suppose to be alert for this impending destruction of the world but also of yourself. If you were not faithful at the time of Armageddon, you would be among those destroyed. So I had to watch myself. What kind of things was I looking out for? Impure thoughts, such as sex and masturbation. Violent video games, television depicting unapproved themes by the organization. Holidays such as Christmas, Halloween, and Birthdays. Everything that could possibly deter me from my real goal of remaining faithful to Jehovah.
I became baptized at a young age, and continued growing in the church, becoming a reputable 'brother'. Other mothers in the church began telling their children to, "be more like Brother Metacosm, he preaches and provides comments in bible lecture". I was a nuisance to any child growing up in my church, because I set a standard for them to follow. But despite these children struggling in their public image and I mastering my own, I struggled internally.
Not only we were told to abstain from worldly thoughts, but also people, and apostate material. "Apostate material? What's that?," I asked myself. "It's material written by highly intelligent and evil men, some by Satan to trick you into leaving the organization," said one Brother. "Apostate books should never be read because they poison your mind," said another Brother. These were powerful books then, capable of changing your entire belief system to the point of leaving the organization and losing your faith.
That was terrifying, but I reasoned how could words possibly do that? If we had the absolute truth, and it came directly from Jehovah, how could it not cut through any demonic reasoning? The truth was the truth, there was nothing higher! I believed myself stronger than other Jehovah Witnesses and reasoned after surviving these books I would save other people who had left the organization after reading them. I would survive, come back and help those who had drowned in poisonous satanic logic.
And so I looked them up.
And I found something absolutely flooring.
The acclaimed apostate material, were Jehovah Witness published books. But how? I didn't understand, perhaps it could be a mistake. How could old Jehovah Witness literature be called apostate material? When I found the literature in question, I realized why. The teachings had changed over the years.
This. blew. my. mind.
The teaching had changed over the years? But the Jehovah Witnesses have direct communication with Jehovah God! How could God change his mind? It all was too sickening to think about, it was all too nauseating. I felt like I was going to vomit.
But something in my mind told me, "No there must be some explanation." At indeed the next meeting I desperately asked the congregation elders what this could mean. They provided mediocre responses unable to answer in earnest equivocating on the topic. Eventually they settled on an answer that made me feel better.
Proverbs 4:18
But the path of the righteous is like the bright morning light. That grows brighter and brighter until full daylight
The knowledge being passed down by Jehovah is only getting brighter! Of course! It means that we don't receive all the knowledge at once, and it's possible for the organization to change policies. But this meant policies changing forward and never in reverse.
Fast forward years, and my faith remained strong despite the thorn. But the lingering doubt never left, it was the first time I seriously considered I could be wrong. What happened next I could never have predicted. A family member of mine left the organization. This meant complete dissociation with this member of the family, cutting him off completely from our life, also known as disfellowship.
Yet he did one thing, I will always thank him for. He sent me a book, with notes and writings on it. It was an old book published by the Bible Student's as the Jehovah Witnesses were formally called. The lingering thoughts came back in a crashing wave. New doubts began to arise, questions I had no answer to, I began to shake out of nervousness my mind was being invaded my Satan and his demons. But I couldn't stop reading, what he left me, I knew there was truth to it.
This lead to an investigation that finished but a few years ago, ending when I left the organization. He changed my life completely. I became a human again, and began to live life, experiencing movies, drinking with friends, having worldly friends, and now have a wonderful wife to share my life with... and I have never thanked him since.
I am proud and grateful to no longer be a Jehovah's Witness.
